Ex girlfriend loves me and her ex, but is confused and ended it with me.

dcl66 · Jun 27, 2010, 09:25 AM

Update:
Last night I went on a date with a new girl, I will call Sara. I have talked to her before, and she called and asked me to go to a swimming party with her and her friends. So, I said yes. We swam together and eventually started holding each other. I was distant at first, but mellowed out later. I am not sure I feel an attraction to her. I just keep thinking, it is too soon, but I also want the contact of others. I really don't have any friends and my family are far away. So, I am basically alone. Anyway, I drove her back to her car and kissed her goodnite and it was good. But on my way back home, I broke into tears and felt terrible.
What I have left out is that I know that yesterday, my ex went to see her ex, or he came to see her. I know they were together yesterday afternoon and maybe today. She told me that she has no plans on sleeping with him, but I couldn't help but wonder what is going on between them. What is so bad, is that it makes me upset that he is with her, and I am not. I should be there. But, I know, you will say I am in denial.

Ash123 · Jun 27, 2010, 12:53 PM

Just stay away buddy....at least 90 days of NOT knowing what she is doing. She is not the girl for you but log the days until that makes sense.
Sorry, I know it suxxxxxxxx

dcl66 · Jun 27, 2010, 12:59 PM

Today has been pretty good, but those thoughts come through when I least expect it. I want to ask her so many questions, that I probably already know the answer too, but feel I need to ask anyway. Crazy. It's hard to understand why someone that said she loved me could cause all this pain in me. Seems like I am hurting while she is having fun and only feeling guilty. But, I have read a lot of posts on this site, and they have helped. I took a big step and deleted her numbers from my phone. Felt like I was losing her again. It was hard to do. But I know I have to start NC now. She will have to want me back for it to ever work again. Why does it seem it is so easy for a woman to break contact with her boyfriend, while guys fall all over themselves to make contact?

Ash123 · Jun 27, 2010, 01:49 PM

Stay awayyy......

Your future is elsewhere.

talaniman · Jun 27, 2010, 01:50 PM

Your pain makes you see things that way my friend. Soon you will see things with clarity, and understanding when your emotional dust has settled.

Then what she is doing will no longer be important, and you can enjoy doing your own thing, and not worry about what she is doing. Matter of time, so go NC, and be patient.

dcl66 · Jun 28, 2010, 10:43 AM

Today is bad. I am missing her so much. I'm glad I deleted her number cause I am sure I would contact her. My willpower is so low. I received a text last night, out of the blue, from her wishing me "Good night. Hope your Monday is a great one." I was totally blown away by it and keep wondering what it meant. Was she just being nice, or was she starting to miss me more? I am not letting this get my hopes up. I will still do NC. But I keep thinking that maybe I should call and just talk to her about how she is feeling now with no asking her back and just being casual and non-threating. I know, that this is wrong, but I can't help thinking it will help me get over her better if I know she is getting over me and not even thinking of getting back together ever. I just don't know.

talaniman · Jun 28, 2010, 11:35 AM

Quote:

I just don't know

I DO know. For a fact you need to regain your clarity of thought through NC, and remember you got dumped because HER confusion is now yours.

Its hard, yes I know from experience, but making decisions based on facts, and not confused feelings is your goal.

Thats what NC is all about, and what you need to be doing.

Its the HARDEST, and BEST, life lesson I ever learned to cope with MY own feelings. You also learn a lot about yourself, and how to handle yourself during times of great stress and indecision.

vanheart · Jun 28, 2010, 07:34 PM

Time for NC. Forever.

Shes playing you & using you.

Wants you as her backup plan.

Is that the kind of person you want?

She will keep doing that no matter who she's with.

Show her who's in control by NEVER speaking to her again.

And be glad to be rid of that type.

dcl66 · Jun 28, 2010, 07:37 PM

Why are some days much harder. I am sitting here now forcing myself not to call her. Reading all the posts on this site does help. But, the pull to contact her is so strong. I hope tomorrow is easier. I have to keep telling myself that she has to be the one to contact me. I don't have her now and contacting her may make it worse. But my mind also tells me that maybe calling her will remind her of me and maybe I will say something that will change her mind. I know it is fantasy, but those thoughts creep in. It's going on three weeks now since the break up and I really don't feel any better (well some better). Hopefully the pain will ease soon. The longing inside seems too much to take sometimes.

vanheart · Jun 28, 2010, 07:45 PM

Yeah, takes time. Don't worry.

Just know that she is not the reason for your happiness or your existence. Just the opposite, actually.

Think rationally. She used you to realize she would rather be with her ex.

Not someone worth crying over. She made her bed, let her lie in it & you to learn from this.

Never get with someone that's secretly pining for someone else.

Sorry man. Time to move one & forget this one.
Not worth your precious time or feelings.

Ex girlfriend loves me and her ex, but is confused and ended it with me.

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