nc and got and ex back?

mckenzie134 · #1 Apr 14, 2007, 10:16 PM

I would like to hear any stories from anyone who went nc and got the ex to come back. Ive just started nc with my ex after she wanted a break after 3 1/2 year relationship she said she just wants to be on he own for a while I bugged her for a month but then gave up and went nc. During the month i tried to discuss it and she slept with me once and was saying how much she wanted it that just confused me more. I have now began NC anyone had any success i really hope i get her back. I realise NC is not for that but i want her back...

dreamguy · Apr 15, 2007, 12:29 AM

Yes NC can be used as a tool to get your ex back. It really is the best tool to use after you have already explained to your ex how you feel about her. By leaving your ex alone for awhile you are giving her time to appreciate and reflect on the good qualities that you brought to the relationship.

This does not mean that you ignore her if she IMs you or calls you. You should answer her calls or return the calls within 2 days. Anytime the contact is incoming you should reciprocate just so she knows that the door is still open. NC really means no contact initiated from your side.

The last time my ex broke up with me I had no contact initiated from my side for 32 days. Then I asked to meet up with her. The meeting was light. I bought her flowers and a friendship card. Then after the meeting I went back to NC for 10 days. Then 4 days after that I met up with her a 2nd time. We went out for pool and ice cream. At the end of that she took me aside and told me she wanted to try again with me.

Of course we only lasted 14 months before our most recent breakup. I'm on day 14 of no contact initiated from my side. Yeah I'm still playing the waiting game hoping that my absence can rebound her interest level. The only time I talk to her now is when she initates contact. She's done it 4 times in the last 14 days. I don't sign online on fridays or saturdays. I think my showing up online less and less is raising her curiousity level. So I'm letting challenge do its magic.

You don't have to be strict with no contact in order to get your ex back. If she doesn't call you in 1 month then go ahead and fire her off a call. Just be kind and upbeat. Don't talk about your feelings or the past. Then end the conversation after 6 minutes of conversation. Now if she has requested that you leave her alone then you need to be strict with no contact until she gets in touch with you.

Geoffersonairplane · Apr 15, 2007, 03:47 AM

No Contact used as a way of getting the ex back is very unhealthy and debilitates your own healing. Most of us are guilty of having used it for this purpose but I don't really believe that this by itself works. It depends on why the relationship ended and the circumstances surrounding the breakup.

Relationships end for reasons and if you don't take the time to reflect on why things ended then if you did get back together, how long before another breakup happened if there was no significant change?

I think it is all too easy to get caught up in the 'I must get her back' syndrome and ignore the negatives that were evidently there during the course of your time with that person. After a breakup, the one left behind often thinks only of the good and forgets/ignores the bad times or aspects of the relationship.

I think that in a real solid, mature relationship, the two individuals should work through any problems and try to resolve them before making the harsh decision to end it. I tried this with my ex but she was not interested in this idea. Thats what I mean, in a mature, solid relationship you would be willing to do that.

Jiser · Apr 15, 2007, 04:17 AM

You cannot 'win' an ex back. NC is used for reflection and healing, to concentrate on yourself, your friends and family! After a certain amount of time in NC - maybe you might have had light contact (IM for instance) you should have had time to think.

Perhaps then you may become friends, lovers once more or the most healthy option - you would have moved on.

mckenzie134 · Apr 15, 2007, 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jiser

You cannot 'win' an ex back. NC is used for reflection and healing, to concentrate on yourself, your friends and family! After a certain amount of time in NC - maybe you might have had light contact (IM for instance) you should have had time to think.

Perhaps then you may become friends, lovers once more or the most healthy option - you would have moved on.

Thanks jiser i undrstand what you say no contact is for i jusy want her back thats all. She also dumped me 5 months ago and came back after two weks. I worked out whaywas wrong and what i could do to fix it but the problem was it was just that she wasnt emotionally in love so i turned that around by going to the gym and not giving her as much of my time and she became real keen and always wanted to see me when i was free but then the old me came back and gave her more time and once again she needs the break case the love may be fading. Its hard to keep them keen if you want to see them all the time cause i was going the gym 3 times a week so i had to cut that vback to see her more and i think that cost me her in the end.I do wish o just stayed going to gym nd made her wait to see me then she may still be keen,,, Going no contact started today hoping she changes her mind thanks...

mckenzie134 · Apr 15, 2007, 05:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

No Contact means no contact from either side. It means not taking her calls and leave her alone. No contact is for you to get healthy and make good decisions, and and can see things clearly and logically. If you have been breaking up 3, 4, or 5 times you have not worked on whats wrong in your relationship, if thats what you want to call it. I call it going around in circles and getting nowhere. A relationship is when two people work together to solve their problems to the benefit of both, not breaking up whenever there is a problem. By leaving that door open, you do nothing but get fed false hope, and make no progress to working on yourself, and that is not healthy.

Yes your right she broke up 4 months ago cause the love was fading so i fixed that by not being available so often it worked so well she was so keen and then when i fell back into the trap of giving hr to much time shes gone again how stupid do you really have to kep them keen so often....

Jiser · Apr 15, 2007, 05:52 AM

in all honesty you shouldn't have to keep anyone keen - if ur in love. Bit of immaturity going on if like this.

Geoffersonairplane · Apr 15, 2007, 06:07 AM

I really do believe that your ex wants out to explore, to date other people. She tells you what you want to hear, not what is really going on. She wants to ease her guilt as tal says..

She knows what she is doing, I guarantee it.



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