Thanks for taking the time to read this post, this is the first time I have done anything like this so please bare with me.
I will have been with my girlfriend 3 years in the new year. We met at uni (we are both 22 years old) and we have only ever been sexually intimate with each other. After about a year she finished uni and she needed somewhere to stay, i suggested moving in with me (at the time I was with housemate but now its just us) and its been that way ever since. I love her to bits and really enjoy being with her, she is funny, cute, smart, everything I could ever want.
What i cant understand is why my mind has been wandering for the last 3 months or so. By that I mean I'm always thinking did I make the right choice, always wondering what it is like with other women, etc... but I always come back to the same conclusion; I love my GF. We have spoken about marriage, kids, holidays, and future housing plans. I don't know what it is. Am I having a early-life crisis? The worst thing is that sometimes I think about cheating on her, just to see what it is like with another woman, to see if I am missing something, but I know I'm not and I don't want to cheat on her, I'm not that guy, never have been and never want to be.
I don't know if anyone reading this will have been able to filter through that and see that I love my girlfriend so much (I have even been looking at engagement rings - not that I can afford one) and would never want to do anything wrong by her - I just don't know why I'm thinking like this.
Another big thing is that I finished uni recently and she has been willingly paying for everything. I mean everything. Utility bills, rent, petrol, shopping, etc... I have been through a couple of jobs and have recently landed myself an internship, unpaid atm but hopefully it will lead to something.
Anyway if anyone can hazard any help it would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks in advanced to everyone.
I think it's normal for you to be asking yourself the question, "is she the one?" You're comparing her to other possibilities, and you are always coming to the conclusion which comes down to this: "You can't live without her." If you love this girl and are willing to ultimately give your life away to her and marry her, then do just that...And tell her! Tell her all the time that you love her! I wouldn't propose though until you are more settled in your job situation. Being the one bringing in the single financial income is stressfull (I know because I'm bringing in a large majority of my fiance and I's funds as well.) Show her that you can take care of her and protect her by waiting until you are more set in your job.
I am so sorry! I get that you don't want to cheat and that you love her and want to stay with her.
I don't know why your mind is wandering. But I have two thoughts. One is that sometimes life is too easy and we find ways to make it more difficult for ourselves. It does seem like you are doing that. It's like you didn't have to really work to get where you are with her, so you don't value her quite as much. Just a thought. Not sure!
Also, you don't know what else is out there, so you think maybe she's not as great as she seems, maybe you are missing something.
I also think you are right that your unemployment and her paying for everything is a big factor. Maybe when you are earning money, some of this will pass. Again, when things are too easy, we sometimes question that instead of appreciating our good fortune.
I really think that if you are otherwise happy, you should turn your mind away from these thoughts and not tempt fate. I do think the feelings will pass, although they may come back from time to time in the future.
However, if you doubt you can be faithful to her in the long run, it might be better to put off marriage and children. I would NOT make any snap decisions on this.
Good luck. I know others will have more advice for you.
I think you might be totally on the money Jaime. I know I love her and every time I do come to that conclusion. I certainly wouldn't propose until I am in a MUCH better financial place. I have many friends who are engaged and both parties still live with their folks.
Oh and I do tell her everyday that I love her, no need to worry there
Thanks for the quick reply, I really appreciate it.
No problem. I just suggest telling her you love her as often as possible. Women generally come with an automatic need for reassurance of a guy's love (it's why we ask "do you love me?" at breakfast, lunch, dinner, and most everytime in between. We like it when you say "i love you" but sometimes, we doubt it- that's where actions come into play. That's why I brought that up.) Women also like to know that a man will take care of them, which is why i bring up the financial thing.
So, Jamie, you are saying you think she doesn't like taking care of snowmonkey? I didn't get that that from what snowmonkey posted. In fact, It didn't get the impression that the gf was being needy, so I'm puzzled by this answer.
Also, I guess I don't agree that all women need to be reassured constantly. It really depends on the person. And guys can be like that too. I think it's more of an individual thing, depending on how they were raised and the specific relationship, too.
Thanks for all your answers. She isnt needy at all and she very much loves taking care of me but I totally get what your on about Jaime. She does ask me at least a couple times a day "do you love me?" or the odd "you do love me, right?" to which a swift "no" and a chuckle normally does the trick lol.
Its been really good to get this off my chest. Its the kind of thing you dont really mention to your friends for worry of some shocked looks back so its nice to come on here and hear what everybody has to say on the matter. I thank you both for your opinions and advice.
All young guys trying to build their future, are confused and their minds wander from time to time. Thats normal given the circumstances. My advice is enjoy your time together, and FOCUS, on where your going, You sound committed so keep it moving. If you do, you will get stability.
Your story is similar to mine before my ex broke up with me. I was constantly thinking about what it would be to be with another girl, but I tried to kill those feelings.
Then she broke up with me. I understand now, that all those feelings had a deeper meaning. I actually wasn't happy to be with her and breaking up with me brought me a lot of things. I was getting into the comfort zone and taking everything for granted, not knowing what true love is.
Instead of just pushing away these thoughts, think about them and take a decision about what you need to do.
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