I'm in NC mode right now and I think I can safely say that I'm not the only one who is constantly trying to fight urges to break the rules. So I thought I'd make a thread to discuss the problem and possible solutions.

The "LIST":

1) Keep busy with schoolwork or work
2) Catch up with old friends
3) Join the gym
4) Make new friends
5) See family
6) Do new/old activicties
7) Go back to your old hobbies
8) Find new hobbies
9) Re-read the advice that we receive from this site to refresh our memory of why we are in NC in the first place
10) Block and delete him/her from ALL social networks, IM and email
11) Change your phone number

Let's say we already follow everything on the list. But even if we are busy 24/7, there will still be moments, such as when we are cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, travelling to work/school, brushing your teeth, etc., when we are alone and can't help but think about the other person. Then what?

The solution I can think of is to refer back to the "LIST," stay strong and give yourself more time. Simple enough right? Very easy to give this advice to anyone. I'm sure this works for many people. (Just so that I don't sound like a hypocrite, I gotta admit I don't have time to find a new hobby and I haven't changed my phone number).

BUT it's not working for me. I keep telling myself that the missing ingredient is "time." I've been on an off NC for the past few months, but as you know, every time you contact them again, the healing resets. The latest NC has been 3 or 4 weeks. The pain either stayed the same or gotten worse for the past few months. The only difference I can feel is that I am better at hiding it in public. The saddest part of all this is that I've never even dated this girl. I've had a relationship lasting 3 years and another for 2 years, but never felt so much pain before.

This thread doesn't have to be about my problem only. I was hoping we could share NC stories so that we don't allow each other to give in...

Triysle

NWN

I'm really determined to get over this by going no contact but I unfortunately have to live with the fact that I will have to see him on a regular basis and it's making it so much harder. There is no way to cut him out of my life completely and I'm not sure how I can get him out of my head if I have to keep seeing him. It would be so much easier if I didn't have to see him...

Romefalls19

It would be easier, but the harder the task, the bigger the reward. I actually worked with my ex, saw her every day and she went out of her to make sure I noticed when she was around. Then had to see her with her new boyfriend, which stung at first. But I completely recovered and stayed NC during it all. Now I am engaged, living with my beautiful fiance and 2 kids, it worked out way better than I ever expected

NWN

This is exactly what I'm wondering, if I have to see him on a regular basis will I still get over him with time or does it make it practically impossible. It gets discouraging to think that I'm doing all this but that ultimately it's useless unless I move to another country ...or at least town. I should go and read your story Rome, might encourage me on the seeing him all the time thing...

none12345

Think about how horrible you have been treated and how you so did not deserve it. =P that might work for some people

I wish

Another thing that I notice is that it takes people a few trial runs of no contact before actually implimenting it. I guess that's just the way it goes. We can't just cut all ties overnight. It takes a few rejections to actually want to go into no contact.

By the time we've reached no contact, it's because we already started accepting that we're loosing feelings for the other person.

It's really difficult to go into no contact while still having really deep feelings for the other person.

Lonelyandbroken

I think you get better and quicker at going into NC.

My first real true love we where together for 3.5 years and it was a really really messy break up. Best friend backstabbing etc. But i would torture myself looking at her IM away messages looking for any tidbit of info. And i got hurt alot by the dumbest crap. I'd drive through town and see her car At peoples houses that she said she would never goto etc. I really put myself though the ringer.

With the most recent i knew what i had to do. And i started off good. Then i had one incident cut ties and have been forcing myself to continue NC. It sucks it's a roller coaster and sometimes i even feel guilty if i have a decent day.

makapuu

I would like to offer my technique for maintaining N/C. For me, my circle of friends give me strength. I tell them everything, they are with me during the good and bad of my love life. When I tell them why I have decided to break up with a guy, they have no trouble reminding me of every detail when I get weak and want to crawl back.

If I turn my back on my true friends because of some desperate urge to be with a no-good jerk, then I'm am disrespecting my friends and myself. It's really not worth it.

none12345

i agree friends do help on the healing process alot!

I wish

I want to second this. Friends and close family members can really help with the no contact. They help us channel our energy towards something else. Helps us with distractions.