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    Is my girlfriend hiding something from me?

    Asked Nov 19, 2011, 06:13 AM 3 Answers
    Hi I have been with my girlfriend for nearly 4yrs. Now it's a long distance relationship as we live in different areas. The first couple of years were great. We had our ups and downs like every other person does. She was always up seeing me all the time, but I was never allowed down to hers, as the house she stayed in was owed by her, and her ex which I did know about, and wasn't a problem with me.

    But he moved back in with her as I was told he didn't have anywhere else to live, as he had been staying at his mothers, and she passed away. The house had been sold again. Fair enough, I trusted her as that's what you build a relationship on, and she knew I still talked to my ex wife.

    Then last year she mentioned something to me about her ex, and I said that he probably still had feelings for her. She told me they were just friends, and even if he did, she didn't feel anything for him in that way. 2months later she told me he had asked to get back with her, and she said no, and he moved back out, and in with his brother, and told my girlfriend that he was selling the house, and she would have to move out or buy him out.

    At this same time we were in middle of getting a house for us together as she was moving up with me, and we had been offered a house. So I told her to tell him to buy her out, or just let him sell the house. Then I was on Facebook, as I hadn't been on it, and my girlfriend wanted me to set one up so I did. And to my astonishment on her page, it said she was in a relationship with her ex, so I asked her what was going on and she said because I wasn't on Facebook, and someone kept asking her about her relationship with me, she just did it to shut this person up. And because we argued about it she told me she wanted time and space to herself for a bit.

    So I gave her that by this time we got keys to our house but she didn't want to move up, she still wanted some space again. I gave her that. We meet still but not as much. We don't text, and talk as much now either. I feel she is hiding something from me. She told me that she was moving into her sisters for a while, as she didn't want to stay in her house anymore, and that she wasn't well, and her sister was looking after her, but I recently found out that she has either sold her house or rented it out and I asked her to let me know where her sister stays, as that's were she is staying.

    But she won't tell me, and goes all offensive. I think she is hiding something, and I feel that she is back with her ex.

    Any advise please... sorry for long story thanks

    Last edited by talaniman; Nov 19, 2011 at 03:30 PM.
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    3 Answers
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,059, Reputation: 10289
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #2

    Nov 19, 2011, 03:32 PM


    Disappear from her life, and let her miss you, and think about coming clean. Better yet, plan a life without her.

    That's what I would do. I mean all this unknown stuff is totally unnecessary, and after 4 years?? Unreal, let her do the wondering while you get your own life together.

    4 years and you have no idea where her sister lives?? That's really unacceptable too!
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    odinn7's Avatar
    odinn7 Posts: 6,547, Reputation: 1356
    Entomology Expert
     
    #3

    Nov 19, 2011, 03:58 PM
    Forget about her. Doesn't seem she really has you in her plans. It all sounds a little bit odd and I can see why you might think she's hiding something from you.
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    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,243, Reputation: 3298
    Emotional Health Expert
     
    #4

    Nov 20, 2011, 05:28 AM
    A long distance relationship, that lasts four years, is significant. You have invested in a future with someone you thought you knew, that was finally going to be with you, in a house you were both going to move into to. It sounded as though things were working out the way they were supposed to.

    But, things have not worked out. You don't know anything about her life, because you've never been to her home, met her family and friends. You cannot judge if there is anything going on with her ex, because you only know what she tells you. You are left in the unfortunate position of having to guess what's going on with her.

    From what you have said, I would say that her stories are falling apart. The closer the time came for the two of you to finally be a couple, the further she pushed you away, and threw excuses at you that don't add up. Especially from a woman who said that she was committed enough to you, to live togther.

    There is more to be seen about her as deceptive, than there is to be seen as honest and trustworthy.

    I hope your doubts are not brushed aside, and you continue to try to have a relationship with her. My opinion is that the stories she tells you can never be explained, other than her ex is still in her life, and that she is not as committed to you, as you are to her.

    I'd let this one go.
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