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    SuperDry18's Avatar
    SuperDry18 Posts: 26, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Nov 24, 2009, 08:01 PM
    Getting attached too fast.anyone else?
    Is it just me, or is there anyone else out there who gets attached to people way too easily?

    It's bad enough that I am the fussiest person ever when getting with someone and when I finally find someone who I think is 'good' enough and reaches my standards (vain I'm not, but come on, we all have them)... I get far too attached, very fast.

    I was seeing someone for about 7 weeks recently... and I was so emotionally attached and I don't understand why or how? I didn't want to do anything for a whole 2 weeks other than drink, stay out, not go to college and I quit my part-time job!
    (I have 2, its not like I completely cut myself off financially)

    And I get really pissed off and annoyed because it's taken me months/time to find them and just always wishing we went back to the start when it was so perfect!

    It's usually me that breaks up with people because I've gone 'off' them. But the fact that they basically broke it off with me makes me feel TEN TIMES more less in control over the situation which makes me feel 100 times worse!
    I don't understand.

    I'm 18. Does anyone else get like this! :(
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #2

    Nov 25, 2009, 03:50 AM

    Yes I used too!

    I learned a great secret... date lots of people!

    Be busy and content in your own life so you don't put the pressure on a new relationship to be happy.

    If your happy before the relationship,you will be more likely to recover faster and not get attacted so quickly.

    Let a new relationship develop slowly,friends first.
    Starry nights's Avatar
    Starry nights Posts: 213, Reputation: 104
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    #3

    Nov 25, 2009, 08:55 AM

    Absolutely agree with red--even I used to be like this--getting attached too fast and too soon

    But when I realised that this wasn't doing me any good and landing me in very hurried,half-baked relationships,which fizzled off even though they had potential,I started working on myself,on this aspect of my personality...

    And it really works--at least I have figured out I don't NEED any more of the disastrous relationships I used to be in,in the past--now I am lots more comfortable in my own skin,with my own life,friends and family--i date on and off but don't give in to getting too attached before I feel perfectly comfortable and sure--now I know what I want in a relationship and ANYTHING,absolutely anything short of that,I am not interested!

    So,friend,self-knowledge and working on oneself help a lot--know your strengths and weaknesses and work on your personality accordingly.
    88sunflower's Avatar
    88sunflower Posts: 1,207, Reputation: 462
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    #4

    Nov 25, 2009, 09:04 AM
    Who wouldn't want to get attached to fast in a new relationship? I mean with that new love feeling, the new attention, new conversation and attractions. It's a wonderful feeling.

    BUT, in the end when that newness is over and it's the every day stuff, is that when your breaking it off? Is it because its not exciting any more?

    It sounds like you love the whirl wind of a new romance. It's the boring comfort your walking away from. I don't so much think you get attached to fast. I think it's that adrenaline you love of a new relationship.
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
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    #5

    Nov 25, 2009, 10:24 AM

    I know someone like this. A gorgeous girl who read romance novels, she lived in fairytale land and was waiting for her "prince charming." She flirted, and flirted but few guys gave her attention. One day she met a guy who DID give her attention, he was 10 years older than her. She fell head over heels "in love" with him... 3 weeks later they were engaged, and not more than 2 months after that, they broke up.

    I don't understand how dating tons of guys will help. Not only would you be messing with your own feelings toward all these guys, you're messing with their feelings toward you. Plus if you have 100 boyfriends for the sake of having a boyfriend, you will have 100 breakups, and 100 ex's that will be knocking on your door in the future. I don't mean literally knocking on the door, but most women (as studies have shown) have reoccuring thoughts about the past that they find hard to not think about... It's very possible that if you date so many guys now, when you're 18, those guys will haunt your thoughts for the rest of your life.

    My best advice would be to guard your heart. You can be friends with tons of guys and get to know them at a distance- that way if you decided to date one, you will know what you're getting yourself into. Being friends first protects you from moving too fast, protects your heart, and protects his heart.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #6

    Nov 25, 2009, 10:30 AM

    Jamie90.. maybe you misunderstood, by dating lots of guys you don't leave yourself open to heartaches or breakups... dating comes before the relationship,it's the getting to know you stage.

    Also,dating does not mean having lots of one night stands,I know you didn't say that,I'm just saying.

    Dating a variety of people gives the tools to see what type of qualities would you like in a boyfriend.
    jaime90's Avatar
    jaime90 Posts: 1,157, Reputation: 163
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    #7

    Nov 25, 2009, 10:42 AM

    You're right I didn't understand, so thank you for clarifying! But I have to question, if dating is the "getting to know you" stage, why not just be friends? It's basically dating without getting emotionally involved. Also, if you decided to date a lot of guys one after the other, you will need to let them know of your intentions, and telling every guy you date that it's just for the heck of dating and you don't want anything serious could end up turning a lot of them away.

    I understand that dating isn't one night stands.

    Again, people can know what they want out of a relationship, without ever having been in a relationship. Obviously things like honesty, trust, etc. come to mind. If you REALLY want to find out what someone is like, all you have to do is befriend them. Neither of you are on an emotional "high" for each other, and you don't have the "in love" feeling to cloud your perceptions of one another. (This does happen, many people in abusive relationships won't leave because they supposedly love the person too much. Love can blind you from what reality really is.) When you're friends you can observe this person in different settings, with family, one-on-one, with their friends, with your friends, etc.
    I found my one and only this way. Met him when I was 15, I started to develop feelings for him when I was 16, we dated and are now engaged to be married. I've never had any other relationship. You don't have to date around to find the one.
    redhed35's Avatar
    redhed35 Posts: 4,221, Reputation: 1910
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    #8

    Nov 25, 2009, 10:53 AM

    Your one of the lucky ones jamie.

    I'm sure you have friends that you enjoy their company but would not be attracted too.

    Yes I totally agree becoming friends is vital to a relationship...

    How do I put this...

    Dating has romantic intentions... you might hold hands,a slight touch... with a friend you would not do that.

    If you date a few men you don't have to throw all your cards on the table,but it would be proper order perhaps to let them know your not exclusive..

    If your not sleeping with them they can assume your not sleeping with the others either.. after a few dates it can be decided if your both going to become exclusive and let the relationship begin.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #9

    Nov 25, 2009, 04:42 PM

    You obviously have to not get so carried away by your emotions, and take more time to think before you act. Then maybe you can make better choices and decisions based on facts, and not just feelings.
    SuperDry18's Avatar
    SuperDry18 Posts: 26, Reputation: 2
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    #10

    Nov 25, 2009, 05:37 PM

    Thanks for the feedback guys, really opened up my eyes a bit :)

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