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Hi everyone,
I'm a 28 year old gay man and not out yet. I met a guy 4 years ago who
I trained at the workplace. He seemed interesting. He's 22. So the second day of just knowing him I invited him to my cousins house to watch a
sporting event. He didn't have a car so I drove him there. He had just arrived
from Europe to make a better life for himself. I invited him just to be nice
and didn't have any feelings for him. Anyways, as the months passed,
we grew stronger in this friendship and he even tagged me as his only
friend and that it made him uncomfortable to see me with my other friends
It felt good to hear that. More months went by and we kept going out every
weekend: independent films, dinner, museums. No girls involved, eventhough
he sometimes talked about one day finding himself a nice girl.
The last three years have been hard for me, well both of us. I have fallen
in love with him. What fed this love is all the help we have given each other
in bad times, the goodtimes we have, camping trips, and so forth. Every time we see each other we welcome eachother with a long tight hug and we even hug longer during our evening separation. Sometimes kiss him in the neck while hugging. We always say ,"I Love you, bud" to each other. People some-
times wondered about us. And him being a macho doesn't get bothered by
this. Thats what I love about him. He makes me feel secure and I feel
accepted. He sometimes kisses my fore head and says "Im so blessed to
have a friend like you, no other person would ask for something better"
I tell him that I have so much love for him, that i feel three times what he feels for me and he understands. I can't accept him leaving for a woman.
I get jealous when he tells me of his days work (we work separately now).
When he tells me that he had lunch with a female coworker, or something
that has to do with someone else. He knows I get jealous and doesn't
like that. We have broken our friendship twice because of that.
He says that Im his only friend and that he loves me and one day he will
have a wife and for me to accept that. I tell myself "Better Hurt Now than
later and Leave this situation" but it would be mean for me to take away
myself from him and take away his "Heaven", as he tells me sometimes.
LAST NIGHT HE DROPPED THE BOMB ON ME:
He asked me to pick him up from his apartment because he wanted to talk
about something. To make things short. He got a new job that he applied
for recently. He met a girl. He say's not his tipe but wants to be with her
to see if there is connection. Before he told me this he said to me. "The
reason I'm telling you this is because your my bud and I will always be loyal
to you and you will never be replaced" I died inside when he told me all
this. I thought "thats it" tears came out. The nightmare that I was afraid of and preparing myself for three years has finally arrived eventhough he
says that I m already making assumptions. I will always die when I'll see
them together. I cannot be around this.
FRIENDS AT ASK MEHELPDESK, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
Im dying right now and feel that I cant succeed in anything, no motivation
anymore. He is my rock. Salvation.
Find a gay guy next time...Now you learned a valuable lesson and you won't be hurt the same way ever again if you learn from this. Be proud of what was there...Your expectations got the best of you, but just tell him you understand. Tell him what's been going on and that you are sorry. Tell him you wish him the best...If you can continue the friendship then continue it with no expectations. If it will be too hard, try doing other things.
I say let him know how you feel, you know that you will NEVER be able to feel as simply a friend from now on, you might as well start by being honest, both with yourself and him, I wish you all the luck in the world!
first of all, let me say i wish you well. i fell in love with my best friend when i was 18. he was, is and always will be straight. i am now 40, havent saw in in at least 10 yrs and truly love him as much as i did then. i dont obsess about it every minute, but i still dream of him from time to time. and honestly if he came to me today and ask me to leave with him, i would. thats not gay, straight, black or white.... its love.... but anyway, kind of off the point, my friend would have never let me hug him in a loving manner and a kiss??? no way!!! i knew this and accepted it. it sounds like your friend is playing you like a fiddle. maybe ive grown into a skeptic, but i cant believe that a straight guy would allow affection from another man, especially in public. im sorry that your hurting, and i wish you well
From the way you have described your relationship with this guy; i.e. you hug, kiss and tell each other "I Love You," funny, it sounds like he is Bi/Gay but he doesn't want to admit it.
Does he know you are gay?
Ask him if he is bi?
He may be a closet case trying to fit in by dating women!
ky37m and snakebite, thos are EXCELLENT answers. It shows that you need to be able to put yourself in that situation and maybe even BE in that situation to understand.
I don't know if you got your question answered yet. but I was looking tonight for anyone else who's ever had the same kind of issues I've had.
I too have falling many times in love with someone who did not love me. Yes, and one was a straight man too.
I've recently had the opportunity to "relive" this experience with a man that I work out with and work together with.
I thought this would never happen to me again. And what do you know, I am handling it better than I did.
This time I was really able to stop myself from doing the same thing all over again and both he and I still work out together, and I am so happy that he's found someone that he can care about. I was also able to focus better on my self and what I wanted in life and hammer out this issue once and for all.
Iknow you wrote this a long time ago but I hope I can here from you to see how your doing. Never give up!
Find a fellow gay man....you just won't get your average straight guy to go for the gay lifestyle no matter how hard you wish. Its clear he is only interested in women.
Had he even been bi-curious you might have had a chance. In any case you have been a good friend to him even if thats all it ever was. And I'm sure that meant a lot to him.
I understand where you are coming from I hope since you posted it 2 years ago you and him are good friends still
I feel like that about a close friend of myne he thought I fancied him when I just had a strong feeling towards him in a freinds sense and he likes me back but not in the way I feel about him in the summer holidays I said I liked him and he was like its ok if u fancy me I now hes straight he has a girlfriend and we both feel that our friendship is obviously going to last since we are both very open about eachother to eachother and best of luck hope it worked out for you
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