How do you talk to an Ex again and when should you do it? I don't necessary want to be back with him but I think with time apart I would like to talk to him again. I would like to thank him for the time we had spent together but I don't know how or when to do it?
HELP!

rol

wait for him to contact you.

LBP

This is a question I would like answered also... I have no desire to get back together with my ex, but I still care for her quite a bit and would like to thank her not only for the great memories (we got very lucky in that department) but also that she (unwittingly of course) helped me understand myself and how I go about things in life, to the betterment in how I deal with the everyday and my future in terms of women especially.

She's not perfect and neither am I, but in both dumping me and loving me before that she helped me learn so much that I can't help but be thankful. I figure a year or two and then a 'thank you for helping me learn about myself' message should be appropriate - hope she takes it at face value!

Copperhead6

Guys, okay if you are gonna contact the ex, please make sure there is no hidden agenda to get them back. Most of the people on this website frown on making contact so I'm not going to be one to jump up and recommend it. But.... if you are gonna do it, do it the right way. First, do it early in the week, usually tuesday or wednesday night, make it semi late, say between 8 and 9:30 because this is usually when they are going to be relaxed and most open to talk to you. Once you start getting toward the weekend you will be alot less likely to get them on the phone because they may have plans or are in the middle of plans as you speak. 2nd, if your worried about that first few moments of weirdness when you talk, just suck it up and battle through it. If its a good friendly conversation nerves will go away in a minute or two. Just hang in there. Be friendly, absolutely do not mention getting back together. You have to be as confident as possible, whatever it takes to get you there. I actually had a chance to get back with my ex after a few phone calls where i played it cool and didnt pressure her but just talked like old friends, i think it reminded her of what we used to have! I did however have to take about a 3 week hiatus from talking to her before she started responding favorably. Time makes people wonder about you. Anyways I hope this helps, and I don't really know what to tell you if they don't answer, I don't know if leaving a message or not would be smart but I do know don't try more than once if its ringin, fortunately mine always answered lol good luck!

Copperhead6

oh yea, I speak from experience because I definately had a hidden agenda, which was wrong of me and I lied to myself and said I just wanted to talk. but live and learn baby! I didnt take her back! You guys are running a major risk here of falling into a setback! Your gonna hear that voice and start having dilusions of being back with the person. If you make this phone call take it with a grain of salt and absolutely do not expect anything to come from it! I don't want to see either of you lose the progress you have made.

Nosnosna

That depends on a number of things:

First, who initiated the break-up? If you initiated it, give them plenty of time. I'd say not less than a year, and probably somewhere closer to a year and a half. This isn't from the time of the breakup, it's from the time that they stopped trying to get in touch with you on a regular basis. They need time to get over the hurt, and the last thing they need is you to show back up and reopen the wounds before they've moved on. If they initiated it, wait until you don't actually have any real desire to get back in touch with them. Then wait another few months. At that point, you're probably ready for it.

Second, how serious was the relationship? The more serious the relationship, the longer you should wait. It's hard to quantify this part, so I'll leave it at that.

Third, how long was the relationship, and how much of that time was the decline leading to the breakup? The longer the relationship, the longer you'll both need to be truly over it. On the other hand, those longer relationships are the ones I personally would be most interested in talking to, just to say hi and thanks, and part on good terms. The longer the period of time in which things were awkward, the longer you should wait, too, because that just means there's more stuff to deal with in each of your heads.

Fourth and finally, how messy was the breakup? The uglier it gets, the longer you should wait. If you split reasonably amicably, it shouldn't take long to be able to talk as adults. If cheating was involved, it'll probably need to be quite a while. In general, I feel that whichever partner was more wronged in the lead-up to the split should always be the one to initiate the contact... if you cheated on them, you should wait until they approach you, because they're the one who has to move on from something.

All of this aside, make sure that any of this is done for the right reasons. No lingering feelings (good or bad) should be involved. If you do get in contact, keep it simple: Say hi, thank them for the good memories, and then part on good terms. Chances are, neither of you needs the other in your life at that point, as that is almost guaranteed to dredge up old feelings and start interfering with your life.

valinors_sorrow

I have to disagree here. What is this... do as I say but not as I do? That doesn't even work well with kids....how's it suppose to work as advice amongst grownups. Tuesday... Wednesday... forgive me but can it really matter like that?

Honestly, if "thank you" really needs to be said the universe will arrange one ordinary rainy day when you are rushing somewhere and you find yourself fighting with someone on the other side of a revolving door. It will be only a moment when you finally stop fussing and look. Sure enough, surprise surprise, its your ex and as you pass each other going round the revolving door together, you can yell "hey thanks for everything!" That should be sufficient. I mean .... please!! LOL The very best thank you that can possibly be offered by you is to apply the lessons well and be the kind of grateful for the remainder of your days that makes a wistful little smile when you think about it. Beyond that is totally unnecessary. But feel free to lie to yourself about hidden agendas (its all the rage just now) and call them. Be sure to closely follow that stiff script you have written down and rehearsed -- your ex will wonder about that one for some time, I'm sure.

Copperhead6

Well I totally agree that calling them is not a good idea but they asked a question and I answered them to the best of my ability. They didn't ask whether it was the smart thing to do or not, they asked how to do it. And I helped them the best that I could!

Skell

Thats it! Let it happen on that rainy day. Why force things that dont need to be forced!!! They dont need th be thanked. Really they dont!!!!

I loved you post Val but had to spread it!

Skell

Im a little confused though! The title of your thread suggests you want to get back together however your post indicates that you dont want to get back together, but rather thank him for your time together.

Which is it may i ask?

I have a hunch it may be more along the lines of what is suggested in your title? Right????