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my first love x 20 years ago- broke my heart - tortured dreams - called me 1 week ago
Ok, really confused here and I am not sure why it even effects me still so badly (annoyed with that fact actually)
To understand I have to tell a little story:
1. I was a kid in high school, from a small town with a crappy childhood and I fell hard for a guy that absolutely broke my heart when it was all said and done! We dated for about a year and then he went into the armed services. We tried to make it work through a long distance relationship while I was finishing up school but it didnt work. It ended when I found out that he was telling his family we had already broken up and he was living with another woman! I really loved this man and I had given him my whole heart! I knew breaking up with him was already decided for me and that I needed to move on but it was one of the hardest thing I ever had to do. I had to move on like it was nothing when I felt like I had died inside!
2. I still have an ache in my heart when I think of him and I am STILL trying to move on like I am ok when I guess I am not! I have dreamt of him 6 or so times every single year for the last 20 and in every single dream Ive ever had I cannot see his face! They are seldomly a "romantic" dream, I am usually just looking for him and I cannot fond him ro he is just around the corner - only he never shows up! There has been many times he was in my dreams just before I woke up and I would wake up crying! I have not seen this man since I was 17 years old and he haunts me and it makes me sick!
3. I am so different than I was then and I am sure he is too! WHY does this matter to me still when logic tells me this! what does any of what happened back then have to do with things now?? I am a happy, active, successful, married mom that lives life in a way so far removed from my days in that small sad little town!
4. He calls me after all of this time about 2 weeks ago, completely out of the blue. We talked for a little bit and it turns out that he lives about an hour away from me. I asked to see him, not trying to take it where it shouldnt go - just needed to see his face. I thought it could put an end to my dreams. He said he wanted to see me too - and I dont think he has bad intentions either - except he hasnt called me back to set something specific up. I feel like I am that kid who waited around after school for somebody that never showed and it wasnt even a date!
I cant do this anymore but everything I have tried has never made this go away! What do I do now with this feeling? I could call back the number he called me from, but what would I say? Why would it matter? How do I finally walk away????? How can I make him stop haunting my dreams?
you can't let go because you didn't have the chance to do it before. so here's your chance to do it now. call the number he called you from. if he answers or you get the voice mail. tell him you had a change of heart and do not want to see him. and not to call you anymore. tell him that he had his chance 20 years ago. and by the way, he can tell that to his parents as well.
take the bull by the horns and set yourself free.
Your time has come. The only reason he is calling is he is interested. You can now let go, tell him he missed his opportunity with you. I would meet up though I believeyou need to do this. I know when you meet him you will not get the feeling you may be thinking you will get. You will get a feeling of relief aND YOU CAN LET GO. YOU WONT WANT HIM LIKEYOU USEDTO BUT YOU NEED TO SEE HIM. MEET HIM AND AND FIND OUT WHAT YOU ARE NOT MISSING. ITS BEEN SO LONG YOU HAVE NOT SEEN HIM AND FEEL IT INSIDE STILL BUT YOU CAN RELEASE THAT WHEN YOU SEE HIM AND YOU WILL TELL YOURSELF i CARRIED THAT FOR SO LONG AND NOW i CAN GO ON YOU HAVE A FAMILY WHO IS THERE FOR YOU THIS GUY DID NOT HAVE YOUR INTERESTS AT HEART. iT WAS HIS LOSS AND THAT IS WHY HE IS CALLING TO TELL YOU HE MADE THE MISTAKE OF HIS LIFE!!!!
Are you single is he single? Why not call him, twenty years is a long time, thats nearly my whole life, you are both probably different people maybe you could strike up a friendship maybe more. You really want to live your life as what if? Call him back or just forget about it.
I'm not so sure seeing him would help you put it to rest. It might just reopen the wounds and set off a whole new round of anguish. It really isn't about him any more anyway. It's more about your crappy childhood and your crushed hope that he would take you away from that. The fact that he hasn't called back may mean that he's having second thoughts about seeing you as well. I'd say if he does call, tell him you've changed your mind and don't want to see him. If not, leave it alone and get some counselling to help you get past the old hurt. Keep in touch and let us know what you decide.
As much as it hurts, seeing him would be the wrong thing to do, as your feelings of rejection, and dashed hopes, are still to close to the surface and they main thing is you have moved on and made a life your happy with. He had his chance and blew it so leave the past where it is and move on with your life. Just so you know you aren't the only one who still has feelings for that long lost love who broke our young heart, but we aren't kids any more and have to deal with our heads, not our heart. Forget him, its you thats kepping those feelings alive.
Listen. . . . you sound like i really nice good person, and you remind me of one of my friends. She had a boyfriend that was the same way, and trust me, if they can't even tell you its over before they move on, then they don't deserve you!! you said you where a married mother, MARRIED, you found some one who loves you, and WILL call you back. if he calls you back, I would lay his sh** out! after my friend gave her boyfriend all the hell he gave her, and broke it off with him, she was happy and moved on. don't let this a** hole make you fill like sh**!
i dont think he will make her feel like i think she will find out what a losser he came out to be, and finally be much more satsified 20 years is alot, i dotn think she is that dumb to loose her whole family, for this dump guy thats prob lonely and has no one, so gives you a booty call
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