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    My ex-girlfriend wants to be friends

    Asked Jan 24, 2012, 07:38 PM 6 Answers
    I was just wondering if I could get some advice on this. About 3 months ago my ex broke up with me saying she wasn't happy and needed time to alone and needed to get her anxiety check. Before this we had been dating for 1year 8months. Now about 5 days ago she texts me saying she is sorry for everything which has happened and about the way she acted. I asked how she was and we just started to talk each other throughout the days. The night we started talking to each other again we saw each other and talked in person for about an hour or so and before we left each other she gave me a long extended hug.

    The next day she wanted me to come over and wanted to have sex. I mentioned that I wasn't sure about it all and that we should just hangout again. Something ended up coming up and we didn't hangout that day. We have been talking to each other since and she mentioned that she has always been "interested" in me and wouldn't be against a relationship if it had gotten to that point.

    Today we were just casually talking and she mentioned that she was having a hard time in college and work and all and I offered to give her a massage the next time we were to hang out. She replied that she didn't want that and that she did not want any affection or emotions from anybody and said that if this were to happen then emotions would be brought up. I mentioned the whole sex thing and she said that she wouldn't have regretted it but it would have been a mistake and she was talking off impulse.

    She then said that she likes us texting and being friends and not to be mad at her, she likes me in her life. What should I do about this? I still have feelings for her.

    Last edited by talaniman; Jan 25, 2012 at 01:49 PM.
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    6 Answers
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 75,727, Reputation: 7217
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    #2

    Jan 24, 2012, 07:56 PM


    If you want to really try to get back , heck, go for it, IF you have moved on, then keep moving on, it is just your choice.
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    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 7,273, Reputation: 3474
    Marriage Expert
     
    #3

    Jan 24, 2012, 08:26 PM


    Have you ever heard of No Contact? It is where you have absolutely no communication with your ex. No phone calls. No meeting up. No looking at Facebook pages. What it does is gives you time and space to heal from the break up and it limits the confusion that communicating with an ex causes.

    From what you have said, she isn't going through an easy time. She seems to be staying in contact with you because she needs a crutch. If she were in a healthier position, I don't know if she would still be talking to you. This is not good for you.

    You do not need to be her crutch while she heals. You need to take care of yourself. Concentrate on your own healing and moving forward. Don't fall into the trap of allowing your feelings for her to keep you confused and holding on to false hope that she will come back to you.

    Live your own life. It does hurt at first, but as you move forward the pain lessens until one day you realize it's gone. Then you can think about being friends with her if she has her life together. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you are meant to be with that person.

    Good luck and take care of yourself.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,063, Reputation: 10289
    Senior Family & People Expert
     
    #4

    Jan 25, 2012, 01:45 PM


    I get the impression she is tired of hanging out and giving away free sex, and its not going anywhere. So she put herself in the position to explore her other options since you seemed to lack any commitment.

    I mean who dates for almost two years and not be clear about what's going on? You may have feelings still, but you have done nothing about it, so tell me what the point is in being confuse now? You either take a risk and pursue something serious, or get another hangout buddy, free sex partner!

    Nothing confusing about that.
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    mmresd's Avatar
    mmresd Posts: 1,978, Reputation: 551
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    #5

    Jan 25, 2012, 05:05 PM
    Let her go, it seems as if she is just keeping you there as a back up plan, not wanting to commit but having you in her life. She is either with you, or without you, you need to make her make a choice, whatever it is. If she doesn't want to, then just move on.
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    Jimmy78's Avatar
    Jimmy78 Posts: 84, Reputation: 21
    Junior Member
     
    #6

    Jan 26, 2012, 10:04 AM
    I don't mean to be rude but F**K that B**tch! If someone doesn't want to be with you leave and go no contact. If they speak to you in the street treat them like the Sh*t they are. Sorry for sounding like this but I was so good to my ex girlfriend. I never treated her bad like guys she dated before me and was a real friend unlike the trash I have to compete with who she does everything for and not me.
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    smith4ag's Avatar
    smith4ag Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Jul 16, 2012, 04:34 PM
    Hi, I have delt with this same situation for about the four years me and my ex were dating! I see that she broke up with you for some reason that truly doesn't seem valuable at all. She decided she wanted to be done after a year and 8 months for some other reason then being stressed out or anxiety. I mean when you date for as long as you and I wouldn't you think she would want you to be by her side helping her through every minute she can get form you to pass this problem she is having? Or maybe she was confused she wants to experience other things such as men yes! Trust me no girl says she wants a break up unless she truly is over you and has lost every ounce of feelings for you. My ex did the same thing her friends were having a blast being single and living life and she was with me, I was not in ay way holding her back but I guess in some way of her thinking I was! So she broke up with me like yours did and asked to talk and have sex and just cuddle. It does not in any way work that way my friend that guy is right your being her crutch for nothing. Nothing at all! So as hard as it is to not text nor call her back or anything towards her, the best thing for you to do is to restrict yourself from her and any relationship now and just find out who you really are and see what else may come into your life. Listen to your parents also they truly cant say that enough have the most valuable precise information about this stuff that WILL my friend help you out more then online people! I promise you your going to look back at this and say wow what the F***K was I thinking? Trust me after four absolute long years of being blind and not realizing this girl is catching me on some bait and then throwing me back in to catch me again that it was all a waste of time emotions and even life. I'm sure you know this but as you know life is shorter then we think. Once your done with school and you begin a chapter in your life that you won't want to go into with anything you regretted not doing. So if your young and want an answer a legit strong fact answer, I'll give it to you... Experience the world around you, with as much enthusiasm and happiness you can give to each and anyone you see. Do as much stupid fun crazy things now, before it's all gone and your out of time. Relax and take a deep breath get your thoughts together when she calls or texts and ask yourself is this in anyway for the best of me? Or will I just regret seeing her and bring up old flames. Just do what is best for you. Its hard but honesty once you cut it out for some time, you start to see the world and things you've done in such a beautiful way!
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