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My girlfriend kissed a girl!

Asked Mar 6, 2007, 07:36 AM — 18 Answers
I have been with my girlfriend for four years. I am 27 and she is 24. Never in that time has she shown any indications that she wanted to kiss another girl or view other females in a sexual fashion. Also, in 4 years neither of us have cheated and we trust each other completely.

She got very drunk at a party last week and another co-worker asked to share her toilet (in a busy night club). She then apparently kissed my girlfriend and I guess she liked it or was curious because they kissed another three times that night and at 4am in the morning my girlfriend told her that she felt it was all too weird and they both went home. The next day my girlfriend called up this other woman who denied anything ever happened.

Three days later my girlfriend asks for a break straight out of the blue. Myself and her family were shocked as we did not see that coming! She said she was confused about her life and needed time to think things through. I stayed strong for three days and let her call me and on the 4th day she said she definitely wanted to be with me. She seemed a little strange though and when I sensed something was wrong I pressed for a reason and she told me what happened. I was shocked as I guess as I never thought she would do anything like that!

Please understand, in 4 years I have never known her to flirt with another man let alone kiss someone else. We have had absolute trust and it has made our relationship really meaningful. I guess I'm just confused as to how I'm supposed to feel about this. Her Mother and I had a chat the other night and I told her what happened. Even she said don't worry about it, if she didn't cheat with a guy there is nothing to worry about!

My questions are:

-Has anyone else had a girlfriend who has done this?

-Should I consider this cheating?

-She absoluted cringes when I ask her if she is Bi or Lesbian. She says it was just an experience and she would not do it again....Should I have faith that she won't or do girls continue this behaviour once they have done it once?

Please help. Because she is a Flight Attendant she is constantly surrounded by good looking girls and now every time she hangs out with other girls after her days are done I feel kind of strange! Lol

Thanks

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18 Answers
Krs's Avatar
Krs Posts: 2,930, Reputation: 1678
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#2

Mar 6, 2007, 07:42 AM
Firstly welcome

Mmmmm this is tricky. I have had this discussion with my hubby, and I asked him several times if I kissed a girl while I was out alone.. Would he consider it cheating and well his answer was YES of course its cheating....

I must admit I have kissed girls 2 or 3 can't remember, in a drunken frenzy! Twice - I was single at the time, but once I kissed a girl in front of my husband at a New Year Eve party, it was not passionate or anything, just girls being silly, I didn't go back to kiss her 3 times though that night! All the other guys kept egging us on (obviously) while my husband just gave me this look.

To me, it didn't mean anything.....
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Lowtax4eva's Avatar
Lowtax4eva Posts: 2,474, Reputation: 1062
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#3

Mar 6, 2007, 07:53 AM
That is awesome... Wait that wasn't helpful, sorry

My wife kissed a girl at my birthday party a few years back and nothing came of it, I thought it was interesting to watch! Sounds like maybe she regrets it, I don't know if you should consider it cheating, that's part of your beliefs on the subject of cheating, all I wanted to say is it may not change your relationship so don't worry too much.
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Tuscany's Avatar
Tuscany Posts: 1,050, Reputation: 1188
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#4

Mar 6, 2007, 07:55 AM
I have to agree with Krs on this. I too have kissed a few girls (mostly when I was in college), but it did not mean anything. I would have to say that I would not consider it cheating for her to do this. However, if a relationship continued with this woman then yes, that would be cheating. However, she says that she would not do it again. I would tend to believe her on this...but that is your call.

Right now, I would just chalk it up to experimenting on your girlfriend's part. Now she has experiemented, realized that she loves you, and wants to come back. The ball is in your court as to if you want to let her.
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cheybutter3's Avatar
cheybutter3 Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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#5

Mar 6, 2007, 03:38 PM
Just because your girlfriend kissed a girl does NOT mean she's bisexual or gay. And this is coming from a LESBIAN, ok...I have a few straight friends that sometimes kiss other girls, it's definitely an experimental thing...most women go through it...maybe your girlfriend was dealing with something on the inside and she needed to work through it on her own.

