I've been dating a girl for 4 months, doesnt seem like a long time but it sure was. im 26 and shes 31...we started seeing each other right after she got out of a 5 year relationship in which she thought she was going to marry the guy...she actually says she finally cut the cord with him when she met me and realized what she had with me. anyway, things took off between us right from day 1 and we connected on a level that neither of us have ever experienced before.

this relationship was truly AMAZING. we laughed, joked, had stupid secret handshakes, knew each other better than anyone, sacrificed for each other, spent all our free time together and were passionate beyond anything that can be explained. i truly believe that she is the one. we both had thoughts about moving in together and having a future together. we talked about future events and how we were gonna find a way to work things out when i start law school next month. we got to the point where we were basically living together, spending 4 or 5 nights a week together.

the only problem was that she never could fully commit 100% because she was still emotionally scarred from her last relationship. i always told her that i thought she was worth it and id be there with her until she was ready. well she recently went on a vacation to another country and came home and admitted she had met a guy there that she kissed. i forgave her for it because i knew her commitment issues and we moved on. however, last week i found out that she was still in contact with him behind my back and had even texted him calling him "baby" which was her little pet name for me. i was furious and walked out only to talk to her again 2 days later after i had calmed down.

she had no explanation for her actions except that she was scared of where we were headed and panicked. she has no feelings for him, he lives in a different country for godsakes and she doesnt even know him, but i guess it was sort of an outlet for her to get away from this commitment. the bigger issue is that she decided that she needs space to figure herself out. she admitted that im everything shes ever wanted and that she wants nothing more than to love me and be fully committed to me but she just cant bring herself to do it...she just claims that she has an emotional void that she needs to fill and that she needs to be alone to figure out who she is and what she wants...meaning ZERO contact with me whatsoever. its absolutely tearing me up inside having to go from talking to her and being with her 24/7, to not being able to speak to her at all. i guess what makes it so hard is that i know she WANTS me in her life but she cant bring herself to take it. all shes ever wanted was to be married and have a family and she knew that with me she was headed in that direction. we're both putting ourselves through this miserable hell of not talking...we're both losing sleep...we're both walking around in a fog all day...why would she consciously choose to put us through this??

she admitted shes miserable and she WANTS to talk to me because she misses me so much but that this is the only solution she could come up with so she CANT talk to me. her head is telling her to take a break while her heart is telling her to be with me. i just want so badly to call her and talk to her about it but i dont want to impose upon her space. i feel like if she takes this time to herself shes just going to move on and its over between us. she refused to say goodbye because she feels like she just needs this opportunity to be alone and figure out if shes ready for a full commitment to me. we havent spoken in days and im a complete mess. i know she needs space but isnt there another way?? if she cares about me as much as she says she does why is she so willing to walk away and risk the possibility that she'll lose me forever??

jaymaze

i think that my main problem is the lack of closure. i wont call her and provide myself with closure because i dont want it. she still has my profile up in her top friends on myspace. probably also still has me on her buddy list cause she IMd me the other day. why would she keep me up there if she wanted to quietly slide out of the picture. She also told me that she didnt want to say goodbye, that she just needed time. so here i am just waiting, and waiting, and waiting with no idea whats going to happen. part of me is saying its not over and she'll come back and i dont really consider this a break-UP as much as it is a break...but without that closure its eating away at me.

talaniman

You sit and wait because you have hope that she will be back and things will go on as before, but that will never happen, whether she comes back or not things have already changed. I don't think waiting on an if is a wise thing to do as focusing on you being happy with out her in your life is much more constructive and helps bring a balance to your life that allows you to deal with situations like this in a rational manner. Get busy and stay busy with you, whether she comes back or not.

Ash123

Stay cool.

It's 100% on her now.
IF she circles back decide if it works for you. Once you surrender to the power of no responsibility you may find it liberating...You have the luxury of focusing on yourself only
today.

This thread may help too: http://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...sh-114179.html

s_cianci

She was just out of a 5-year relationship. The two of you went much too fast in such a short period of time. You'd be wise to give her the break she says she needs. Get on with your own life and let her be without you for a while. She may eventually decide she wants to come back or she may not. You, in turn, can then decide whether you're going to take her back or not. Meanwhile, get out and date other people.

jaymaze

girls are so damn twisted and manipulative. my ex texts me today with just a random comment about something we used to talk about after she told me NO CONTACT. so i didnt write back.

now no matter what i do here im wrong...if i write back its showing her that she can pretty much decide when to talk to me depending on when its convenient for her and she can just continue to string me along without fear of losing me. HOWEVER, if i dont write back she can twist it and say "well i did say NC, but then i reached out to him and he didnt respond." chicks man, chicks.

HaQueen

I know how it feels to sit there and just wait for a person who your "suppost" to be in a wonderful relationship with. I guess I put my bf through the same thing when I asked him to give me time off. The thing was, when he started to show me a more aggressive side, I became more confident with the relationship and actually I wanted him back. We girls are complicated, but if you think about it, your gf might just be testing how far she can go just stringing you along before you snap and decide to go your own way. I guarantee you if you told her u wanted to date other people to see if the relationship b/w the two of you was what YOU needed, she'll come to the relaization that she could potentially lose a good guy and that you have your own life to lead, instead of just following along in her footsteps. The instant my bf showed me that side to him, I immediately went to him. Yeah I know that sounds crazy, but I'm just being honest with you. Sometimes you have to lose something good to realize how good it was in the first place. Good luck!

Ash123

Let the texts go.
They are feelers to see if she can get emotional support without strings.
There will probably be more.

She has to earn your respect now.

talaniman

I just wrote a posts to a guy whose female did the exact same thing. When the mind games begin its time to go as this will only leave you confused and stuck trying to figure it out. You can't. But watch and listen and learn some stuff about the ex you never knew before and how far she will go. The key is to don't get caught in this emotional tug of war with her.



Stop worrying about her, and her games, and decide what you want and how you want it.

Canada_Sweety