My ex girlfriend has already moved on. How do I?
Asked Jan 25, 2009, 01:13 PM
Everyone has a story, so here is mine..
I'll try to keep this as short as possible, but to fully embrace the scenario this I must describe the relationship with my first love.
How it all started: Jan 08. One week before my first deployment to Iraq, some friends and I went downtown to drink party before leaving. Well, acroos the dance floor I noticed a cute woman and gained the courage to speak to her. I sparked a conversation, we danced, and completely hit it off. I found out that she was 5 years older and a higher rank than me, (one I am prohibited from having a relationship with..) and that we were deploying to the same place in Iraq. At that moment I felt there was something special about her and eagerly awaited my trip to the desert..
Iraq: Among everything going on with being in a war, my plan was to simply get to know her and see where things went. She showed interest right off the bat by sending emails, and arranging secretive meetings to talk and hang out. Not 1 month after we had been there, she told me we can no longer hang out because of "higher up's" beginning to talk. That is totally understandable because she would get in more trouble than I would. Well coincidence or not she idmediately began "hanging out" with an army spec ops dude which developed into a serious relationship. I was slightly hurt because I knew what was going on but couldn't say anything. Towards then end of our tour in May, he had gone to another base, and she had received an article 15 for dating/having sex with him. As punishment she was delayed from returning to the US for one month. During which time I was the ONLY person to keep in contact with her daily through email saying everything would be ok and allow her to vent about the stress she was feeling. I knew my place was nothing more than friend status at the time but that would all change..
The Relationship: She returned from Iraq one month later than me, and contacted me right when she arrived home. (As fate would have it, we happened to be living in the same apartment complex) After a week of hanging out as just friends I made my move and kissed her at the complex pool and she ended up cheating on the spec ops dude with me. That started the beginning of "us"; She broke up with the other dude. Our relationship was like something in the movies I had never been happier, the biggest flaw was prior to our first, I received orders to a new duty station in Germany. I had to report here by the end of November. She began using terms of endearment quickly and even after 2 months was telling me how much she loved me and can't be without me. We really had such a strong chemistry that the thought of leaving was unbearable. We broke up the day I left, and sent me off to start a new life in Germany alone..
The Heartbreak: Getting started in this foreign country was hard enough but try adding the loss of someone you truly loved more than any other woman. It has been miserable, we stopped talking at the beginning of December because constantly reliving the life I had in the states had been consuming me. Christmas day I found out that she has a new boyfriend and it is one of my old co workers. I looked at her myspace for the first time in a month and saw she had posted a bunch of pics with them kissing and on dates. It absolutley devastated me! I think about her often, and am even tormented by vivid and long dreams with her. It has affected me so much that I've seen a counselor twice. I think the reason it is so hard on me is because I am here and haven't had the opportunity to meet even guy friends yet. So of course I'm going to think about past times..
My Questions: Why would she do that to me? Of all the people she would want to hurt why me? She knows that I've been alone trying to establish myself over here. I can't just turn off my feelings for her. She has made it very clear that she's already moved on by deliberatley posting those pics. So why can't I "just" move on? I know it was my first love, and signs were there that it wasn't going to work, but I just can't seem to get over it. Does anyone have any advice?
I left out a lot, but I know it was still long. I just need to get this off of my chest. Thank you.