feeling excluded

shaun4 · #1 Jan 6, 2007, 09:54 AM

Ok here's the story. My boyfriend's b-day is this Wednesday and he happens to be off from work. I asked him where did he want to go (family included), he says my "mom and them are taking me out but you're not coming." he goes on to say that we'll go out another day to celebrate. it's been my experience that we never go anywhere when he says this. I politely explain to him that this has always made me feel left out and I don't understand why he wants to do it this way; we go back and forth for awhile. out of frustration i say "i don't want to do s*** for your birthday, go where ever you want to go!!" I know saying this was wrong, but what else could i have done, he ignored my feelings and didn't try to explain why he wanted it this way. i was trying to compromise and he refused. tell me what you think.

shaun4 · Jan 6, 2007, 10:19 AM

i left something out. he said "i want to have an intimate date with you," and "i didn't include my best friend of 14 years!" "blah, blah, blah" is all i heard, comparing me and his best friend is like comparing apples and oranges. i get the impression that he wants to have experiences and memories that don't always include me. this is fine, but i feel he should select another event to have separate memories for!

chuff · Jan 6, 2007, 10:48 AM

From what I'm gathering it sounds like he wants to celebrate with you alone? Is that bad? I don't know I just feel like there's more to this story.

shaun4 · Jan 6, 2007, 10:53 AM

for the most part that's what happened verbatim.

curlybenswife · Jan 6, 2007, 10:56 AM

Ok you arent gonna like this but from my little window looking in id say theres a problem along the way, does his mother actually like you??? is there any friction there?If there isnt well im also thinking he is a mummys boy and wont do anything to upset her.
Either way hunn your fighting a loosing battle no point screaming at him it will just push him further back into his family on the other hand yeah i see your point too.
See he may well just want to celebrate with you also but would rather tell you no than his family its a easier cop out thats for sure, less people to scream at him if he tells you no.

shaun4 · Jan 6, 2007, 12:23 PM

Me and his mom actually get along pretty well. In fact if i don't go with them she'll definitely ask me why i was absent. he is a momma's boy but that still doesn't explain why he prefers it this way. He claims it's as simple as wanting to go with his family one night and then having a "intimate dinner" alone with me, i'm not quite sold on this reason/excuse alone; I feel there’s more to it.

chuff · Jan 6, 2007, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by shaun4

Me and his mom actually get along pretty well. In fact if i don't go with them she'll definitely ask me why i was absent. he is a momma's boy but that still doesn't explain why he prefers it this way. He claims it's as simple as wanting to go with his family one night and then having a "intimate dinner" alone with me, i'm not quite sold on this reason/excuse alone; I feel there’s more to it.

Honestly, unless there's more to this which you say there isn't I would be inclined to think he wants to celebrate with you alone. And for him he gets not one but two birthday celebrations so its the double fun for him.



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