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    Is my ex-girlfriend in a rebound relationship?

    Asked Apr 29, 2012, 06:19 PM 7 Answers
    I want to give as much detail as I can, so I apologize in advance for the length. I am 25 and my ex-girlfriend is 22. My ex-girlfriend and I mutually split in late February 2012 after over 2 years together. I considered it as more of a "break" with the intention of getting back together when we had some time apart. A few days later she was telling me how she really missed me and wanted to get back together. I told her that we should probably wait until we met face-to-face and could talk. A few weekends passed. We were both busy and we live an hour away from each other. Then she started to ignore me. She apologized and said she wanted to work it out, but then two days later told me to get the rest of my stuff from her apartment. When I went over to her place, she said that we had tried everything for awhile and that she didn't want to be with me right now, but maybe someday. It was emotional for both of us. I went NC for eight days and she randomly messaged me on Facebook saying, "hi." We texted for a little while making small talk, and I asked if I could call her. She said sure, and when I called her we talked about work and things; mainly small talk. I asked her if she still had feelings for me, and she said she did, but did not want to get back together at this time. I told her I agreed, and told her I'd love to see her sometime. She was all for it, and we agreed to make plans after the weekend. Well, the next day was her birthday, and I called her to wish her a happy birthday. She appreciated the call, and later that night drunk dialed me asking me who these girls were that were commenting on my Facebook, and wanted me to pick her up. Since I was visiting family and was over an hour away, I couldn't. She called me the next day to apologize and we talked for awhile about work again. I didn't mention anything about hanging out, as I didn't want to come off as too desperate or needy. Two days later I wished her a happy Easter and she did the same. Two days after that, I noticed she posted on Facebook that she was addicted to a song about lost love where the singer is praying we could be together forever. I took this as a sign and called her the next day. I got her voicemail and left her a message asking if she was still interested in hanging out. A few hours passed and I saw her on Facebook and asked if she got my message. She said she had, but that she was talking to her mom. She then said that she was busy for the next few weekends and was sorry. She said she was sorry to cut this short, but that she had a lot of homework to do. I told her to let me know when she wanted to hang out and she said she would. Two days later I sent her a text saying that just because I hadn't contacted her much over the past few weeks didn't mean I didn't love her, miss her, or care about her. No response.

    I then noticed that 8 days later she has deleted me and all of my friends and family from Facebook. I asked her the next day why she did this, and she said that she met someone. I asked her if our time meant anything together, and she said it did, but that it had run its course. She said she hadn't forgotten me, but was moving on. I told her I was letting her go, thanked her for everything and wished her luck. She said that she was glad we are parting on good terms and she knows I will find someone that makes me happy. Well, a few days later I found out that not only was she seeing someone, but was in a full blown Facebook official relationship with a brand new guy. I want to reiterate, she did NOT know this guy when I went to her apartment to get my things. He added her on Facebook the day before we talked on the phone and she told me she still had feelings for me.

    Two weeks and three days after she tells me she has feelings for me, she is in a full blown relationship with someone completely new? How can she get over her feelings so quickly? She had planned on hanging out with me until this guy must have shown some interest in her. I feel like this is a classic rebound and she is using him to move on from me. She told me she was moving on, not that she had moved on. One of my good friends is in grad school for psychology and he said he thinks she is distracting herself from her feelings and doesn't want to be alone. Even one of her friends is shocked. I'm not going to wait around, but I still love and miss her. I was just curious as to what you guys think and how long this "rebound" might last?

    I forgot to mention she is still tagged in pictures of us together on Facebook. Not sure if that means anything or not.

    Last edited by talaniman; Apr 30, 2012 at 07:22 AM.
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    7 Answers
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,101, Reputation: 10295
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    #2

    Apr 30, 2012, 07:42 AM


    I find it funny almost that you were so nonchalant when she wanted you back, and what did you do? You rejected, and ignored her for weeks.

    A few days later she was telling me how she really missed me and wanted to get back together. I told her that we should probably wait until we met face-to-face and could talk. A few weekends passed. We were both busy and we live an hour away from each other. Then she started to ignore me.
    That's a lot of nerve being so hurt now when you should have been handling your business a while ago. You took her for granted, and let her languish in limbo, so of course she said enough.

    Doesn't matter if this is a rebound, or how long it will last. Not your business, and only a psychic can foretell the future. I can say that most people are very reluctant to give any one a second chances after being ignored and disregarded, and that's what she probably took from the way you handled this. Maybe not your intention, but you were to busy to show you cared so she found someone who did.

    Maybe it is a rebound, maybe its one of many until she puts you behind her. You blew it, and can beg if you want, but this will amuse her, not attract her. Hell you were little more than a part time relationship at best, no matter how dedicated you may think you were. She was only an hour away, may as well been on the other side of the world for the efforts you put in.
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    oneal77's Avatar
    oneal77 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Apr 30, 2012, 02:15 PM
    I never ignored her at all. I just told her that I didn't want to get back together with her over the phone. I thought it was something that we should do face-to-face. She was busy as well on the weekends. I have to get up early in the mornings so I thought having a longer time to discuss and not have a deadline would have been helpful. I will agree that I did take her for granted, but never once did I ignore her. Not once. I am not that kind of person.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,101, Reputation: 10295
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    #4

    Apr 30, 2012, 05:18 PM


    If you both were to busy then what do you expect but failure. You passed up your chance, obviously since you never got back, phone or other wise.
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    oneal77's Avatar
    oneal77 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Apr 30, 2012, 06:01 PM
    No I did get back. We talked quite often, just not in person since we both had work, school, and family things going on. The point is that she contacted me after I got my stuff from her place 8 days after NC saying she still has feelings for me and had no problems with hanging out. A few days later she basically shows no interest, and 2 weeks and 3 days later, she is in a full blown relationship.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,101, Reputation: 10295
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    #6

    Apr 30, 2012, 09:25 PM


    Like I said, you blew it. She just kept doing her thing, and has moved beyond this relationship, and it matters little that she has feelings, because who sits and waits for something that hasn't happened, nor likely not to happen because YOUR priorities were on other things, not her. That's all that matters.

    Reality is she exercised her options not to hang around and wait for you to make her a priority. She didn't love you enough to wait.
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    oneal77's Avatar
    oneal77 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    May 1, 2012, 04:06 AM
    During that time when we were just talking, I did tell her that I wanted to meet up. She even said that she didn't think I was ready yet and wanted to wait. To me she is just using this guy to move on. It's not like I wanted nothing to do with her. Quite the opposite in fact. She knew I still loved her. We just needed some time. Sorry, but I'm not going to rush into something when both of us are not ready. You are very much misinterpreting this whole situation. Never ignored her, talked almost every day, agreed to work things out, and then one day she didn't anymore. You could say I blew it, but she was eager to meet up and then I think she found this guy to move on with.
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    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 47,101, Reputation: 10295
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    #8

    May 1, 2012, 08:34 AM
    I agree with you, she is determined to move on. My point was her decision to do her thing, her way and not yours is the whole issue. She is entitled to make her own choice. You just have to accept it, leave her alone, and do your own thing. My point is it doesn't matter if it's a rebound to you, the results are the same aren't they?

    She is with some body else. Who can know how long this rebound will last? They probably don't know either.
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