I have been dating my girlfriend for over 3 years, and the majority of our relationship is going great. We have one of those relationships where we spend a lot of time together and still have lots of things to talk about. We make little sacrifices for each other, and in general the relationship is very give and take. However, it's a different situation when it comes to intimacy. We are both Catholic and choose not to have intercourse. However, we are not the most prudish people on earth, and up until a year ago, we would participate in other non-intercourse activities when the moment would arise. Recently, my girlfriend has had no desire to be intimate. This really bothers me, because I can't help but feel like she's just not interested in me anymore. I've tried approaching this different ways, but none have seemed to resolve it. The first thing I tried was talking to my girlfriend about it. Basically, that just got us nowhere. She said she didn't know why her sex drive went away and she doesn't know what we can do to fix it. The next thing that happened was I tried ignoring the situation. The more I think about it, the more it angers me, so logically if I don't think about it, I won't get angry. This has been my mode of operation for the past few months, but clearly it's not working anymore, otherwise I wouldn't be posting this thread. The non sexual aspect of our relationship is great and we do spend a lot of good honest quality time together. The more we do though, the stronger my sexual feelings for her become. It's to the point where I've been tempted to end the relationship because of it, but I know that it would be a big mistake. Does anyone have any suggestions? Any words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thanks

She's probably doing some other guy,sorry..

I think you spend too much time with your girlfriend together, sometimes you must know how will she miss you sometimes. Maybe she was too satisfy of having you. Sometimes we have to let them miss us. Don't be afraid to ask her, what's on her mind. What is the truth behind her present feelings. In a relationship there must be a transparency in both partners. If you have more questions ask me. Just don't be afraid to ask, explain to her what oyu want to know.

Hey Bothered111,

When the sexual stuff started to die with my ex, everything apart from that seemed fine, but then 3 or 4 months later the relationship fell apart and we broke up, and not in the best of ways. This was with a girl who I thought id spend the rest of my life with. I will emphasize that this is probably the early stages of the problem with you guys so you can hopefully still sort it out. Im only talking from my own personal experience here, so if you think Im talking rubbish just ignore me.

Anyway, I'd back off a little. Pressuring her into sex (or anything for that matter) won't change her mind, ever. Despite what ka1111 saud there isn't nessesarily someone else (though in my case there was), but she obviously feels restricted, and might feel like you're depending on her or she's depending on you, correct me if I'm wrong. It might be worth seeing her less, and finding other commitments so your not living in each others pockets all the time.

Its funny really because when our sex life went down the pan, I talked to my ex about it and she said a relationship shouldn't evolve around sex, and basically made me feel guilty about bringing it up. Beware of this one mate, because if she gets defensive it means she's feeling guilty and there's some real issues going on. I made the mistake of keeping on bringing up our problems and that pushed my ex away even further. I think the trick is to put on a happy face (as hard as that may be) and act like the man you were when you guys first met. Try and be as carefree "alpha male" as you can, without obviously showing that you're trying to do that. Its hard to hear someone say these things, but that's my best guess at what the situation is based on what u've said, and from bitter experience.

On the other hand it might just be that the intimacy has fizzled out as it naturally does in a long term relationship. You ussually have a deep down intuition if there is something wrong in the relationship though, and this will be up to you to figure out. I know for a fact that something in me told me something was wrong, even though I ignored it. I then ended up getting completely screwed over.

I apologize if this sounds harsh.

When there's a sudden and vertical drop of sex life,99% there's a third party.It's the clearest sign that something is going on.

Sorry..

Is that a fact ka? I know it happened to me, so id believe it. U sound like you know form experience?

Statistics don't lie..

Experience on both sides of the border...

Your relationship is stuck in a place that doesn't allow it to grow. After 3 years you have no direction to build on together and of course your both in a rut. You need to talk and listen, and find out where this thing is headed, and start working together to grow together. Don't you plan and talk of the future together, as all that quality time you spend is going for nothing. Honestly, communicate and listen, or this will not last much longer.

Maybe you don't please her. Are you a selfish lover?

Loss of sexual intimacy is a symptom of a greater problem between couples, that needs to be addressed. It could be cheating, but its usually a lack of being on the same page as your partner. I don't agree with the high percent you site.

They do not engage in sex.

Thanks for all the advice. Definitely didn't make me any less frustrated, but it's nice to know that other people would also suspect she's cheating on me.

I also forgot to elaborate on why we don't have sex- we're both 20 years old and in college still. Neither one of us wants to risk having an accidental pregnancy.

Maybe your sexual experiences were fun curiosity things and it has worn off. Your relationship is not one of bf/gf anymore but of friends.
I dated a guy in high school, loved him dearly. He was my best friend. We did the non intercourse sexual things, (I think we were both curious) but it wore off. I was just not attracted to him that way. We ended it. He wanted more than I could give.

That's something to think about.

Hmm, At 20 I really didn't have too much of a sex drive.. Especially if a woman doesn't orgasm , I didn't start enjoying it until I was well into my mid 20's when I began to experience what it was all about. That's just my opinion.

I have had this before and it men't that she was seeing someone else, I hung around and basically it was the worst thing that I could have done because it made more pieces to pick up after she finally left me for the guy.. . What I should have done and what I advise you to do is this.. . Break up with her and say that you don't think that she is being true to you and also that you feel that the relationship isn't what you want it to be anymore and you aren't prepared to hang about while she treats you like a doormat. This will have 2 effects firstly it will make you the person tha hold the power in the relationship and it will be far better for you to recover and you won't have the ridiculed feeling that I did to have to deal with, basically you will keep your manly pride which is important. Secondly this approach COULD make her realise what she is going to lose, and if she is cheating or even starting to get close to another guy she may realise the error of her ways and beg for you back, other than that if she doesn't put up much of a fight you know for sure that she isn't worth it.

Another thing you could do is have her checked on and see if you can catch her in the act, if you do catch her in the act then finish with her straight away and don't ever look back, once a cheat always a cheat. I learnt this the hard way, I took the girl back that cheated on me and after a couple of months she was at it again, the thing is taking them back after that show them they can do what they want and get away with it because you'll take them back.

I now have a new girlfriend and she is beautiful and I love her completely, moving on isn't always bad you'll get a girl that is better trust me. One rule I have now is that I don't tolerate any lies, basically it'll only take one lie and I will leave her straight away! I'll stick to it and she knows that is the case, makes life a lot more simple.

Good luck with whatever you do mate

Besides the sex, how is the relationship, are you still doiong a lot of things together, is there times she could be cheating, have you considered she has gotten more religious and has been having issues with the non intercourse sexual things. Also perhaps she got some infection, still happens from some non intercourse sexual things and did not want to talk about it, but blames it on the activities. The problem is unless you both can talk about it calmly, the problem will not be fixed.

It could be that the sexual experimentation that you did earlier aroused her Catholic guilt and she freaked out and pulled back for fear of eternal damnation. Just a thought.

I take it your not living together. I also think more communication is needed and understand that the sex, all of it is on hold. See how this issue affects you so, just imagine how it affects her. Talk and listen because for sure if you can't deal with this issue, marriage will be even worse. Work together to resolve your issues.

That was pretty much my reason for remaining a virgin until I was married, to a classmate, at 22 the summer after graduating from college. As it turned out, the sex wasn't so great, she never got pregnant, and we split up after four years. Reminds me of a limerick:

There once was a woman from Wilde
Who kept herself quite undefiled
By thinking of Jesus
And social diseases
And the fear of having a child