But the bottom line is that she told you she wants to be with you and she won't do it again. So you should believe her if you have had absolute trust in the past. There's no reason to doubt her, just because she got a little tipsy and kissed a girl.
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aprilj's Avatar
aprilj Posts: 21, Reputation: 14
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#6

Mar 6, 2007, 03:52 PM
Oh my! Seriously? You are so over reacting. Which let me tell you your over reacting and talking to her mother about it has done nothing but embarrass her and make her uncomfortable just by the thought of it. IT isn't CHEATING. It is different with girls, straight girls. So many straight girls kiss their friends when they are drunk. It means absolutely NOTHING. It is just something we do. She will grow out of it. Most boyfriends love it, but with the attitude that you have towards it and taking it so personal, I'm sure she will never do it again. Give the poor girl a break, she isn't married to you and if she feels the need to experiment, allow her to do that, or she will regret you for it. Don't judge her and ask her if she is a lesbian, that is just uncalled for. Seems the poor girl is just a little repressed and needs to some fun.
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pandabearatwafflehouse's Avatar
pandabearatwafflehouse Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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#7

Mar 6, 2007, 05:02 PM
Me and my boyfriend are open about our relationship and he does not mind if I kiss other woman, but he always consents and is usually involved too. I think it is cheating if he does not know. Althought I was like your girlfriend at one time and people change all the time. Does not mean she does not want you and she may have been just (drunk) but it all comes out in the wash as they say. Maybe you should be open to her and try to resolve this together, just talk to her ask her questions and don't put her down. Be glad that she is willing to talk to you about it.
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Mr Pink's Avatar
Mr Pink Posts: 1, Reputation: 5
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#8

Jun 25, 2008, 05:35 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by aprilj
OMG seriously? You are so over reacting. Which let me tell you your over reacting and talking to her mother about it has done nothing but embarrass her and make her uncomfortable just by the thought of it. IT isn't CHEATING. It is different with girls, straight girls. So many straight girls kiss their friends when they are drunk. It means absolutely NOTHING. It is just something we do. She will grow out of it. Most boyfriends love it, but with the attitude that you have towards it and taking it so personal, I'm sure she will never do it again. Give the poor girl a break, she isn't married to you and if she feels the need to experiment, allow her to do that, or she will regret you for it. Don't judge her and ask her if she is a lesbian, that is just uncalled for. Seems the poor girl is just a little repressed and needs to some fun.
I totally disagree.... It's NOT over reacting, and maybe the girl SHOULD be embarrassed and made to feel uncomfortable, After all, did she not embarrass her boyfriend by acting so foolishly? By all means "experiement" if you are single, but if you're seeing someone you should respect their feelings and think before you act. It sounds to me the girlfriend isn't mature enough to deserve such devotion from her boyfriend. Also, most boyfriends DON'T love it... Imagine it the other way around... How you girls would feel if your boyfriend who you love and trust completely , suddenly decides to kiss a guy, THEN having the nerve to suggest you and he take a break because of it, while saying its not cheating because it's not another girl...still feel ok about it? Thought not
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Lowtax4eva's Avatar
Lowtax4eva Posts: 2,474, Reputation: 1062
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#9

Jun 25, 2008, 05:45 PM
This was a year and a half old post and no matter how he took it they probably broke up by now.
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jiltedgirl's Avatar
jiltedgirl Posts: 125, Reputation: 110
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#10

Jun 25, 2008, 07:18 PM
I've kissed a girl, and I wish I could say I liked it (sorry, Katy Perry...). Alas, I was too inebriated to realize it had even happened. I was in a relationship at the time so felt guilty nevertheless. Honestly though, it was meaningless, and her boyfriend was right there as well apparently.

Your girlfriend sounds like she was confused and a little guilty, but has gotten over it. I wouldn't worry about it and give her the benefit of the doubt, unless she's realized she might have same sex tendencies and wants something more with this girl.

Best,
J
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