BAH! I went out with this girls best friend last night to catch up (she is also a good friend of mine). And she tells me that the gal Im talking to is also talking with her EX! She almost married this guy before she moved. Now, I really like this girl alot, but Im not an idiot. I want to bring it up to her, but I dont whant to get her friend in trouble for telling me, and Im not sure if its even my place to do so. I am just a REALLY up front person, and like to have everything on the table. LOL!!!! What the heck am I doing to myself!? I think I like projects or something. Should I take a step back and let her figure out what the heck is going on, or walk and not look back?

kp2171

talking to ex.

well, sure that could mean she's still into him, or that could mean they're friends, or that could mean the friend gave you a little test or nothing or ?????

if it makes you feel better bring up the idea of her ex casually... you can ask her something about that prior relationship and steer it toward is she still talking to him.

or you can just be blunt about it and say you heard blah blah blah...

you're not comfortable with it, so if shes not comfortable with you being upset, then maybe alls not perfect.

i guess im biased cause i dated a girl for a long time (6 yrs) and was friends w her after until her new guy told her he was not comfortable with that.

it cost us a friendship... long after the guy was gone.

so you dont have to be happy about it, but dont freak cause she talks to the man. unless you have reason to believe otherwise shes not necess playing you. if it bugs you that much then just ask her.

jeffatl

Well, pretty much what her friend told me "talking" means she is playing with the idea of getting back with him. Im not going to freak out about it, i just like things put on the table. I think I am just going to back off for a bit and let her go from here. I have pretty much done all I can from this point.........meh.

talaniman

Jeff,hope you don't get worked up because a girl you like is talking to her ex. It is her business and you have no real right to question her on it and why should you care? Just do your thing and be your confident self and don't worry about the competition. You of all people know what happens when we overreact and start to get needy and whinny about things that we perceive as a threat to a relationship. Be cool and pay attention before you become possessive and insecure. Remember you can't control how others feel about you so go slow and keep your eyes open and deal with this situation maturely.

kp2171

ok this is different than your question. talking and talking with possible intentions of getting back together are different.

guess you still dont know if she had the friend tell you this or whether the friend was looking out for you or whether the friend was out to mess up your relationship...

id not get panicky... it is what it is... but youre going to need to know one way or the other so sit back and see or work it into a conversation.

fredg

Hi, Jeff,
I think it's good just to back off some, see what happens, as you said.
You will get her best friend in trouble if you bring it up.
There is a chance she and her ex are still just "good friends", also a chance she wants him back. Never know.
Hang in there, and best of luck.

Fr_Chuck

I talk to my ex every week or so, after a period of her being that stupid ******** we understand we shared alot of time together and have some commom interests ( friends) now for a while she contacted me alot, using all those "button" to try to control me or just make me unhappy one way or antoher. ( ex's are real good at that and seem to enjoy it)

You can't be afraid of an ex, anymore than the new guy at that bar, each of us will have friends and people we talk to that is not known to each other.
The fact you know must mean she is not keep ing it a secret.

Also you are just "talking" even if you are dating, have people not heard that dating does not mean engaged, people unless they are committing to each other are free to date others is they wish. One date ( and does not even sound like a real date) does not a committment make.

Wildcat21

I don't think it's a big deal - they are an ex for a reason - it was broke. It wasn't fixable.

Jeff - what do I ALWASY say - YOU CAN'T WORRY ABOUT OTHER GUYS. Especially early on (first 6 to 9 months). There will ALWAYS be other guys IF she is a great gal. You can't worry about them. If you are secure - you don't care.........worrying about other guys is insecure and needy - a huge turn off and she will leave. No question.

Don't bring it up - I ACTUALLY THINK IT'S HER FRIEND CAUSING TROUBLE. There A LOT friends of girls that will do ANYTHING to break up there friends relationships. Her friend should have never brought it up because it really isn't an issue until you are very exclusive. Women, for the most part, are jealous of their friends relationships. MANY women actually don't want to see their friends happy - they also HATE that you might take time away from 'their' friendship time.

jeffatl

Thanks guys. I think I am just going to leave this one alone. Im not really worried about this other guy, and if they do get back together, I will just find another gal. I guess the reason they broke up was because she was tranfered in her job to another state. This guy STILL lives pretty far away from her, and so do I. I dont really want to get into a LDR anyways. I think I will just keep things as freinds until or if she comes back.

Wildcat21

Long Distance is really hard. Sometimes you maight not hear from that person for a week or two. It takes a lot of work, no question.

I would advise reading all the free articles at www.lovetactics.com.