I met my ex of over 3 years when we were young. She was finishing high school and I was in college (we're 3 years apart). I've always been bad at commitment because I figured why commit so early when I have so much of the world to see. So for the first year, it was nothing more than casual "dating." Nothing serious. At the time, I ran around with a bad group of people. Doing drugs, binge drinking, stealing, lying, fighting, getting in trouble with cops, etc. In one word, trouble. (She hated it... HATED IT. We got into so many fights because of my "friends")

Then about two years ago, I was in a really bad car accident. I believe it was God's way of punching me in the face, because a slap wasn't working. I started to prioritize my life for the good, weeded out the people who brought me down, and associated myself with people either on my level or people I aspired to be like. I also realize that the girl really cared for me... and I wanted to try and see what would happen with me and her.

So two years passed, and I've grown to be a better person through the help of her, my family, and the people around me. I stopped doing drugs, started focusing on school, stopped smoking, drinking as much, went back to church, and focused on a future I deserve. We we're doing amazing and we started talking about the future (I'm not an idealist in any sense of the word. I've always been a realist). I never believed in soul mates, because I think the person we love is the one that fits into our lives at the time... so there isn't just one true love. But I'd be lying to say I didn't love her and didn't see a future with her. I was accepting of who she was and always supported her in her decisions, which not only improved her health/responsibilities, but her focus on school and just her overall set of friends.

Then, at the end of last year, like a brick to the face, something happened. A friend of mine died and so did a family member. I realize death is a part of life, but it made me realize... although life is the longest thing we know, nothing in it is guaranteed. So I told her that I didn't want her 5-10 years in the future, when and if we get married and have a family, to realize she never lived life and regretted having a long term relationship and not being able to figure what she wants in life. She dismissed it, saying she knew what she wanted, and I left it at that (this was around Thanksgiving).

Then around Christmas, I started struggling. The first Christmas without a family member there was really hard on me, and I needed someone to comfort me. Plus my family wasn't doing well financially. I've NEVER been the type of guy that is jealous. I've always trusted her because I'm really secure of who I am. I know I'm a catch and any girl would be lucky to be with me (I got a lot of attention before we started dating... even when we were dating at times). Honestly, if anyone would have messed up, I thought it would be me (never cheated on anyone though). So I always let her do her own thing, didn't really ask what, who, when all that stuff. I never cared because I trusted her. But during this time, I started getting needy... for selfish reasons obviously. She started feeling guilty because she wasn't giving me what she thought I deserved and wanted a break to figure herself out and become the person she thought I deserved. I said fine, but I don't believe in breaks, so we broke up.

I STRUGGLED at first for the first couple of days. But now, 3 weeks later, I'm a lot better. We talked once or twice after because I have no remorse for her (why would I, I'm the one who said I didn't want her 2 regret anything and wanted her to date around). I explained to her that after what happened last year, I grew as a person and I believe I transitioned from a boy to a man. She said she could tell, and she thought we weren't on the same level of maturity and that she still needed time to grow and to figure herself out. So I told her that's good. I want her to figure out if what we had was real because it was, and not because it was all she knew. I encouraged her to date to figure out what she wanted/deserved, and when and if she grows, be it in a couple months, years, whatever, then that's all that really mattered. I told her that I hoped she could use what we had as a tool for the future and figure out what she really deserves. I made no promises, but told her, we're both going to grow... if we grow in the same direction and want to try again, then we'll take it slow, step by step. But for now, even if you wanted me back, I wouldn't take you because nothing's changed.

I was really set on my future with her. I was going to look at getting a job in her area after college so we could spend more time with each other. I even started looking at rings (just a couple online). But life throws you obstacles, and it's how you deal with them that determines who you are. Me? I'm great. I want her to come around, in all honesty, and figure out herself and the fact that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me... but like I said, I'm a realist, not an idealist. Can't do anything but live my life and continue to grow.

And SOOOOOO... Nothing is guaranteed in life, so we have to live our life in that fashion. Why try and control something we have no control over. Things always work out for the best.

Today is good. Better than yesterday. And tomorrow? It's to early to tell... I'm still trying to figure out how today will end.

Good vent!! I like your attitude, and you seem like you would be really good at helping others who come onto this website (or trip onto it). Welcome to AMHD...

Carry on...

Although it sounds as though you have a great outlook on life and yourself as an individual... I'm not sure what kind of answers you are looking for here... either way, it sounds as though you are on the right path in life...

Not really looking for answers. I just wanted to vent a little and have people read my story and maybe be inspired to live life instead of letting it slip by.

Then you have done a good job... it sounds as thought you are on the right path in life... I tend to live by all those little saying you heard growing up as a child... make wise decisions in life and choose carefully... and always remember that brain will only get you so far, and luck will always run out... keep up the good outlook on life... your doing well..

I guess I can ask the question...

"Have you ever felt good after someone broke up with you?"

I'm not sure that "good" is the word I would use... but more of a sense of relief I suppose... to be honest, I have never been broken up with... it was always me that left the men... but either way, I do know what a broken heart is... there have been those situation that I left because I knew the person was not good for me... it doesn't mean that I didn't love them... it just means that I had to do what I knew was best for me... does that make any sense?

Good vent. Its great to see someone can move on quickly, but unfortunately it begs the question why is it so easy for you?

Not in a bitter way, although it may seem like that.

So you're either highly enlightened or not dealing with the situation.

I don't know.. hope it's the former for your sake.

It's not that it's so easy. That's not it at all. But looking at the bigger picture of life, and how things have gone for the last couple of months, I have to look into the perspective my losses.

It was more so that the break up was just the icing on a rough couple of years.

It's kind of like eating a lime then lemon, compared to eating a lemon from the start.

Good vent and a very MATURE self aware answer. Wish I was that secure.

I did feel good after one break up. The guy I was dating started dating my roommate while in college without telling me. (she nor he did) Well I found out and said if that was what they needed to do, then do it. I just wished they had told me before they started. He spouted off he did not need to ask my permission.

He wanted to remain "friends". I told him if I was not good enough to date I did not want second best, "friends". It really bugged the poo out of him and I actually felt good saying it.

So yes I have felt good when breaking up. I just was not as mature as you are.

Good luck!

*er I meant to say months