I feel slowly tortured to death.

I can't sleep I didn't sleep for 4 days now, she cried and asked me to come see her - at the position I couldn't so I was cheering her up by talking normally.. She cried and then she said, she is going to smoke..after that she didn't come on..

Can you explain, why she needed the space to protect her self? I kind of didn't get that..

The best thing you can do for this girl is take her to a shelter that deals with rape,And do it Now!
You can't help her because you can't possibly understand what she is going through ,no matter how much you try.

Sometimes being a friend means understanding how to help someone get better,and making them do that,its not always easy but love is tough sometimes. Be strong for you and your friend,

before i thought rape is not a big deal and such..

when i heard her voice, crying sobbing, with each word crying telling me some one put a gun on her head, smashed her face on a car...

felt as if i want to lye her head on my chest

i cry, when she told me what happened.. i should have been there for her.

It takes a very special person to care as much as you do.

I want you to think about the five months you have been talking to her not just her revelation and this past week. How open had she been with you about telling you where she lived or anything concrete about her life or people in her life?

Did she tell you what city she supposedly lives in or did you have to track it down through her phone number? You said that traced her 'hand phone' number. Do you mean 'cell phone'? Was it a number she gave you or that you got from 'caller id'? Had you called it before?

It may be difficult but you need rest and sleep. Being sleep deprived will make your judgment questionable. Do not put your life on hold while you try to figure out the puzzle. The puzzle may not have a solution and definitely not a quick one.

Take care of yourself so that you can remain strong.

In answer to your question, I wouldn't have a clue how to determine her address, nor could I help you find her. I'm not very tech saavy, just the basics.

Even if I could, I don't think it is a good idea. There is far too much you do not know, and even more than you cannot change about this girls' life.

What I meant by she could be protecting herself is, an online friend, or online activities are an arm's length form of communication. She can control how much she talks to you, what she says, and when. At the click of a button, if it gets too personal, or into territory she regrests talking about, or she feels vunerable wants to control or stop her information and emotions, she just shuts it off.

That was why I said she is likely protecting herself. Regrouping, coping, and getting back to a safe place where those in her real life, are manageable, and comfortable.

I do not doubt what you were told, and again, I think you did the right thing with the information she gave you. But she has stopped all communication, and does not wish, as you do, any resolve to what she has expressed to you. You cannot save someone who does not wish to be saved. Nor can you insist or continue to make enquiries, and try to find her. Obviously she does not wish to be found, and you are driving yourself crazy.

Ultimately, her life is her own, and she is only too aware of her past, and allowed it to be shared with you. Personally, although I understand where she might be coming from, as a counsellor myself, it is frustrating for someone to be able to identify major life changing events such as what you have experienced with her, and yet, they are unwilling to accept help, in order to help themselves.

And that is what you have to assume- she does not want help. And as helpful as it would be for you to know what has happened to her, you cannot change anything, if she clearly wishes no contact, or input, help, or direction, from you.

As I said before, should she at some time contact you again, let her know what you did, and also let her know that a friendship, as well as trust works both ways. Don't allow yourself to anguish over that which you have no control over.

Another thing to consider is, should you keep trying to find her, she may very well see that as stalking behaviour, and that in itself could open up another can of worms you don't want to deal with.

I hope you can put this to rest, albeit with a very large question mark, and realize that whatever is going on with her, is totally out of your control.

I agree 100% with what Jake2008 and Cat1864 has said.
I might add you need to talk to someone yourself so you don't come unhinged. You sound pretty lose to the edge and that does no one any good

Since you believe you loved each other.....Did she have your phone number? Had she ever called you? Do you know any friends or family of her's?

I'm going to repeat some of Cat's questions.....have you called her before on the number she gave you? Do you know her address? Have you ever exchanged cards, notes, etc., in the mail?

You did the right thing in contacting the police and having them check on the information you had. It was what any caring person would do.

I can't think of anyway to sensitively ask this next question, and I mean no offense, but is there anyway, when you think back on your conversations, how much information you knew about her, how you were able to contact each other, that she could have just taken you for a ride?

Sadly, there are people who will pretend to be who they are not when they talk to others online. Even to the point of playing the part of a friend, confidant, or someone who has feelings for another person. People have been scammed out of money, even marriages, from others they have met online who professed to love them.

I hope, in this instance, that this is the case and not that she is someone who truly is in trouble.

She will not die, but she is very depressed and who knows where she went....not in your life anymore. Sure you will torture yourself but you cannot do much more.