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all4peace · Apr 21, 2007, 07:49 PM

My fiancé just moved into a sober living house with 4 other recovering men for six months(minimum), and my problem is I'm not sure what role he can/should play in my and our daughter's life now. We are OK talking on the phone most days, going to therapy, and for the most part OK when we spend little blocks of time.. but then something snaps and... boom we are the same unhealthy mess, just today after an overnight and a trip to the zoo with us he goes running back to his "New House" and "new life" leaves my daughter and I in the dust. What should I do? Take a Serious Break from him, I probably wouldn't care then? We just keep showing up togather dysfunctional, Nothing is working I am so fustrated!!

Kstar4u · Apr 21, 2007, 08:13 PM

Luckily, You are not alone. I'm not a professional at this stuff but I have had a bunch of years involved in the recovery field. I would suggest that you get in touch with a group like Alanon, CODA or some other support network. Most folks would probably tell you to "let go" and give him time to focus on his recovery. This doesn't necessarily mean permanently... just for now... early recovery is very focused and time consuming (if it's done right). You could benefit from the opportunity to work on your own recovery while he works on his.

It's very common for a family member of someone in recovery to feel "left out" or feel like they're not as important to the recovering individual as they might have been before.

This is an opportunity for you to discover the things in your life that are REALLY important. I'll bet you'll be surprised by what you find. Love him, tolerate him, try to understand and be patient.

God bless you!