I have a baby that is 5 weeks old. I am living with the baby's father at the moment but the situation is shocking and not what I expected. We are both in our 30's. We admittedly didn't know each other long before I got pregnant, although it was no accident that I got pregnant. Before I got pregnant my BF told me that he had 1 son. But it later emerged that he also has twins that live in a different town that he has to pay CSA contributions towards but he isn't allowed to see them. He also didn't tell me that he had been married previously until I was 7 months pregnant.

I must have had the most stressful pregnancy you can imagine. I was made redundant, so had to start a new job for less pay. My BF has been unemployed and promising to start working self employed, but not doing what he says he will do. I was ill during my pregnancy and in hospital a lot. I also had to move house and redecorate my house and get tennents to rent it from me. While I was doing all this, my BF was drinking heavily with friends at the house. He promised that once our baby was born, he would stop his friends coming drinking...

All the stresses caused a lot of arguments and I resorted to staying with my Mum a few times. I was very highly strung as I was pregnant and anxious about money and BF was always taking money from me, but always found the money for beer. I will admit that the stress caused me to fly off the handle and stike him, because he would shout abuse at me and not listen to me. I felt and still feel so hostile towards him. I was pregnant with my 1st baby and he could have made life so much easier for me, but didn't.

I decided, against the advise of lots of friends and relatives to stay with him and let him attend the birth of our daughter and give him the opportunity to bond with her. But 5 weeks in, we are agrueing like cat and dog, he has his friends around. He is still drinking, still doesn't work.

I love him and feel so hurt that he doesn't put me and our baby first. I know some will say I should leave him, but I really want to try and make it work out. We have a daughter and I would love him to be a proper Daddy to her. Any advise?? Please help I'm going out of my mind...

You can't change him. There is only one person that is going to be able to get him to make the changes in his life he would need to be the proper father, and that is him. He needs a wake up call of some sort, although, it is very likely that he will never change, if he hasn't already.

It takes a shallow man, not to make his child and the mother of his child a priority in his life.

In my opinion, you and your child deserve better.

Your first priority is your baby,who must have a stable and secure home and a mother who can relax and be the best possible parent.

This guy,the way he is behaving now,is not a responsible parent.

I doubt he'll change,so I suggest you give him his marching orders.

Seek the help of your family and get the legalities sorted out,child support visitation rights etc.

You have a child now,make sure that child has the best possible upbringing.

That must have been a very short courtship period, and I'm sure in retrospect you realize your decidion to get pregnant with this man was a huge mistake. You knew nothing about him, including the fact he has twins he's not allowed to see (wondering why here), and another son, and now a baby with you.

Four kids to support, and he has no job, no prospects of one, and likes to spend most of his time drinking with his buddies.

What a winner.

But, you picked him.

I don't think there is a question here that the person that needs to change is you. A 33 year old man, already with three other children, isn't likely to change into an employed, sober, responsible, honest, and caring partner, let alone father to this baby.

The relationship itself, sounds hostile and argumentative. Both of you abuse each other, and that environment isn't suddenly going to change because you have a new baby.

I would be prepared to be on my own if I were you, solely for the sake of this child you decided to bring into the world, and line up for child support along with the other two mother's in his life that also produced children by him.

One positive thing in all of this is that you have friends and family to support you, and you will need this until you are back on your feet again, and have your life organized to work, and care for the baby.

The father may at some point in his life, change and grow up and take responsibility for himself and the lives he has created, but I wouldn't count on it happening anytime soon.

I think you do what his other baby mamas have done already. Get away from him, and contact CSA.

I'd like to know what it is about him that you "love" ?

He is only worried about himself, and his beer.

You can do bad all by yourself.

Good luck.

When I was reading this it reminded me of my sister and how just 6 months ago, she gave birth. How until my sister was in the time frame 8 months - to the baby being 3 weeks old (somewhere in there I'm sorry I don't know. It's not like I keep track of my sisters dating life, she's 21 she can handle herself.. . I think.) she was still (in the time frame is when she broke up with him.) with the father and they were together. They were friends before they were even 11. But back then, he seemed like a nice guy. But after she got pregnant the alcohol drugs lying and cheating started. He got her into alt of trouble, a lot of debt. He also broke her heart. For over half the time they were dating he was cheating on her, and using her money to buy alcohol. While, she was pregnant with my 6 month old nephew he was pushing her around and hitting her. We all told her to break up she said no and tried to work things out, she regrets not following us before. Now they are going to court. But my sister is taking him there she wants him to pay for his son. But he's a coward.

Breaking up could always be the best suggestion. :D GOOD LUCK WHERE EVER YOUR HEART LEADS YOU!!