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Attraction isn't a choice - you don't just turn it off. I think the key is that when you are in a relationship and committed to each other, attraction to others doesn't matter. Both will still feel it, but not act on it.
People get in trouble in relationship because they act on crushes - crushes ALWAYS go away. They get VERY confused on crushes as being love - women especially confuse these feelings. You have to understand that's its just a crush and a month later you wont even care.
I thinsk it's VERY important to have blinders on when you are in a seriously relationship. It's not fair other wise.
Dr. - WHY are you bringing that crap up with her? You WILL only push her away. Bringing up other people is a sign of insecurity and seeking attention.
Ok, this is mainly for the girls but I would like to hear some of the mens opinions, as well.
A recent agrument I had with my girlfriend came about when I had mentioned that someone else was attractive. No, I wasnt saying she was hot and that I was into her or anything... it just came up in conversation and I said that she was an attractive girl.
My thoughts are that this: We are adults. I love her and she loves me. I feel that I can admit that there are other women on this planet... or more specifically, in our town, that are attractive. Big deal.. Im not going to pursue them because I love the woman I am with.
She says that she finds no other man in this town attractive. I brought up a few names of some of the men that we know that are attractive looking men (yes, I am secure with myself and I can also admit when another man is attractive lol) anyway, she insisted that she doesnt find any of them attractive.
I then asked her about a few of the men that I know that she was with before us. She said that she used to find them attractive but not anymore, as if she can just turn it off.
She then, of course, proceeds to get pissed (mad) at me because there are women that I find attractive.
To the women out there: When you love someone, do you suddenly, somehow, turn off other mens attractiveness so that you no longer find anyother man attractive??
To the men: Do you still find other women attractive once you are in love?
I'm female, and I just got married last week, so I'll attempt to answer.
My husband and I are like you Dr. Jizzle, when we see an attractive person we mention it, and it's no big deal. We trust each other. I have to admit though, that he finds more attractive women than I find attractive men, LOL. But that's fine, I trust him. I don't have a problem with him saying that about someone. And if I agree I'll admit she's attractive as well.
I'm not sure what's going on with your girlfriend, but I do understand a bit of what she's saying too. I'm actually not attracted to many men as a general rule. And I'm definitely not attracted to guys I used to date. In fact a lot of them are just blah or actually disgust me now, haha, depending on whether we had a good or a bad breakup. Maybe the problem with your girlfriend is that she and you have different definitions for the word attractive? To me it's more than just physical looks. If a guy is very good looking or hot but has a nasty personality, I don't find him attractive. Whereas my husband doesn't care about the personality, he just looks at the body. Men are supposed to be more visually oriented than women so that might be why.
Either way, like I said, if I think a guy is hot, I will admit it. Your girlfriend maybe feels insecure?
We have lived together for 8 months and are very committed to eachother. we have been together long enough for us both to know how much we love eachother.
My problem is that I feel that we should both be secure enough in our relationship to be realistic and truthful about things.
If we are talking about someone that we both know... specifically saying "I dont know why she has such a hard time finding a date... she is an attractive girl" she should be secure enough, by now, that it wouldnt bother her. I know that if she were to admit that another man was attractive, I wouldnt have a problem with it. Of course, Im not saying that I am drooling over some other woman, I am simply stating the truth.... that she is attractive and she should not have such a hard time finding a date.
(by the way... I dont know if this page is messed up for anyone else, but the original post was by me and has the titled bolded under my avatar. I see philys reply first, then my REPLY, then wildact, then my original post, then everyone elses in order... just to clear that up if anyone else has the same problem lol)
Other end of the spectrum here - I wish my wife had some jealousy, it would make me feel a little more special. Tye woman does not have a green bone in her body.
Me: "Honey I'm going out for beers with some strippers that just came out of prison."
Her: "Have a good time honey, don't drive drunk."
If we are talking about someone that we both know... specifically saying "I dont know why she has such a hard time finding a date... she is an attractive girl" she should be secure enough, by now, that it wouldnt bother her.
That's a pretty innocent statement, IMO. In fact, it's funny you use that one as an example, because my husband just said something similar to me the other day about my best friend. It didn't bother me, I agreed with him. She IS very attractive, prettier than me I think, and just because he says that doesn't mean he's going to leave me for her.
It does sound like she's insecure or jealous about it. You might do well to just not mention it to her, if you find someone attractive, at least until she can feel less insecure. But I understand the frustration of that. My husband and I tell each other everything pretty much!
(by the way... I dont know if this page is messed up for anyone else, but the original post was by me and has the titled bolded under my avatar. I see philys reply first, then my REPLY, then wildact, then my original post, then everyone elses in order... just to clear that up if anyone else has the same problem lol)
Oh thanks for mentioning that, because I didn't realize it was you who started the thread. You should tell admin about it, that is odd.
Your girlfriend maybe feels insecure?
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