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I'm in NC mode right now and I think I can safely say that I'm not the only one who is constantly trying to fight urges to break the rules. So I thought I'd make a thread to discuss the problem and possible solutions.
The "LIST":
1) Keep busy with schoolwork or work
2) Catch up with old friends
3) Join the gym
4) Make new friends
5) See family
6) Do new/old activicties
7) Go back to your old hobbies
8) Find new hobbies
9) Re-read the advice that we receive from this site to refresh our memory of why we are in NC in the first place
10) Block and delete him/her from ALL social networks, IM and email
11) Change your phone number
Let's say we already follow everything on the list. But even if we are busy 24/7, there will still be moments, such as when we are cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, travelling to work/school, brushing your teeth, etc., when we are alone and can't help but think about the other person. Then what?
The solution I can think of is to refer back to the "LIST," stay strong and give yourself more time. Simple enough right? Very easy to give this advice to anyone. I'm sure this works for many people. (Just so that I don't sound like a hypocrite, I gotta admit I don't have time to find a new hobby and I haven't changed my phone number).
BUT it's not working for me. I keep telling myself that the missing ingredient is "time." I've been on an off NC for the past few months, but as you know, every time you contact them again, the healing resets. The latest NC has been 3 or 4 weeks. The pain either stayed the same or gotten worse for the past few months. The only difference I can feel is that I am better at hiding it in public. The saddest part of all this is that I've never even dated this girl. I've had a relationship lasting 3 years and another for 2 years, but never felt so much pain before.
This thread doesn't have to be about my problem only. I was hoping we could share NC stories so that we don't allow each other to give in...
Yeah man i'm with you. I'm fighting so hard to not contact her. I know it would prob only get me hurt. But it's so very hard. So hard to not reach out for someone you cared and spent so much time with.
Its so hard isnt it. Especially when you still feel so much love. But maybe when you get the urge you could just sit down and write it out. Write down whatever it is that you would say and sit back and read it. Maybe that in black and white will help paint the picture more clear to move on and stick with NC. Because sometimes our thoughts when we are down are kind of crazy and reading it back might help us think whoa slow down!
Here is a NC story...look at my first threads as I came on here. I was a freaking BABY! A mess, seriously. Anf I will be the first one to tell you, I usually don't get like that.
Now, look at how I handle myself. I had reached a fairly new low, and I am happier than I have ever been now. So the story goes for everyone who goes through this and makes it. You have to know that we have all been here before and we are only telling you what to do because we have experienced it before.
The path to reformation is a long one, but believe me (and I am not the only example on this board) it is well worth it...WELL WORTH IT.
No contact definitely gave me the light at the end of the tunnel, just read my story, KC and ISneezeFunny and you will see how far NC can actually take you.
Kc, I remember when you first came on here. I thought you just like the punishment of her kicking you in the balls
On those pages you can see the questions I asked, from the very beginning. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but also gave me the greatest reward
Linear Mode
