ok i already talked to wildcat a little bit about this but there's been new developements. i've been seeing this girl for a while now and we made it official a little over a month ago. we hooked up right after her and her ex of two years broke up. so we've been together for a while now and she tells me she loves me and i slipped up a couple times and told her too ( i do and i felt bad not saying it back, and she tells me she dont think i really care about her cause i had been playin the hard to get guy not tellin her how i felt or showing feelings back).

anyway she goes to school about 10 mins away from where i live. theres this other guy who goes to school with her and they used to hook up (drunk hookups) but she stopped seein him when her and her ex got back together (then i came along).

anyway now she says shes confused about what she wants to do with me and the guy she had the drunk hook ups with (i knew about him but didnt even see him as a threat until now). she says he sends her messages all the time tellin her that he loves her and jokes around about gettin married someday blah blah whatever. she used to not care at all when we were together in front of him i guess she misses him over the summer or whatever cause they were good friends. she said she loves me and wants to stay with me but shes confused about the other guy because she doesnt wanna lose him or whatever. i told her to do what she felt she had to and to go with her gut feeling, basically do whatever the hell she wants. i told her that i wanna stay together but that all this is unfair to me. i said if you dont wanna be with me or are sick of me or dont have feelings for me then just end it right now, but not just because some other guy loves her, she has no control over that and its not her fault. i kinda wanna see it through the summer to see what happens but do you think this is a good idea? any thoughts? think this other guy is just a test? and if so what do i do about it?

and for those of you who know me from before, dont worry im nothing like i was over my last ex..... made that mistake once not doing it again. it would suck but id be ok with it. thanks!!!

YeloDasy

She sounds confused... if she knew she wanted you and only you, why is she telling you all this stuff?? And why do you want to date someone who is confused as to who she should be with... she loves you just after a month of getting serious (which tells me it is pretty intense) but then she is confused about some other guy?? hhmmm.... do you really want this drama in your life?

Skell

Let her go. she is playing you and will probably cheat on you if she hasnt already.
she isnt worth it. you are most likely just a rebound relationship anyway to her.
That may sound harsh but i sadly think it is the truth.
you say she has just broken up with her ex but also says she loves you. she cant love you after 1 moonth. not even after 3 months. she doesnt even know you and you dont even know her!
plus she has this other guy. it seems as though she just hops from guy to guy as she pleases.
sorry if that is unfair but i can only go off what you have said in your post.
just be honest with her and yourself. i think if your honest with yourself you realise that just right now this girl isnt the right one.
maybe down the track if she sorts out what she wants but right now she is just leading at least 2 of you on and probably her ex too!
Good luck and keep us posted.

Krs

You said - she said she loves me and wants to stay with me but shes confused about the other guy because she doesnt wanna lose him or whatever.

Now that above sentence says alot to me!!!

If just if she really loves you why in the world would she even care about the other guy! She doesnt know what she wants in life and might hurt you at the end of it. So just be careful! I take from me, i love my man so much why would i worry about another guy! and vice-versa. What she says doesnt make sense and is on the contrary to love.

Read Skell's advice - i think its spot on!!

Cassie

Be really careful, if she is thinking of and missing a guy that was a "drunk hookup" , that doesn't sound so good to me. Tell her you love her but you are not all about hanging onto someone that is so unsettled. Tell her she needs to take some time to sort out her feelings, and you are going to back off and give her time to do that. Only do that if you can live with her saying ok. She is probably playing you and when she sees you are going to leave her, it may shock her. It could save you from getting hurt later. Good Luck.

valinors_sorrow

I almost get the impression that some people think acquiring a boyfriend/girlfriend is a bit like going to the county fair, scanning the midway for just the right game, picking out their potental prize on the shelf, plunking down their ticket and throwing the ball over and over enough to hopefully, finally win, screaming to their friends "Lookee what I just won!!!". And if they lose, well hey, you can always go buy more tickets to continue playing, can't you? I mean, look at all them prizes on the shelf-- I bet one of them has my name on it somewhere!!

Its sad really. People are not possessions to collect and trade to make us feel good.

lost??

thanks for all the advice.... most of you guys are saying the same thing and i think you are all right. if she did love me, why would she be worried about this other guy?? and the more i think about it, i really dont think i love her either i just said it becuase she did. dont get me wrong, shes an amazing person..... beatuiful, smart, funny, fun to be around. and you talk about her cheating on me..... the fact is she cheated on her ex with that other guy at school. shes actually tried to break it off with me before and i would just be like alrite fine and shed always come back. i really dont think i can trust her..... its a shame cause we work good together but i think she was kinda a rebound relationship for me too. im just gonna see how things go this weekend and take it from there.

"when she sees you are going to leave her, it may shock her" that is defiently true, i think thats why she came back before and no i do not want this drama in my life. it be different if this guy loved her but she didnt worry about it but the fact that she does tells me that shes not worth it. im gonna try to make it last through the summer but if not, oh well stuff happens. thanks guys ill keep you posted

Krs

Once a cheat always a cheater... remember that!

you're welcome and good luck..

Wildcat21

Dude - I agree with what everyone - said - and you and I have talked about this a lot - she is relaly palying with your head.....I don't think it's worth the heartache at all. You're a great guy and she is playing with you.

If she cheated on you for get - for get her forever. She WILL cheat on again and when your married. Beleive me - cheaters have this gene in them where they justify cheating. NEVER known a cheater to stop cheating - ever.

Lost - this woman is playing mind games with you.

"if she did love me, why would she be worried about this other guy??" She's also trying to see if you are jealous.....this is REALLY bad - it's games - she needs to GROW UP - tell her to grow up and quit mentioning other guys.

Have a little more SPINE about this - and quit treating this game player so nice.

If you don't have trust - DISAPPEAR. You need the trust and that's why you feel this way. Believe me.

TELL HER under no certain circumstances you are sick of all the drama.
I think you ned to ask her POINT blank - have you cheated on me?

talaniman

lost-You ain't gonna like this, but for you to even be in a relationship with a confused self serving nutcase does not represent you very well at all. If you like insane drama, okay no problem. but for a healthy honest relationship you need a healthy honest woman. She ain't it!!!