At Ask Me Help Desk you can ask questions in any topic and have them
answered for free by our experts. To ask questions or participate in
answering them you must register for a free account. By registering you
will be able to:
Get free answers from experts in any of our 300+
topics.
ex girlfriend still loves me but seeing someone else
My ex girlfriend and I were really serious but then I decided to ask for a break because she was always talking about never being alone and wanting to be confident on her own. I guess I was just a little afraid that if we took it to the next level and she still felt that it could be disastrous. She didn't take it good at all. I told her I wasn't stuck on the break and was willing to just stay together but she said no. So within a week she met someone. She told me he was nothing to worry about but still kept hanging out with him. I tried to get her back because obviously that wasn't what i wanted. She said that she wasn't ready and still had anger towards me. She told me that I was the one for her and that after the break she wanted to get back together and take it to the next level... But now was the time for her to do this alone thing. Anyway about 1 1/2 months in after we had still been talking on and off. I would think things were getting good and then she would consistently say we shouldn't talk that it was just making it harder but then contacting me. So finally I stayed strong for a week. She called me like 10 times drunk and just wanted to check on me. I talked to her the next day and it was the same. So I stayed strong for another week and then saw her out with her friends. We said hello. Then the next day she text me asking if she ruined things. I of course thought she came to her senses and text her back that she hadn't. She said she felt stupid for not being ready for us so I called to find out that she was still seeing this guy. She came over to my house and told me she wished we could go back to where we were and that this guy wasn't anything special but that she still wasn't ready. When I asked her why she was still seeing this guy she said he really liked her and treated her really well but felt weak for staying with him because she loved me. She said she was confused and needed to get her together. Anyway I decided to stop talking too her and a week later I called her and left a message saying I wasn't going to take it anymore that I was moving on. The next day my phone was bombarded with calls and messages about her finding out something about me and needing to talk to me. You see I had decided to move away but didn't tell her so Im not sure if she found out. I don't know how she would... Anyway I stayed strong and didn't answer. She said she never wanted to talk to me again and that she wouldve been supportive of me... So the next day she texts me again saying she had a question and if I didn't respond she would leave me alone so I didn't and then she called me later. Then two days after that she text me again asking a favor... I love this girl but I'm not going to continue to hurt myself by talking to her especially when she is seeing someone else. I want a future but I can't just be the fallback guy...
you re right dont be her fallback guy.whatever problems she has theyre hers now.no contact means you get a space for you so you can start to move on with your own life.Im sorry for your pain but it will get better in time and you will heal.
1) She already moved on, which is why she is with someone else. Obviously her feelings for you have changed, otherwise she wouldn't risk loosing you by going for another guy.
2) You became the backup plan in case things don't pan out with this new dude. Just because she says she still loves you doesn't mean you should be sitting around waiting for her to break up with this new guy just to come back to you.
3) Actions speak louder than words. She might tell you that she still loves you, but her actions are contrary to it. If she really still loved you, she would be trying to work things out with you and not letting you go.
4) Stop being her safety net and move on with your life.
I completely agree with I Wish. She is keeping in touch with you in case things go wrong with the other guy.
Here are some things you need to ask yourself:
If she loves you then why isn't she with you? It makes no sense.
If she wants to do this alone thing then why does she have another man? She isn't exactly alone.
Keep up the no contact with her thats your smartest move yet. I can only see her coming back to you when all her other plans fail her.
You have looked out for yourself very well as her plan was only to keep you close in case things didn't workout with this new guy. Females who play this game, are very needy of having someone, anyone. And yes, had you stayed you would have been her back up plan/fall guy.
Well done, and you should celebrate having the sense to follow your brain and not your heart. It still sucks though, I know, but it wont hurt forever, nor will she pester you for long as long as you ignore the BS she wants to talk about.
I dont think she has anything pressing to talk over with you. I get the feeling its her way of getting back in your life since she saw how well you kicked her out of it. Stay strong.
The name of this topic is contradicting. If she still loves you she would not be with someone else, plain and simple. NC time, don't be somebody's plan B.
I feel like I am getting stronger and it is really hard but I still have the urge pop up sometimes to talk to her. Its really hard! This no contact thing I have kept up for almost a week but if she keeps trying to talk to me its goin to be hard not to answer. Can people like her change or is it a lost cause?
I feel like I am getting stronger and it is really hard but I still have the urge pop up sometimes to talk to her. Its really hard! This no contact thing I have kept up for almost a week but if she keeps trying to talk to me its goin to be hard not to answer. Can people like her change or is it a lost cause?
They may grow up. May change, but it's not worth your time waiting on that to happen. I would label it a lost cause. Find someone who will appreciate you and respect you for all that you are.
It's going to be hard, but once all of the facts set in, you'll see things about her you've needed to see.
She has already changed, and thats why your not together, and she has someone new.
Do you mean will she change back, and take you back? She may, if the new guy is not what she wants. Or if you let her keep you waiting in the wings.
The issue is, once you take her back, the chances she stays with you go down dramatically just because she will know you will wait for her no matter what.
Thats like telling her, that she can explore whenever she wants, and comeback whenever she wants. The reason you leaving her alone is so you cannot be strung along by false hope, that she will be back, because the fact is she dumped you, and has another, so she is not confused at all, she just thinks the grass is greener over in his yard, and you will keep the gate open for her if its not as green as she thinks.
She is not weak either as she was strong enough to dump you and still try to keep you close enough to comeback, even though she has another love interest right now.
The good news is, as you heal, and gain a clear perspective, you will see things that your emotions have blinded you to before about her. Stay strong.
Give yourself a chance to heal, even if she doesn't. If she truly cared about you and not just herself, you would have talked about it before the break up. She would have given you a lot more than lip service wouldn't you think.
Linear Mode
