This is my first time ever being abused

(Most people only give the short version story so I prefer to give the whole story)

I'm 21 yrs. old, no kids, just graduated out of college this past April Magna Laude and I have a beautiful personality. I met my boyfriend while here at college in the town (he didn't attend the same college) When I met him things were great we laughed a lot more we enjoyed each others company I even let go of some associated who weren't too approving of our relationship because they were interested in him themselves. Well since then things have changed completely. Seeing that he is a felon from a charge he caught in his younger years he cant find work, however, due to his current state of depression he isn't really trying to find work either.

I'm currently carrying both of us on my income. It seems everyday he goes deeper and deeper into a state of depression but when he's out in the streets no one would be able to tell. He hardly ever opens up to me but I know he hurts and I know he's holding a lot of emotions in. We argue almost everyday and more and more I find myself getting blamed for things I did not do intentionally or things I had no conscious of at all. Up until this past weekend he's never called me out of my name, never threatened to leave me, or never raised his hands at me.

The arguments have just been about curfew times, negative peers, etc. Unfortunately, this past weekend my boyfriend beat me up at a BBQ and yes he was intoxicated. Although I come from the projects of Chicago I've never lived in a abusive household, was brought up in a Christian family and we take education very serious!!! I stood my ground and fought back to protect myself from being seriously harmed but the rage in his eyes tore me apart. No one could get him off of me, not his family, not even strangers and his last two blows are the one's that landed me a busted lip and black eye.

I feel like I just took the whooping for all the pain he's ever experienced in life, all the downfalls, and now I am broken. How could a beautiful woman like me fall in love with him and this stranger just comes and emerges out of know where? I feel betrayed, I look in the mirror and I do not know who I am, how can I trust him to change, how can I trust a man period to respect me for the woman I am and the woman I am to become. No one knows of this situation, no friends or family I am to ashamed to tell them of this incident and some will only make me feel a lot worse. So I sit here in a town with no friends, no siblings to call (I'm a only child), and just tears after tears on my pillow.