Girlfriend wants a break but stays in contact

Jimmy78 · Jul 19, 2010, 12:13 PM

Give her space, from what I went through staying in contact with someone who broke up with you and playing the friend/boyfriend roll will only get you hurt in the end.

redhed35 · Jul 19, 2010, 12:20 PM

The good thing you did was put an end to you being her emotional mop.

She wants out to sort things out,then fine,let her sort things out,but to expect you to hang on in a half chance she may change her mind is not on.

Instead of a week,I would not put a time limit on things.

Its over,you have been demoted to the friends zone,not a good place to be when you have strong feelings.

Make it a clean break,it will hurt,I'm not saying there is an easy fix,but going no contact is the best,and fastest way to recovery.

Your probably thinking,but I don't want to get over her,I love her,the thing is,if she wanted you she would be with you.

She wants to be on her own,then give her that,and let it be the last thing you give her.

lifeistough75 · Jul 19, 2010, 02:22 PM

Before I joined this forum, I had no idea this break idea was so popular, and so prevalent. I am amazed by the number of relationships that go through this stage of break up instead of a clean break up.

CarrotTalker · Jul 19, 2010, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lifeistough75

Before I joined this forum, I had no idea this break idea was so popular, and so prevalent. I am amazed by the number of relationships that go through this stage of break up instead of a clean break up.

Yea its pretty interesting. I think because the whole "break" concept leaves so many questions unanswered, gives false hope, and leaves the person unable to really process their emotions or feelings.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 19, 2010, 03:56 PM

I think you did the right and sensible thing. You should not have put such a short time gap, but you did the right thing.
This is probably it, she likes you as a friend.
Move on. There is another someone out there for you.
I wish you well.

Lucky098 · Jul 19, 2010, 05:05 PM

She very well may not want to be in a relationship right now. You can't blame her for that due to everything she is going through.

You did the right thing. Let her sort her life out. I'm sure everything is upside down and sideways for her.. Having to worry about a boyfriend is probably not on her needs list.

The fight probably triggered some type of memory from her parents. She probably wants to avoid that. She may be scared.

Maybe her heart condition is worse.

Whatever the reason, you don't need to be dragged down into that in such a young relationship. Give her space. Give her time. Go live your life, meet new people. If in the future you two talk again, that's fine. But don't plan your life around the "maybes" and "What ifs"

Adapa · Jul 19, 2010, 06:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Yea its pretty interesting. I think because the whole "break" concept leaves so many questions unanswered, gives false hope, and leaves the person unable to really process their emotions or feelings.

You know, just the other day I was wondering about this too... It seems that every post is about the same thing...

Girl/Boy tells other person they want space.

Other person comes here: "What do I do" "They still want to be friends?"

Its very interesting that so many people use the line, "We need a break/space, I need to sort things out with my life." And they still want to be friends.

I believe that a break/space of any kind = Breaking Up.

From my understanding/readings/relationships, and deep thoughts about this matter I have come up with a reason WHY people use this line in some way or another.

I believe they say this because they are really not breaking up with the person, but are then free to see and date other people. And I believe that once the "break/space" is just a slow process to a breakup.

If I were to put myself into someone's shoes and tell my partner I wanted space/break I believe that the only motives I have are a couple of things...

1) I don't want a relationship with that person because I have met someone else and I want to take that road to see where it leads while still having the other person on the side just in-case things do not work out.

-> This does not seem to work out for the person who wants the space/break because most people are educated enough to know that a space/break is just to have them "on the side" just in-case the other guy/girl does not work out. If you actually think about it people who do go into these breaks/space things--the dumper usually comes back to them in some form or another to try and rekindle their love. (most of the time)

Also, I believe the whole breaking up and "bring friends" is just another way to have back up for that person. Maybe the person does NOT really WANT to be with the person anymore. But I believe that subconsciously it relieves some stress from life knowing that they always have someone on the back burner just in-case anything were to happen...

2) There could also be things such as moving away (long distance relationships), health issues, and personal issues that could arise as to why breaks need to happen...

-> But I always disprove that because I believe that you either want to be with someone or you don't. So I guess reason number two comes down to if they really care, or don't... Which would lead right back into reason number 1...

Please, comments and more rational can be posted about this....

talaniman · Jul 20, 2010, 07:49 AM

She needs a friend, not a lover, and I bet the fact you are at a college, and have your life ahead of you plays into her thoughts very significantly. Its like she faces you leaving her behind eventually. She is insecure with her life right now and your the only place she can turn.

As long as all you can think of is a romance, you should be very honest a tell her you can't be friends, and its best to let each other heal, especially YOU, and leave each other alone. To do anything else is dishonest on your part, and its hard letting go, but it will be harder later, when the attachment is even stronger after being fed a lot of false hope.

You have been demoted to friend zone and that's not a good place to be because as long as you want more than that from her, you will be a lousy friend. Make the break clean, and bow out gracefully, with some class, dignity, and mutual respect about yourself, and for her.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

slobalt12 · Jul 20, 2010, 08:32 PM

Thanks for all the advice, I kind of messed up after posting this I responded to her text saying that I'm not dissappearing from her life and I'm always here for her. She said "ok". Then later on I told her I loved her and that only 2 weeks ago we were happy and doings things together. She responded with "I thought you didn't want to talk, make up your ing mind" . I told her I'm sorry I'm upset, ill leave her alone now. I haven't made any contact yet and don't plan to until she contacts me even though I told her we would talk in a week. In the mean time I've started running and hitting the punching bag again since I stopped for a few months

Girlfriend wants a break but stays in contact

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