Hi all, I'm a male in college I have been talking to a girl now for about 3 months and have seriously considered making her my girlfriend but I have some reservations that have only recently come about. I didn't know it at the time but when I began talking to the girl she had been on break with her ex but they were still "talking" right up until he up and left suddenly out of state without telling her. I came into the picture right after that and went to the concert she had bought a ticket for him with before he did this and we hit it off. Since then we have been talking and going on dates for a while and it was all fine, I left on spring break for a week and passed on other girls while I was there who were trying to really talk to me because I liked her even though we weren't dating. I came back and told her that I wanted to make things more permanent which made her happy and we got more serious. During these months she had been consistently texting her ex boyfriend which I didn't think much of because she assured me that it was over and that she was happy with me. However, about this time she told me he was coming up to pick up his stuff and she asked me if I was weirded out about it because she wanted to sort things out with him and clarify it was over and I said no because I'm not really the insecure kind of guy and she smiled at me and told me she would come down immediately afterwards.

8 hours later she comes to get me for a play we were supposed to go see (her idea) at around eight o clock but waits until 2 minutes before it starts to walk him out. I was beginning to get a little weirded out at this point and asked her how the talk went and if they solved things to which she never gave me a straight answer and said something like " we didnt really talk about it I dont really think anythings changed."

Of course I got a little ticked off at this and told her that wasn't a fair answer and what was going on. Since then she has told me repeatedly that she cares about me and wants to be with me but at the same time still texts her ex which has begun to make me paranoid. When continuing to ask her about this there have been several times where she's responded to me saying that "she knows its confusing and she sorry, I never meant to hurt you, its confusing." Since then I have been on trips to see her parents and know her friends who all say they want her to date me but I asked her if that's what she wants and she says yes but also says things like everybody thinks I should.

I don't know if I'm paranoid or should leave it alone or be angry its just so frustratiing and I have no idea what to do we keeping going from awkward to great and I can't help but feel either she doesn't know what she wants, she just wants to be with me cause he friends say she should, or she really wants to be with me can anyone help?

You ignore the obvious Mr. Rebound. She just broke up, has unresolved feelings, and issues with the ex, he is still in her life, AND she has not had a sufficient healing period, nor has she even begun one. All these are a recipe for disaster for you because you are driven by YOUR feelings of attraction, and not the facts before you.

You better back up to a safer emotional position because you are already getting to stuck on her, when she cannot be as stuck on you, but she needs you as a crutch, and emotional tampon, until she can be strong enough to deal rationally with her circumstances.

Bottom line is enjoy the dating, but leave yourself an escape route to not get hurt.

Talaniman Rule - Never get involved with any one who has an ex still active in their life.

Talaniman Rule - Never give your heart to a stranger you don't know.

Talaniman Rule - Never give your heart to a stranger that hasn't proved they deserve it, or know what to do with it.

To soon to be attached that strongly to this one my friend. WAY too soon! There is too much to learn about her, and you are already getting a bit distracted by your own feelings to pay attention to facts, and see if her words or actions match.

I respectfully submit, from what you wrote, that they do not.

Sorry.

She's just using you. To satisfy her need for the sudden empty space created by the leaving of her ex, and in the meantime she's still trying to get her ex back.

Leave her, move on. Though just don't dump her. Be straight and tell her that she's too involved with her ex for you to feel comfortable and you don't want to be in a confused relationship, thus are breaking off.


That would be your best move.