Attraction isn't a choice - you don't just turn it off. I think the key is that when you are in a relationship and committed to each other, attraction to others doesn't matter. Both will still feel it, but not act on it.
I've been exclusive with the same partner for more than 30 years and I thank God for all the fine ladies he put on this earth (Especially in the summer) I'm allowed to look till my eyes bug out but I better not touch or I get the boot to butt treatment. As my wife wears pointed toe boots (Even in the summer),I'm very content with my eyes buggin out!
The bottom line is that people will always find others attractive whether they are in a relationship or not. This does not necessarily mean that they are attracted to that person. It is human nature to notice people. How would they meet otherwise?
If a couple is secure in their relationship, there should be no issue with finding others attractive. However, if you are finding you want to act on your feelings, then perhaps you should step back and look at your own relationship.
My husband and I see attractive people all the time. We may comment about it. Does it mean we want to pursue something with that person?? No... It just means we are human.
Remember... it's okay to look at the menu, as long as you dine at home!
No matter who your with and how much you love them, people are always going to find others attractive. Its only human nature. That's only a primal instinct. But wether you act upoun those feelings is what counts.
iv been married to my husband for seven years and been "with" him for nine. I will admit in my younger years 18 or 19 years old it would have pissed me off if he admitted to me that he found another woman attractive, but I think a lot of that stemmed from the newness of the relationship. You don't really know someone until you have been with them for a few years and a part of me was insecure at the time, because i was afraid that if he founf another girl attractive that he would leave me for her or cheat on me. Now we have been together for so long, that if he wanted to leave me or another girl he found attractive he would have done so. But he also loves me and only me so I don't get upset about it anymore.
I also think there are plenty of guys that I have seen that I think are hot or attractive. I do look Im not dead ya know, but its just a attraction. It doesn't mean anything, nothing more. I don't openly admit it to my husband because I don't think its necessary unless he were to ask me if I found someone attractive. I do say however if there is a paticular actress who I think is very beautiful Ill say wow she's gorgeous and my husband will agree, i don't get mad cause its true. Or vice versa.
Of course I don't think everyone likes to think the person they are with finds others attractive, but you have to be realistic. How can I get mad at my husband for saying another woman is attractive when I find other men attractive.
Attraction isn't a choice - you don't just turn it off. I think the key is that when you are in a relationship and committed to each other, attraction to others doesn't matter. Both will still feel it, but not act on it.
if youre in a relationship. and you feel attracted to other people. i believe youre not ready to be in that relationship. you need to be honest with yourself and your partner. this is not easy to do. but, the bottom line is you need to be alone and keep meeting people whom youre interested in and find out if its what you want. most people just lie to themselves and their partner and continue with the relationship and eventually it doesnt work out. its easier to stay in a relationship because most people do not want to be alone. so we settle for the one we are with. your in denial.
if youre in a relationship. and you feel attracted to other people. i believe youre not ready to be in that relationship.
Gotta disagree with that. Just because you're with someone doesn't mean everything else is turned off. As long as you don't act on it you're ok. To go back to the initial post, just saying that you find someone attractive is no cause to break up a relationship; if you find that offensive then it's you that is insecure and you'll have problems in any relationship.
Gotta disagree with that. Just because you're with someone doesn't mean everything else is turned off. As long as you don't act on it you're ok. To go back to the initial post, just saying that you find someone attractive is no cause to break up a relationship; if you find that offensive then it's you that is insecure and you'll have problems in any relationship.
I have to agree with NeedKarma on this. You can find other people attractive or in better terms think someone is goodlooking and not have it mean anything more than that. Its human nature to find things that are pleasing to the eye attractive. If we didn't it wouldn't be normal. On the other hand if your expirencing multiple crushes and are even thinking about acting on it, then yes you aren't ready to be tied down to one person, in that I would agree with you,blueiman.
No, I meant nothing more than simply stating the I find other women attractive. There is no way around that. I know that. It doesnt mean that I have a crush on them or I am going to run off with them. I am secure in my relationship. I love my her deeply.
The issue was with her. I know there is quite a difference in men and women when it comes to attraction (just read my other posts lol). I know how men are and, whether you have found your soul mate or not, men are going to find other women attractive. I just wasnt sure if it was the same with women. I assumed it would be, and from most of the womens posts, i see that it is. I know my gf is young and she is still insecure. Im sure thats really what this all stemmed from.
You can be falling down drunk in love with someone and you may turn around and see this other person that you just find incredibly attractive. That didn't change your love. As a few others have stated, you can be attracted to someone else, as long as you don't act on it and also as long as you don't keep putting yourself in positions where you are continually around that person you're attracted to. Putting yourself constantly in their face is you begging to have something start. But if you see that person on occasion and think, wow, this person is hot, no biggie. Your gf is only kidding herself if she says that she has NO attraction to anyone else. Maybe she feels guilty admitting it? Maybe she's insecure and doesn't want you to be attracted to others for fear of losing you? As long as you aren't hardcore gawking at other women while you're with her, cause that's just disrespectful, she should be okay with it. A look here and there while you're with her is innocent, just be discreet.
I'm on the other end of it. I've been with my bf for 8 months now. We pretty much moved in together 2 months into our relationship. We've been head over hills since we met. Then four months in he went out for coffee with an ex when I went out of town. A girl who he was extremely attracted to and dated for a month before we got together. He told me he went out with her and was no longer attracted. I was okay with the idea except for the fact we'd agreed not to go out for coffee with ex's if the other person wasn't there. Just to avoid situations.
Since then it's come to light that he finds a lot of other girls attractive. He;s 28 and has been single for 8 years minus a couple flings. We're madly in love. But he admitts that he finds the sluttly maxium model much more attractive then me He thinks I'm cute and sexy but not hot. I told him I'm cool with him finding other girls attractive as long as he's not more attracted to them then me. Yesterday we were looking at the maxium model website and he told me that one of the girls gave him butterflies and that he had just as much of a phsycial attraction to her as me. I'm glad he's honest but it concerns me. I know he loves me and he wouldn't cheat on me. But I don't know what to think? I feel I should do something more for him then any other girl.
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