My girlfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago because she said that she was confused
Asked Dec 24, 2010, 02:52 PM
We dated for about 5 months ,I am 22 and she is turning 20 in march she said that I was the best boyfriend she has ever had and she doent want anyone else and she is just confused because a part of her wants to be with me but other part of her wants to be single and carefree as in doesn't want to feel jealous or anything,
I was upset for first one week and broke down on phone twice with her but never asked her to get back with me and I haven't till now because I want her to come to me rather then me asking her to get back with me ,in that first one week this is what happened we broke up on Friday ,had sex on same day ,spoke to her on phone on Saturday and then Sunday ,saw her at work on Monday had lunch with her but made a big mistake of bringing up our relation which I think pissed her off, but she didn't say anything about it but she was upset though
then I acted as if I was moving on and it worked as she wanted to see me on Thursday but I told her that I was in gym while I wasn't and I told her that I will see her at work instead but because she lives just 10 min away she got her sister to look at my car which was parked right outside my house but anyways things have been bad since then as I called her up on Saturday and broke down again (i know a big mistake) and she said that after this episode she doesn't know if we could ever get back together but I don't know if she said that just because she was frustrated or she actually meant it but right after that conversation she sent me a text saying I am sorry that I hurt you it breaks my heart to hear you cry on phone , you mean a lot to me and I will always be here for you
I saw her at work on Monday and we were nice to each other and she was all sweet to me and I played it cool and confident ,but then she went away on a week holiday which he had planned with her sister for quite some time for gold coast which is a different state
I didn't call her at all for 10 days and then saw her at work after she got back from goldcoast and since then she hasn't initiated the contact at all she hasn't really acted cold but its not the same as sometime when walk I walk pass her she doesn't even looks at me ,I called her just two days ago to tell her that I respect her decision and I will be happy to be friends with her and we had a normal conversation and that was it ,
Am sorry all for this long essay here but I really need some help ,I am really confused .its christmas today and we had plans to hang out after her family lunch but I don't know if we are going to anymore because all she said was that she will let me know ,any help will be much much appreciated...thanks all for bearing with my crap thanks again
She's GONE, sorry. Lots of people hang on here and there, giving mixed messages and trying not to be mean if you cry, even checking up on you, while they adjust to being alone again, even though they really mean it's over. Try not to be alone especially over Christmas. Don't sit there thinking she's going to call just because you had long range plans. It is going to hurt being at work so you might want to consider looking for another job or a transfer. Or steer very clear of her.
Leave her alone, and start making your own plans for the holidays that don't include her. Sounds like a workplace DATING situation that didn't work, and now you are confused how to act.
At work polite but brief, when you have to see her, and act as you did before the dating thing. Bow out gracefully and keep your dignity, and self respect, and avoid the drama of a short 5 month experience. Once you get back to your old routine, leave her alone, and stop thinking things can go back to the way it was, then you will be fine as you resume your life like this didn't happen. Don't try to be friends, hoping she will change her mind. That seldom happens and 5 months is long enough to be stuck on someone that you know is not as stuck on you.
It didn't work, appreciate the memories, and move on to make even more with someone else. That's not easy being you work together though, and that's the price you pay for getting involved with a co worker.
But in time this will be behind you, and you will have learned from the experience, and moved on to the next thing in your life.
Sound advise from the two fellas above,
But can't help to conclude, Girls are like cats, the more attention you give them, the more attitude they will have. I talk from experience, the more my husband runs around after me, the more cuddles and kisses he demands....the more I wish he'd leave me alone and give me some space (gosh I sound like a b*tch) LOL
Men are like dogs (no offence guys, I like dogs, and its meant in a good way if you read on), men love attention, love to be stroked and cuddled and they never get tired of attention...
My point being...if you ever stood a chance with her...you blew it by acting like an emotional wreck...So what she caught you out lying about the gym? It showed you had 'other plans', may be 'another girl in your flat', nothing re-wires a relationship like a bit of jealousy (not meaning bunny boiler jealousy), I always find my husband irresistable if I see another girl flirting with him..
Anyway, to cut the long story short, you were on the track by showing you had moved on...and you were being rewarded by break-up sex and lunch meetings. But you went off the track by crying on the phone not once but TWICE...Now it really is time to move on....no avail crying over spilt milk. Sounds like she probably found someone while on holiday...its your turn. Good luck!
