I'm having a really hard time moving on from my ex and a very hard time maintaining a friendship with him. I'm 24 years old he is 30. We both want to support each other as friends and remain friends for a long time, I know a lot of people say it just doesn't work that way but we want it to. I've tried not talking to him, which does make me strnonger, and then every 2 weeks or so I give in, just wanting to talk to him know what he's up to etc. Any suggestions for making this 2 weeks of no communication last for 2 months?

I don't have a ton of friends since in a new city, so it's hard to just not communicate. But here's the curve ball - he has been hangin out with the girl he broke my heart with. I don't think they are serious at all because she lives in another state, but I have gone out of my way through myspace etc to see if they have been hanging and found out they have. It tears me apart to know he can start to explore another woman he broke my heart with, yet still want to be my friend. I have no respect for that, yet I still want to find it in my heart to be his friend. And it confuses me that he says he will never love another girl like me, he still has strong feelings for me but i'm sure this other fling has no clue. He'll say things like people will come and go in life but we''ll be friends forever. I don't feel like I should have to accept it, and another girl I really don't think I would care and I wouldnt feel the need to pry, but I feel betrayed. he even came back to me after we broke up saying he realized he did want me etc, he will get the other girl out of the picture, but nope he went back. He doesn't get it i've tried to explain to him how I feel, that he pretty much has to choose if my friendship is more important then an on and off fling, but he just gets upset about it all, because he feels like he should be able to make his own decisions ...and you know what he should. The whole thing has been a mess for too long now. It upsets me daily still to think about (we were living together also).Is it wrong to give him an ultimatum? Saying he has to choose whats more important a fling or a beautiful friendship? I feel like by me being in the picture he is getting satisfaction. I really want to be his friend, but I just don't feel like I can if this particular girl is in the picture AT ALL. Help!!

heather83

As hard as it is, I think you should just let go and try to move on. I went through a messy divorce not too long ago and i loved my husband so much-i was devastated. He was having an affair and it hurt, but i was so willing to take him back and just forget about it. He decided he wanted her more. I thought we could stay friends, but in the back of my head i was always thinking of ways to make him want to love me again. Needless to say nothing worked. It hurts-but you can't keep trying to hang on to him. Giving him an ultimatum of you or her isn't fair to either one of you. You need time to grieve and get over him. Maybe down the road when you're both a little stronger-you could be really good friends, but right now i just wouldn't think it's in your best interests.

Jiser

Its natural to miss your ex after a break up, but for your own good you should remove yourself from this situation. The time of healing is what you need and you can achieve this through No contact. After this time when you have moved on with your life, maybe perhaps you can be friends but untill that day you must heal.

Myspace and contact will stop the healing process, block him out from your life all together, put everything which reminds you of him in a box along with his contact details and put it somewhere you will never see. When you can finally look at the contents and know you are happy, you know you have moved on!

diya

Nothing in life is permanent...every relationship is temporary..enjoy and move on...it hurts for awhile but remember...no one not even your body remains with your soul...then why talk about humans. The more u would want to cling on to something...the more you'll lose it...it's a fact of life...let go...if it doesn't come back...it was never meant to be yours...
Try to close your eyes and take deep breaths three times...u'll be fine.

talaniman

Stop torturing yourself and accept the fact that what you had is gone, and leave them both alone. Get a life that you enjoy without either of them in your life period. Be unavailable to your boyfriend, so you can move on and make new friends and get your own life. Its hard but you must heal. You never will worrying about them or staying in contact with your ex. Move on.

tinsign

Sorry but i see right now this ex-friendship is not even worth having, He broke your heart with the same girl he is now seeing as a couple?.
Well honey let me tell ya with a friend like that, i would rather be friends with a spider as scared as i am of them.
NOW as a parent talking as if you were my own child..get out there have fun meet someone you can trust and don't look or go running back to him.

origins13

I know how you feel as I am going through a similar situation except that my ex is already seeing someone else and yet calls me every two weeks to check on me and tells me that he misses me. It's a very tough time because on the back of your mind, you are probably hoping that one day he'll tell you that he loves you and ask for a reconciliation. But right now, you must stay strong and move on. You're still very young. Love yourself more. Go out and do something fun!

guitargal

It all depends on how much I think they genuinely care about you. My ex of five years and I tried it, but there were too much feelings and history for it to work. My ex that I was madly in love with of less than a year and I are great friends now. Both parties have to want it.

valinors_sorrow

You have two choices: hurt him by ending the friendship or hurt you by continuing it. And YOU are choosing hurt you-- be very straight about that, okay? At this point I would choose differently. Politely stop all contact. Close the door on your end. Use the time to heal and then redirect your efforts to things that will serve you -- like new friends and new interests. How were you expecting this friendship to go? Sooner or later one of you finds someone you're interested in.... so he was faster than you, fast enough to warrent seeming to be a cad about it, but it all goes to the same crappy place when you think it out, doesn't it?