I am in sort of a dilemma here. It has been 3 months since the break up and i have been doing the whole no contact thing off and on for the whole time. on her birthday i sent her an email just saying happy birthday and she responded back saying things like we should catch up and stuff like that. she came into my work a few weeks ago looking for me and i asked if she was up for getting together sometime the next week. she agreed and said that she would contact me to get together. the week past and i got no phone call or anything, I met a girl and went out for coffee with her and my ex found out about it. the day after making the coffee date i got a text message from my ex saying sorry about not phoning me and asked how i am doing. I didnt respond to the text cause i didnt want to seem desperate to talk to her. i went for coffee with the girl i met and really didnt have much in common with her and wasnt attracted to her because all i can think of was my ex.

by the end of the week i then decided to respond to the text message and later that evening i got a phone call from my ex. she was asking me how i am doing, how my date was and what i am up to to. then she just came out and was blunt with me...she said she really want to stay friends and that she misses me. she says that we were together for 5 years and i am an important part in her life and wants to stay friends but doesnt know how i stand in this. she says she will do anything that will help me through this..if it would be no contact for a year or not to call me or message me or whatever. i told her that i do still miss her and that my mind is really screwed up right now in what i want and that i do want us to talk but its too hard to do so. My question is I know that being friends is going to be hard to do and talking to her only makes me feel worse and more heartbroken, but is it possible to be friends with someone that you shared intimate moments with and still care for me than anyone in the world for 5 years? I know she cares about me otherwise she wouldnt have called me and i know that where she stands is different cause she did the dumping, but that might be how she feels now and might not feel that way later on. I am just not sure what to do cause i dont want her out of my life but i also still love her and always will so it will be hard and i cant figure out what is right. Please help

crushedovernover

I didnt read your story.. Listen man,.,. Take it from me. Be friends with her. Show her that it doesnt phase you.. Be there for her as a friend. It sounds tough and I didnt do it myself and I regret it till this day.. My ex and I have a son and Her and I cant talk. I have done NC for 4.5 months but so has she.. She cant talk to me cause she knows she still has feelings for me but our relationship just doesnt work. Be friends. Be the bigger man. And learn to let go.. I thought I was starting to move on and once again the uphill battle continue. It takes time man.. But stay friends. saying you dont know if you can be friends shows your weakk. Remeber that. Be stronger then she ever thought you can be.

needofhelp

Im in a similar situation after being with someone for 2 years. She suggested the friend thing, but it hurts too much for me. I still care about her and would not be able to be a friend after what happened. I wish that it could be as simple as being the bigger man, but be honest with yourself, can you handle knowing she is seeing someone else, that you've been replaced, etc. Right now its time for you to heal. Do what's best for you, not how she may feel. Obviously, the women that left us weren't thinking about how we feel.

mik2007

Well she has already found someone..a month into breaking up actually!! I dont know why some people are able to just drop a long term relationship and move on to someone so fast. it makes me feel like the 5 1/2 years we were together means nothing to her. he calling me shows me that she cares about me but she obviously not the way she used to judging by her new relationship. I still love her and would do anything to get her back but i am not sure if being friends would work. i dont want her out of my life but the way i want her in my life is different than the way she want me in her life. is being friends a way to get her back or will it set myself for more heartache?

DaBaAd

Why try to figure out someone else?

You have enough with trying to figure out your own self. Love is not trying to possess. No one is a possession. If you feel this way, then you are projecting out your insecurities. Work on who you are. Nobody is going to do that for you....no one.

It's letting go and knowing that the person you shared time with is deserving of her own decisions and actions. Have a place in your heart for her and move on with someone who might give you more of what you are seeking in a relationship.

nkychic

Should you be friends with her? Well I can't really answer that question, no one here can. I have one ex that I went out with for 3 years and we are almost best friends. But then I have another that I can't stand to be around. It all depends on the situation. I do however think you need to take time for you before you try this friendship thing. Give yourself time to heal. That isn't weak, it's smart. You need to build that strength up. Here are a few things to think about... being friends with her means seeing her with other guys, even talking to her about them. It means you are accepting that you all are JUST friends. I personally don't think it sounds like you are ready to do that. Give it time hon. Go out with your friends, the ones that have been there for you. Don't put yourself through the heartache right now. Wounds take time to heal...don't pour salt in it. Good luck and I wish you the best. Don't settle for less than you deserve and be true to yourself. You are the only one who can truly look out for your best interest. Drop me a line sometime if you ever wanna talk, and again...good luck. I know it's hard but remember "What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger".

<3 Leslie

enigmagnetic

Mik2007, It all depends on you. Right now it seems you can't handle it. It still hurts. You should tell her you need time to yourself for a while and you'll contact her and that you look forward to a time when you can be friends. Otherwise, believe me, you're setting yourself up to be tortured very slowly. Now Crushedoverandover, listen it's only been 4.5 months. You say you "regret it to this day" but not much time has passed. Just give yourself time to heal and then attempt. You sound like you failed but it is not abnormal for it to go that long. Relax time heals everything and if in fact you do have a child together you will be forced to see her eventually anyways, and then that's when you can attempt to be friendly. Don't be so hard on yourself.