Asked May 30, 2008, 04:19 PM
If you want to get your ex back
, you should read this. Get a plan to make things work out to increase your chances. This plan about getting your ex back
is made on purpose like a step by step guide, it will help you better to recognize where you stay and where you can get in to start planning to get your ex back
. Sorry for my grammar errors.
First some good news to cheer you up. Chances are good that you will get your ex back
, it happens all the time, so why it shouldn't be possible for you.
This post is as well a tribute to jolienoire
, she made a very nice post to this topic and I add the link at the end here. Don't miss to read it. In First Place - The Central Point You Have To Focus On :
Find a way to love yourself again. Try to get rid of the negative energy around you and focus on things which make you feel good and which help to make you feel happy again.
This sounds selfish but you only can get your ex back if you have a clear mind, know what you want and have a inner value to offer. It's somehow like getting back to the time when he desired you so much.
Get back in time and remember for what he loved and desired you or, if possible, go even further. It's up to you how far you can go to get those values back. If Your Are Close To A Break Up
At this point you start to realize that all what was good can turn out to be bad very quickly. It's very unfair but that's the way it is. And a other thing you have to realize is "But He Is MY Husband" doesn't exist. Marriage is a contract, but a human is never a property of a other one, which will remind you that a great relationship has to be treated like a reward. There are no guarantees that you will keep someone forever just because you are married or together in a relationship for a longer period. Respect - Attention - Love
= those are the three main ingredients you need for a happy relationship.
When you feel that you can't avoid a break up, accept it. Don't freak out and make a scene, blaming your partner to be the reason for the problem (even if he is). To some extend you as well contributed to this and you have to sort out this later on. Agree with your partner to take a break. This is most probably the best opportunity to get things straight and to come back together later on.
Without fighting you should find a solution and organize the "time out". Both should agree on some rules for that there are no misunderstandings between a "time out" and a "break up" or "separation" and the "doe's and the dont's". You Broke Up Recently
So it's reality and you broke up. Immediately after this you are passing a terrible phase, but you have to avoid some stuff or the situation will get worse.
- Don't call, email him/her all the time
- Don't ask each and every friend about "what can I do"
- Don't send a message to his mobile each hour
- Don't get drunk or start to use any other drugs, and don't stay the whole day in bed and call sick.
- Don't let yourself go, eat like hell and get 20 pounds extra.
- Don't go and damage his car or throw a stone in his window
- Don't tell to all the friends and family how you hate your partner and that he is not worth your love.
- Don't stalk you ex and follow him making that terror which .
- Don't accept a date with your ex right away after a break up. Maintain the situation up and start slowly to understand what happened and how you can avoid the problems when you are back together Things to do
- Go to work like always, no it's the time to get some goals set outside your partnership
- Maintain your toilet, care about you look, dress well, all this will make you feel better.
- Re-discover old hobbies, start to practice a sport, go out and get new friends, DATE again (with care)
- Start to write down what you liked in your relationship and what not. Try to design a perfect relationship
(but realistic) and think about a solution how you both can achieve this if you will be back together.
- If it make you feel better, go get a makeover (hair, suntan, new cloth) but don't overdue it. I wouldn't recommend you to cut your hair short and dy it pink unless you are the type for it. Do things thinking about improving your ego.
In a nutshell your task is to be at least the old, self-confident YOU again before you meet your ex and to get a clear understanding about what's happen and what has to be avoided in a future relationship, with your ex or with any other partner.
In case your break up is already a while ago and you still wish your ex back you must have passed all those points as well before you can start to get him back. Steps To Get Your Ex Back
You have to reach the point where you are a strong, self assured and desirable person.
That's why you have to go out and date again, because there you get the proof that you are that desired person again. And that feels so great.
Now, after you have your weapons again you can start to work on your goal - to get your ex back
Are you ready ? This is really not a joke. Try to imagine if you really are ready to contact your ex again and to see and talk with him. If you are too nervous and unsure about this, wait a little more and try to imagine this situation over and over again till you are positive with it.
Call him for a date. Be sure to plan what you say, in a short way, no old memories, just focus on some fun talk and try to meet at lunch or for a coffee. Talk to him personally, just if you can't reach him after several days you can leave a message to call back (ONE message). Don't transmit any sign of being desperate here. This date should not be a long
One and not at night.
If you ask just for a coffee or a lunch, you most probably receive a "OK". If NOT, don't insist and tell him to call you in case he feels like meeting you. Don't get angry or remember any old situation, that would spoil it right ton the spot. Maybe he just isn't
At the date itself you have to transmit to be cool about the situation, that you are happy and healthy and in peace with the rest of the world. Try to talk about some fun you had together, how you are fine and check how he thinks about this.
Don't try to show a "I'm better then you" position. That would be the revenge path which never work. Just try to have a light date where you both can have fun about some issues.
After about an hour or so the date should be over, and that's it. No other date for the moment. If you get the offer for a second date, don't accept it and let it stay as an open invitation for the moment.
About a week later you can set a new one. Same goal. You know what you try here ? It's to be friends again and find again the common interests and passions you did share in the past. You have to plant a little seed in your ex partners mind which ask him "is it maybe
Worth to get back together ?". You are building trust and bonds again and after a few dates (4 or 5) with this in mind you are set to decide if you can, and will go further.
The following dates will be more bonding. You can go out at night to dinner, to theater or to see a movie or anything like this. Good is when you do things together you haven't mad in the past to get a certain Just try to remember the good times and have fun. If you reach the point you are ready to go to his place or like to invite him to yours, be aware that it's very important to keep in mind that sex should only be a issue if you really are clear that your chances to get your ex back are great.
For a man it's easy to have casual sex without a commitment, but for a woman not. So if you think about this, try to get before you having sex the signals that this could be the beginning for a new relationship.
A NEW one, not the old one overhauled. You have to start from the bottom, building a foundation which can support that "house" called relationship. You both have to let go the past.
Things have to be sorted out, problems have to be discussed, there has to be asked sorry and both have to forgive. You have to set up a plan how to avoid that what happen in the past won't happen again, and both have to agree to that.
By being a new person you transmit your willingness to do so and automatically give the responsibility to do the same to your ex.
When all is clear just enjoy your NEW honeymoon. Focus on having fun together, discover new activities for both and surprise each other daily with things that show your feelings.
But attention. Our memory works very well and you can very easy fall back into a "old" problem. The solution is immediately to fix this over communication. Talk about, work it out, fix it and forget it. When your efforts are worthless
In case you have no success with all this and your dates are not ending well and you can't create a good aura between you both, even if you do your best. Then you can do only two things.
Give it more time or accepting that it is perhaps really over and a relationship between your ex and you is not possible anymore.
I experienced that relationships or marriages which broke up after a long time are more difficult to fix. This as the time from when the problems started till the break up is longer as with a liberal relationship where a part simply can make his bag and walk away.
How deeper the wounds, how longer the healing process and the people involved have to be very patient. I know people which married the SAME person again after they have been separated for years and have lived a new relationship in between.
Love is a very weird thing and it is not possible to predict what will happen, everything is possible.
If it's really IMPOSSIBLE to get together again. Accept it and move on. You are a great person with which it is wort being together so very soon you will find someone which is looking for those qualities. The world isn't over due to this and you will get over it principally as you love yourself, and that's all what counts when you are without a partner.
There are plenty of dating possibilities today in time. Even over the Internet you can find someone (with care), so go out and life.
To your happiness and good luck to get your ex back
Here's the link to jolienoire's post http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ck-187766.html