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I'm in NC mode right now and I think I can safely say that I'm not the only one who is constantly trying to fight urges to break the rules. So I thought I'd make a thread to discuss the problem and possible solutions.
The "LIST":
1) Keep busy with schoolwork or work
2) Catch up with old friends
3) Join the gym
4) Make new friends
5) See family
6) Do new/old activicties
7) Go back to your old hobbies
8) Find new hobbies
9) Re-read the advice that we receive from this site to refresh our memory of why we are in NC in the first place
10) Block and delete him/her from ALL social networks, IM and email
11) Change your phone number
Let's say we already follow everything on the list. But even if we are busy 24/7, there will still be moments, such as when we are cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, travelling to work/school, brushing your teeth, etc., when we are alone and can't help but think about the other person. Then what?
The solution I can think of is to refer back to the "LIST," stay strong and give yourself more time. Simple enough right? Very easy to give this advice to anyone. I'm sure this works for many people. (Just so that I don't sound like a hypocrite, I gotta admit I don't have time to find a new hobby and I haven't changed my phone number).
BUT it's not working for me. I keep telling myself that the missing ingredient is "time." I've been on an off NC for the past few months, but as you know, every time you contact them again, the healing resets. The latest NC has been 3 or 4 weeks. The pain either stayed the same or gotten worse for the past few months. The only difference I can feel is that I am better at hiding it in public. The saddest part of all this is that I've never even dated this girl. I've had a relationship lasting 3 years and another for 2 years, but never felt so much pain before.
This thread doesn't have to be about my problem only. I was hoping we could share NC stories so that we don't allow each other to give in...
It's easier to think logically if you're not emotionally attached to the situation. Sometimes feeilngs can get in the way of logic.
It's not a good or bad thing. There's no right or wrong. It's just how it is. That's why we seek advice from others, because people who are not emotionally involved in the situation can able to view
the circumstances more objectively.
Additionally with the NC rule... when you think you should be responding remember that:
Silence is a strong response.
in fact there is an old song by that title from the late 60's great song. you may feel like you need to rub in the fact that your ok and don't need her all that crap. But when she doesn't hear from you, she wonders. I love that quote about relationships are like rubberbands. keep the tension... and they always come back... good luck!!!
I Wish, these ideas are very smart and useful!
I haven't read the thread yet, so sorry if I'm repeating.
Essentially, this process allows a person to go from being upset over a breakup or a rejection -- to having an added dimension to their personality.
Example: guy breaks up with girl, in the time he used to spend with the girl, he now works out, coaches little league, reads 2 books a week, and has keyboard lessons 3x a week. This not only distracts him from the pain of his breakup, but it makes him a better person because he is gaining experience, skills and knowledge etc.
Example: guy breaks up with girl, in the time he used to spend with the girl, he now works out, coaches little league, reads 2 books a week, and has keyboard lessons 3x a week. This not only distracts him from the pain of his breakup, but it makes him a better person because he is gaining experience, skills and knowledge etc.
Exactly, when we break up, we're in a very depressed mood. So the best thing to do is get busy so that we're distracted from feeling so down. It's also a great opportunity to do the things that we didn't have time to do while we were in a relationship. Furthermore, when we are single, it's a good time to improve yourselves. What better way than to combine personal growth along with the healing process of a relationship.
i kant get my ex out of my head i love her so much . iv tryed doing things but it just reminds me of her
It's definitely tough in the beginning of NC, but it will get easier with him. Be patient with yourself. Keep on doing things for yourself. Try to do as many things on the list as possible.
A tip is that whenever you feel like you want to send her a message or something, write it down and wait it out for 1-2 days. Then you'll realize the mistake you'll make if you send that message to her. You'll know that it was just a moment in desperation.
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