Alright,

This situation is something i have never seen before. Before i even start, im 26 years old, and she just turned 21.. which could be the issue. Anyway, we have been dating for 1 year and 1 month, we got engaged 7 months into our relationship down in Florida overlooking the gulf of mexico. She was the one that wanted to get engaged, well i wanted to too but i was a little scared at first but just did it.

So lets cut to the story, we have been extremely happy before this last month. We hung out every single day, every night, all the time with each other. We had our little bickers back and forth, sometimes i had a temper and would yell, which was wrong, and sometimes she would just push my buttons. That didnt mean i didnt love her, or want to be with her. So she would tell me sometimes she didnt like that we never went out, or we didnt go out enough, that i wanted to stay in alot. I woudlnt really respond and just go about my ways..

So over the past week or so before we broke up, she was hiding her phone, texting people at all hours of the night, under her bed, hiding it from me! She would never do that, we never cared, looked at each others phones, laughed about it.. stuff like that. So i would ask, who are you texting, she would always say her girl friend. So one day i logged into her account, bad move maybe, but she was shady so i felt the need to, we're engaged! I saw she was texting her guy friend over the past week... now before i say she was cheating on me, she wasnt. Because this kid is just her friend, all her friends even say thats true too... so i texted this kid and he assured me nothing was going on with them two, but to have a sit down with her and talk. So i told her i did this, and that was the breaking point, she didnt come home that night and that was that.

So she didnt really talk to me those 2 days, went out, stayed at her friends, would text me that she wanted time and space alone time to be single she was unhappy with me the past month or so.. that i changed and stuff like that. Then she said how she is young, and wants to go experience being 21 and being single, and going out with her friends wheenver she wanted to... So that Monday she emailed me, because she heard my ex-girlfriend called me. She asked "When do you want your stuff back " and she sent a sad face.. so since that Monday we have been talking more and more each day, texting non-stop pretty much. I would say to her, "Hey come see the pets" because we have a lot of animals together, and she would say that she would cry if she saw me.

I sent her an email, saying that i respect that she needs some space, that we werent going down the right road, fighting alot, not respecting each other as much, not wanting either of us to go out with our friends. I told her that i realized that i wasnt the man she first fell in love with over the past few months or so, and that sometimes it takes space to realize what you were doing wrong, and i honestly do realize that now, and would do anything to get her back and show her!!

She also has had tons of school work over the past few months, studying like crazy, her finals are this week, she's stressed and nervous about that.. so maybe that has something to do with it.

So just yesterday morning, she texted me good morning . So we are on a talking basis every day, she tells me what she's doing all the time, i tell her what im doing. Last night i went there, she was studying at her friends house, and i talked with her mom. Her mom loves me more than anything, and was telling me that she does not think its truly over. That my ex sits around with tears in her eyes, that she is not herself. When her mom says "If its over , pack up his stuff, give him his ring back" she says "no no, i didnt say that it was over.. no".. she would just freak out. Her mom would say "Maybe you should go talk to him and use the pets to get over there." and she would say "Yeah maybe i will go over there..." Her mom thinks that she realizes that she does want to be with me, but doesnt know how to get it back... But then just last night we were texting again, and she re-iterrated that she wanted to just take a break, that she didnt want to truly break up, but needed a break to find herself.. but we still talk every day...

Her mom thinks its just a matter of time before she breaks down and comes back to me. What im doing is just trying to be strong when she texts me, trying to just be myself, be sweet and nice to her, not too overbearing because sometiems i do breakdown and tell her i miss her. Im trying not to push her away, but if her mom is telling me that she is miserable then i just think this is something different bothering her. Her mom also said to her "Maybe you guys should just get back together and not be engaged" and she would say "No thats just stupid.. no" ... so she tells her mom that she is not ready to give me up, and doesnt want to give my stuff back.. i mean hell my pictures are still on her wall in her bedroom, and there is a sign that says I LOVE and then my name, which is also still up... i just dont understand this. Maybe she is doing this to create some space for herself to study, maybe i was too overwelming to her and she didnt know how to tell me, or maybe she just is confused but does love and want to be with me.. i have never seen anything like this before, she isnt seeing anyone else, because her mom would definitley know..

I just need some advice, lol.. im doing all i can to be strong, and she is the one who texts me first every day.. i just respond. I love her with all my heart, this is the girl im supposed to marry! And i know deep down she knows im the guy she wants to marry too.

dip15

I also think that whatever it takes for a relationship to work, works. If its hanging out all the time, or hanging out twice a week... if it works, it works. Doesnt matter if its unhealthy to see each other every day, or not. Its whatever makes you happy!! That made us happy.. what didnt make her happy is the entire stress thing and us changing as people.. we were both stressed out and needed a break. Her school, her work, the stress of getting married and moving in together.. its stressful.

lavenderly

You mentioned:

You hung out EVERY single day and night and ALL the time with each other? No wonder you two burnt your relationship out. You should share your life by hanging out with other friends as well.U were bore down with stress and was very short-tempered. A well-rounded guy with friends would help release part of his stress.

Also, your gf is right to say that you are no longer the same because a woman fears most when they cannot connect with their male partner emotionally. She wants to know what's going on in your mind but you are bottling those emotions and ended up bickering on her.

Now...it's her turn to be stressed and nervous about exams. U expect her to solve her internal conflicts now on whether she wants to continue her relationship with u? That is not very possible. If she does, it will not be an accurate judgment.

What she is probably thinking right now is:

1) My studies come first and i do not want to have to handle the emotional rollercoaster now.

2) I am only 21 and I have to stick with just one guy for the rest of my life? There is so much more to see and experience.

3) I want to know how it feels to be with other men, but i do not want to let this nice guy go.

4)Hmmm...but is he really nice? He was yelling at me and telling me I was wrong. He even became possessive and jealous when he stole a look at my phone.

5) He seems to have changed now and wants a chance together again. But should I get back with him after my brave act to withdraw myself?

6) I love him and knows that he is making the best efforts to get me back to his side. He will be a great husband. But will his temper flare again someday and make me feel less attraction for him? I still have many choices out there...u know...

The conclusion is that she is still considering u, but she is now exposed to a new angle in life at which she can view the relationship without being personal. It all depends on how much attraction u can display to her to win back her approval. One more let down and she will be gone forever.

talaniman

If all it takes is glue and mortar we could all go back and fix our relationships, and be happy ever after. We humans require a lot more, and when its over its over.

EuRa

Where's the space? Where's the no contact?

My girlfriend just dumped me and asked for no contact, so I obliged. She needed time to figure things out, and I have been doing the same.

I think what you need to do, is ask for the ring back, and ask for some time apart from each other. Not 1-2 days, but 1-2 weeks. Maybe longer. And no talking to her friends or family. That's cheating. Time apart helps you sort things out, and helps you decide what to do with your life. It'll be good for both of you.

Wondergirl

She can't find herself otherwise?

Why should she? She has it all now -- the space she wants, being with her friends whenever she wants, being single whenever she wants, communication with you on her terms (not yours). Wow! She's got it made! Is this what they mean when they say, "She has her cake and is eating it too"?

I agree with another responder who encouraged you to break the engagement and go with NC for a few weeks or longer.