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My girlfriend broke up with me and I don't know what to do.
Asked Apr 28, 2012, 07:34 AM
This is quite a long story but I feel the whole story has to be told for my situation to be understood. Any answers and feedback would be greatly appreciated.
My girlfriend and I had been dating for about 4 months before she broke up with me. Before we got together we had known each other for 5 years. We had met through a shared interest and we quickly became friends and found out we had a lot in common. After 3 years of seeing her occasionally, I developed a massive crush on her. Since we both attended high schools which were close together, we would sometimes see each other in the mornings as we had mutual friends which used to meet together. She then had a very hard time at her school (all girls’ school) because rumors were spread about her, so she lost virtually all friends and felt isolated.
During this time she had started seeing a boyfriend (boyfriend A) and became attached to him because he was her only close friend. Because she was with boyfriend A, I felt that I couldn’t tell her how I felt, also I was quite shy.
She carried on seeing boyfriend A for about a year and a half until they split up. By the time they had split up we had both started the same high school but we didn’t see each other often. Shortly after the break up she moved onto another boyfriend which lasted one month, she was then single for about 5 months and then she got back with boyfriend A again. She and boyfriend A broke up and got back together at least 4 or 5 times (maybe more) throughout their relationship, which in total would have lasted about 2 years. I was told that he was insecure, very controlling (especially with her clothes, activities and food), bullying and attention seeking. He had also been unfaithful.
About 3 months before we got together she had broken up with boyfriend A and had broken all contact with him. After this break up she and I met up and clicked straight away. We talked a lot and I could tell that she like me more than just a friend. The next day she texted me and we texted each other each day for about a week and then we went out to the cinema together. After the film I told her how I felt and she told me she felt the same way and had done for some time. We then texted every day and saw each other on at least 4 days a week, six hours on each day. During the first three months I spent an equal amount of time with her alone and with her and her parents. We became very close and we were very much in love, we often went out together to parties, cinema, shopping and swimming e.t.c. I could tell things were going very well because I was invited to go on holiday with her and her family.
After the three months her two brothers returned home for a 4 week university break. This is the point at which things started to change. Once her brothers had returned we continued to see each other frequently. At first it was fine, she would spend some time with her family, and I would still be invited over to spend time with her. After her brothers had been home for a week she only wanted to spend time with me and her family together. I would suggest going to places with her and doing things together for a day, but she would say that I didn’t have to make such an effort and that she liked sitting at home with her family.
At first I was fine with it because I could understand that she would want to spend time with all her family, but she kept turning down every opportunity we could spend together alone. I told her how I felt about this, but I don’t think she fully understood.
On the third week of her brothers being home we went on a week long holiday together, just me and her family. Everything went very well for the first 4 days, but on the fifth day she went on her period but she was still jolly and playful as usual. However on the sixth day she acted completely different towards me. She completely ignored me and would only pay attention to her brothers. I would try and make conversation but she would only answer me with a few words, however she was perfectly happy to joke and talk to the rest of her family. I felt very isolated.
This was the moment my confidence left me and I became anxious and shy. The next day we left to go home. Yet again she completely ignored me and would only pay attention to the rest of her family. Everyone was stressed and I felt very uncomfortable with the situation as my parents are divorced and I am an only-child so I am not used to being in a family, however I still tried all I could to have conversation, everything failed.
After we arrived home I texted her and got no response until two days later. The reply was angry and she said that I had not made an effort to talk to her e.t.c. We met up to talk and she said “you didn’t make an effort to talk to me...I don’t think we should see each other anymore”. I was completely shocked, confused and heartbroken but I went along with her decision.
Our relationship had been perfect until the previous 2 days, when she started ignoring me. I was never controlling, always loving and listened to her problems, and I always let her spend time with her family alone. There were times when I thought we spent too much time together, but we always got on and always had fun so i never said anything.
Now she won't talk to me and has now completely blocked all contact with me. She has also manipulated her family and friends into believing that I was completely in the wrong. I know that she has now initiated contact with boyfriend A again, and I think she is going to try and get back with him.
I do not know what I have done wrong. The only reason she broke up with me was because “I didn’t talk to her on the holiday”. I personally feel it is a pathetic reason to end such a happy relationship, especially as it is not true.
I love her, but I think she needs to grow up. I don’t know what to do. Please help me!
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Senior Family & People Expert
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Apr 28, 2012, 08:15 AM
Sorry Chris, but she is only continuing to do what she has always done, go back to GUY A, after taking a break from him, but for your part, you knew this and still let it shake your confidence. You put to many eggs in her basket, given her history, so now you adjust to what has happened by leaving her alone, and get your confidence back.
You will see when you do, you will recognize her MO, and its her not you. Nothing to do with you. Oh well it was fun while it lasted right? Keep the memories and move on to healthier people, places, and things.
What you thought this would be the romance of the century or something???? Of course you did, who wouldn't, but reality has changed all that so adjust your thinking, and get the confidence back thru a proper healing of your ego.
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Apr 28, 2012, 08:36 AM
Chris, here's the bottom line. If she wants to break up with you, there isn't much you can do to change her mind. I know it hurts---I had my second wife suddenly toos me out of her life right after I took care of her for a year and a half while she was being treated for breast cancer. It HURTS. And It hurts a lot. You can move on. Right now it seems like the end of the world but you can do it and you will be better for it. Even though we sometimes get hurt in life, it only helps to build who we are as we get older and more mature. We never reach the point where it comes to,,",Well, I am mature enough now",,,,we grow everyday. Bad things usually turn into learning experiences. Hang IN there. You will survive. And let me tell you, if you take a positive attitude, you will get over her sooner and maybe someday become friends with her again. Good Luck..
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Jul 3, 2012, 12:09 AM
Sometimes it happens but we must be sure about what is going on here and there....is not it>?
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