Ask Me Help Desk - Girlfriend said I'm too good for her and left me

Hi all. Thanks in advance for reading and responding to this. My now ex GF and I had been together for just shy of 6 months. We met things were very intense and moved quickly we both felt and communicated that we thought we were made for each other. We had no problem seeing ourselves grow old together. About 3 weeks ago she started to be really sad and distant. We I talked to her about it she said she felt like a horrible person because she felt she couldn’t do anything without me. She said she regrets past decisions about finances and her job, decisions that she made prior to us knowing each other. She regrets not having more friends. She said that she feels she is not good enough for me that one day I will wake up and leave her. I told her constantly throughout our relationship that she is loved and a talented beautiful person with unlimited potential. A couple days ago she told she loved me and wanted to be with me. Well less then 24hours later she came over and after a long talk decided she couldn’t be with me right now. While she was telling me this she was sobbing and very upset. I remained calm and told her that she needs to do what is best for her. Now I miss the heck out of her. I feel I didn’t do anything wrong and that she is throwing a really good thing away. But I still miss her. I don’t know what to do. We broke up 3 days ago I’m 25 she is 23.

Indeed, you didn't do anything wrong. This girl just sounds confused. The best thing you could do right now is to give her the space she needs to flourish without you. You sound like a good person. Build yourself a life without her in it. Good luck, I'm sorry for your loss.

Right now it would appear from what you have posted that your ex has some major issues and problems, you will find that you have not done anything wrong this is stuff by the looks of things that she has been carrying around with her for a very long time.

It sounds like your ex really could do with seeking some form of counseling to help her.

If you really do care about this person you will respect what they have told you and give them the room and space that they need to get there life in order.

Give her room but let her know you're thinking of her and miss her, via text or something discreet like that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tearingapart

give her room but let her know you're thinking of her and miss her, via text or something discreet like that.

No, he doesn't need any further contact with this girl. Give her space. No Contact.

Give her space. She needs to figure out her own insecurities and find herself. So in the mean time, don't push her and just do your own thing.

Also, don't expect her to come back. I'm not saying she won't, but she also may be saying this to break up with you.

So expect the worst and get to work on the best, yourself.

Good Luck!

Hey brewer44,

I'm in the same situation as you, although my (ex) gf's problems are less apparent.. her were more in the "I dont know what I want, who I am" arena.. she did ask for space and time... and I agreed.

There is nothing you can do now but give her what she wants... problem is, they don't know how long they need. And while you wait, they might be moving on, and you are still stuck and in pain!!

I've learned from this site that a "break" is a "breakup". The only way it becomes a "break" is if you get back together. That simple. So take is as a breakup... Allow yourself to move on and minimize your suffering and recovery time. This is for you now, not for her. She will deal with it her own way, and you won't know what she's thinking (doubt even she knows) so don't waste too much time thinking about it.

.

Quote:

I feel I didn’t do anything wrong and that she is throwing a really good thing away

You probably didn't but she just wanted out any way, hey it happens when people want different things.

Quote:

But I still miss her. I don’t know what to do.

Of course you do and thats normal for us humans as this is still fresh in your heart. But as you slowly get over the shock, you will regroup and go back to doing what you were doing before she came along.

Quote:

We broke up 3 days ago I’m 25 she is 23.

When the emotional dust settles, you'll be able to accept, and respect her decision, and appreciate your own freedom again.

You met her, you'll meet another.

Quote:

Originally Posted by brewer44

Hi all. Thanks in advance for reading and responding to this. My now ex GF and I had been together for just shy of 6 months. We met things were very intense and moved quickly we both felt and communicated that we thought we were made for each other. We had no problem seeing ourselves grow old together. About 3 weeks ago she started to be really sad and distant. We I talked to her about it she said she felt like a horrible person because she felt she couldn’t do anything without me. She said she regrets past decisions about finances and her job, decisions that she made prior to us knowing each other. She regrets not having more friends. She said that she feels she is not good enough for me that one day I will wake up and leave her. I told her constantly throughout our relationship that she is loved and a talented beautiful person with unlimited potential. A couple days ago she told she loved me and wanted to be with me. Well less then 24hours later she came over and after a long talk decided she couldn’t be with me right now. While she was telling me this she was sobbing and very upset. I remained calm and told her that she needs to do what is best for her. Now I miss the heck out of her. I feel I didn’t do anything wrong and that she is throwing a really good thing away. But I still miss her. I don’t know what to do. We broke up 3 days ago I’m 25 she is 23.

HI budy, I know what you're going through. I still miss my ex of 4 years, we talked about what we were going to do in life, but she decided she wasn't ready for kids. Haha, funny now that I think about it, she left me for this other guy who had 2 kids. Ah well, so it goes. I still love her just as much as I did before, and I will more than likely never love any one more than I loved her, but that doesn't mean I won't love some one just the same.
The point is that, she had to walk her path, she needed to find herself. And I needed to let go, and find myself. It always hurts, even 2 and a half years later, and I think it will forever. The trick is to find something else to focus on, and let the pain sink to the bottom of your conserns. It's OK to feel like crap, and most people would tell you that you need to FEEL happy to be happy, but that is not really true. Some times we have to just get up, and go do happy things. Even though we feel sad.

So what should you do, well that is up to you, but it can't hurt to focus on things that you enjoy. Heck go out wit friends and do some dancing or learn guitar, or start exercising (great in so many ways.), or join some martial arts classes.

She is off to find herself, and hopefully she'll do that. But it maybe best to let her do that alone. If she can't see who she is, then she can't see who she want's to be with...

Take care brother, for we all travel separate paths, but sometimes thoughs paths cross or intertwin. ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by tearingapart

give her room but let her know you're thinking of her and miss her, via text or something discreet like that.

This would make things complicated, though there are situations in which to keep intouch, I'm thinking that that contact needs to be let go of until, say a year -2 before you should try being there for her. You are a good guy, but don't try to be superman, or you loose yourself.

Peace