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Hi everyone,
I'm a 28 year old gay man and not out yet. I met a guy 4 years ago who
I trained at the workplace. He seemed interesting. He's 22. So the second day of just knowing him I invited him to my cousins house to watch a
sporting event. He didn't have a car so I drove him there. He had just arrived
from Europe to make a better life for himself. I invited him just to be nice
and didn't have any feelings for him. Anyways, as the months passed,
we grew stronger in this friendship and he even tagged me as his only
friend and that it made him uncomfortable to see me with my other friends
It felt good to hear that. More months went by and we kept going out every
weekend: independent films, dinner, museums. No girls involved, eventhough
he sometimes talked about one day finding himself a nice girl.
The last three years have been hard for me, well both of us. I have fallen
in love with him. What fed this love is all the help we have given each other
in bad times, the goodtimes we have, camping trips, and so forth. Every time we see each other we welcome eachother with a long tight hug and we even hug longer during our evening separation. Sometimes kiss him in the neck while hugging. We always say ,"I Love you, bud" to each other. People some-
times wondered about us. And him being a macho doesn't get bothered by
this. Thats what I love about him. He makes me feel secure and I feel
accepted. He sometimes kisses my fore head and says "Im so blessed to
have a friend like you, no other person would ask for something better"
I tell him that I have so much love for him, that i feel three times what he feels for me and he understands. I can't accept him leaving for a woman.
I get jealous when he tells me of his days work (we work separately now).
When he tells me that he had lunch with a female coworker, or something
that has to do with someone else. He knows I get jealous and doesn't
like that. We have broken our friendship twice because of that.
He says that Im his only friend and that he loves me and one day he will
have a wife and for me to accept that. I tell myself "Better Hurt Now than
later and Leave this situation" but it would be mean for me to take away
myself from him and take away his "Heaven", as he tells me sometimes.
LAST NIGHT HE DROPPED THE BOMB ON ME:
He asked me to pick him up from his apartment because he wanted to talk
about something. To make things short. He got a new job that he applied
for recently. He met a girl. He say's not his tipe but wants to be with her
to see if there is connection. Before he told me this he said to me. "The
reason I'm telling you this is because your my bud and I will always be loyal
to you and you will never be replaced" I died inside when he told me all
this. I thought "thats it" tears came out. The nightmare that I was afraid of and preparing myself for three years has finally arrived eventhough he
says that I m already making assumptions. I will always die when I'll see
them together. I cannot be around this.
FRIENDS AT ASK MEHELPDESK, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Im dying right now and feel that I cant succeed in anything, no motivation
anymore. He is my rock. Salvation.
Dude - 2 things - you never CHANGE someones orientation. This guy is straight. You are his FRIEND. Be his friend. In a few months this 'crush' will be all over. Realize he likes woman and that;s it. You set yourself up for this. People can't change because you want them to.
I am straight and I will never have feelings for a guy. Just like you can't be d-gayed. Your born with it.
Be happy for him. You're being selfish with this fantasy. It's not reality.
Hi,
The fact that you say you are Gay really has nothing to do with being in love.
All of us have, at one time, lost someone who we were in love with....unless you are 10 yrs old. In my 63 yrs of life, I was in love with 4 or 5 girls before I finally got married.
Being Gay doesn't seem to be the issue, but the fact you are in love, is the issue.
As most of us have solved the same type of feelings by meeting new people. Get out, make new friends, and become involved with others, maybe in a group or something. Get a hobbie where you will be with others, maybe bowling?, etc. You WILL eventually meet someone else...it will take a little time.
The longer you stay by yourself, wishing what you could have done different, the longer it will take to get over it.
I do sincerely with you the best.
I have a question, because I am sort of confused.
Were you two JUST friends or were you two actually like lover's but not open about it?
Wildcat, (no offense timetorave) but I don't think that I know of a straight man who would let another guy kiss him on the neck.
I mean is he REALLY straight?
I have a diffrent opinion about it all but I am not real sure what the other guy's sexual preference is here.
The best thing here would be to get over him & move on. What he feels for this woman, I do not think he will feel for you. You might be his closest friend but he is STRAIGHT. I do not think there will ever be a chance he will change & dump her for you. So, you can continue being his friend & accept reality as it is. He will never be yours like you wanted. Thats sucks but thats life.
You should be happy having a good friend who loves and respects you, that you can do things with and know he's in your corner.Don't repay his kindness with this insane jealosy.he accepted and respected you ,so how come you can't do the same for him.This is not about sex it's about being real.
OMG same situation as me!I cant do anything now!But i still have time cuz im 15 and e is 17.Im trying to be more like caring him but im shy everybody in class or not can see that I devoted him but he is the dumbest in the class so i cant do anything!
dear timetorave68...
life is full of heartbreaks, and heartbreaks are so universal, but we all end up overcoming them and we move on. I'm not saying it will be easy but sometimes things aren't always meant to be. Cherish the strong friendship you two have and enjoy all the memories that once were, and the memories that are yet to come. I'm sure you will find a solemate one day, and he will be an amazing person. I know this because i have faith. I believe that everyone has a solemate and that oneday you will meet him. All you can do is except this and understand that it wasn't meant to be. If you ever need to talk write me back and I will give you my phone number. You seem like a cool guy with a lot of passion for love and life and thats cool and hot. Take care and I hope to hear from you soon.
Hey, I'm sorry about your recent mishap! I know that all hope is lost, however, there may be a light at the end of the dark tunnel. I believe that when people fall in love, they dont look at the age, gender, or any other difference, I believe that they fall in love with who is on the inside, so, maybe you should just give him time, or tell him your feelings!
DON'T GIVE UP!!!
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