Are you telling me that its over between me and her ?
I mean yeah I made mistakes after our break up but isn't it only natural besides other half of the story is that I have already moved on to some extent as I am seeing this other girl
But I still want my ex back ,she deactivated her facebook account a day before christmas and I think it was because she prob read all the posts by my girlfriends I wasn't in contact with when I was dating my ex,isn't that immature on her part and
@msh10, she has been giving you mixed signals I.e. Break-up sex, meetings, being caring towards you, telling you she still cares...on the other hand telling you its all over, 'its not you its me scenario', saying'I am not sure what I want' etc...
Are you happy being messed around? What if you get her back...but she keeps playing these games and breaks your heart again.
she deactivated her facebook account a day before christmas and I think it was because she prob read all the posts by my girlfriends I wasn't in contact with when I was dating my ex
OR was it because she was trying to avoid facing you as you two had peior plans to spend christmas with her family?
I can't tell you what to do to get her back, no one can understand, explain or predict the matters of heart..however, I can tell you what not to do:
Dont appear desperate, try to initiate contact, follow her around, leave messages on her FB
Dont tell her you are unhappy in your current relationship and waiting for her to fall back into your arms
Dont walk past her desk wanting to see if she'll notice you or look at you, girls have eyes at the back of their heads, we can feel a gaze, if she knows you are trying for her attention, it will drive her further away.
Dont reject her proposal of friendship - stay friends and see how things pan out
In a perfect world, I would recommend you a pill, you take it and forget all about her. But I know that in real life its easier said then done. Stay strong and dignified. Best of luck.
PS. What about your new girlfriend? Isn't it unfair you are pining for someone else while you are with her? What if this girl is falling in love with you the way you fell for your ex? Be considerate.
QUOTE by msh10;
Are you telling me that its over between me and her ?
i mean yeah I made mistakes after our break up but isn't it only natural
Sure its natural, but to keep making them is NOT!
besides other half of the story is that I have already moved on to some extent as I am seeing this other girl
So you found someone else. So why waste time with the one you just left?
but I still want my ex back
But she ain't coming back! Accept it, move on. Ain't that why you have the new girl? To replace the old girl? Admit it, you just wanted a girl!
she deactivated her facebook account a day before Christmas and I think it was because she prob read all the posts by my girlfriends I wasn't in contact with when I was dating my ex,
Or she wants you out of her life because she is moving on.
isnt that immature on her part and doesn't that shows something?
NO, its not immature at all! Its the thing to do to keep pesky exes out of her business. And it shows she will pursue better options than you.
Take the hint! Cut your losses, and keep some dignity why don't you because its crazy to keep being stuck on someone that's not stuck on you! So are you crazy or what. You better enjoy the new girl while she is your willing rebound.
I really appreciate your advice so far ,but there is more stuff that I would like to share with you ,not out of desperation but only because of curiosity I called her up last night ,I never once brought up the relationship ,we had a nice and casual conversation, but just before I was about to hang up I told her that I bought a small Christmas gift for her few days ago and I would like to give it to you whenever you will feel comfortable accepting it,
She got bit annoyed with that at first and said something like its too soon for that and I will feel bad accepting it from you and she also said that I may never get it off you ,in reply all I said was it was totally up to her to decide and whenever and I didn't try to explain or nothing but I did say say that its not a big deal and I will take care of it if she doesn't want it ,which I think annoyed her again as out of nowhere she said that she wanted to take shower n all so she ll have to hang up and said bye and hung up
Then called me back within a minute and called herself a stupid byach for hanging up like that ,and then we both said goodnight to each other n hung up...5 min after that she sent me a text saying sorry for being rude about the gift and I know that you mean well ,thanks anyway xx goodnight,to which I replied all good goodnight ..and then she sent me a text saying you are a good guy ,see you at work tomm.......ight that was for last night ..
This morning at work she was all nice to me smiling at me and kept coming to me for help for stuff that she could have asked any one form work for ,she also came to me to thank me for giving her keys for locker which she had left in tea room during her break,is she trying to be friends with me or what ? And the girl I am seeing at the moment knows about everything and says that she is happy to be with me with whatever I can offer her ..any further advice will be much appreciated thanks
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