Ex girlfriend dumped me, going crazy inside still, tips to cope

jrebel7 · May 25, 2008, 10:58 PM

I am so sorry you are hurting so badly over this girl. From what you say, it sounds as if she is using you. Listen to your friends. They may know more than they are sharing with you, hoping to spare your feelings since you still put some trust in this girl.

Give her space............as much space as you can put between yourself and her.....no more texting, no talking on the phone, do not let her stay at your place. Tell her goodbye. Let that be the end of it.

Until you become proactive for your self, you will be miserable and waiting. There are too many decent, caring people out there just waiting for a trusting, caring person, such as yourself.

I don't say any of this to be short with you or unfeeling. We have all been there in one way or another in our lives. You will receive a lot of good advice on this thread. Read it all, take in as much as you can, you will know the right thing for you to do. Choose well, you have much happiness waiting out there but as I read your situation, the happiness is not going to happen with this girl.

She has moved on and you need to make your decision to move on. It doesn't matter who made the first decision to move on, it only matters what decision for your life you make now. She will want to hang on for awhile because she feels secure with you still caring so deeply for her. I don't mean to imply when you make the choice to move on, that the pain will go away quickly. But when you aren't listening to her phone all the time, knowing she is getting texts or waiting on her to grace you with her presence after she has been out all night, the pain will dissipate sooner than you realize.

Keep us posted on your situation and ask more questions if you feel the need. There are some amazing people with tremendous insight on this site. Just read it all as I suggested then choose well. Best to you!

KalFour · May 25, 2008, 11:37 PM

Hi Theratt,
Sorry to hear what you've been going through. It's never an easy situation to be in.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but for your own sanity I'd advise you to cut contact with her, at least for a while. Having her around all the time is just going to upset you, especially if she's flaunting her friends at you. You need to do exactly what she's doing, and go out with friends to just relax AWAY from her.
It's very unfair of her to say "down the road we can try again". This is her attempt to leave you hanging, and whether or not she intends for you to get back together this will give you hope, and potentially stop you from moving on.
I'd suggest that you stop letting her stay at your place. Tell her that if she's no longer with you, she's lost the privileges of being looked after.
You need time and space, relaxation, and distraction.

Take care of yourself,
Kal

jammyb · May 26, 2008, 02:16 AM

Short and sweet...

FINISH IT! Don't talk to her or see her, ever. There are MANY MANY more caring people out there, and she obviously isn't one of them. Sorry to say it, but no contact is theway forward on this one.

Chery · May 26, 2008, 03:09 AM

If you've read the four stickies at the beginning of the Relationships section, you might still want to read them again.

Get up and work on your self-respect. You are being used. Dose that feel good? NOPE!
We know how much this hurts. We know what you are going through and I suggest that you do the full No Contact.

Change the locks on the door, don't wait up for her and change your phone number. Then, rearrange the furniture and trash all evidence of her. Get new decor for the bathroom, bedroom and anywhere else you spent a lot of time in.
She can go and camp out with her new friends and leave you alone to collect yourself and reflect how good life can be. Remember the goals you set yourself before you met and start over.

Never ever put anyone else in the center of your universe! You are the one that should count in your life, then others can share it with you but only if they have the same values and morals as yourself.

It's a bumpy road back to self-awareness but we will be here to help you. So, now, get to work!

Things will never be the same, we grow and learn from the good and the bad. That's just the way life is so please accept it and move on.

talaniman · May 26, 2008, 05:27 AM

Why are you letting yourself be used in this way, when all you have to do is make her dissapear from your life, and rebuild your own. You really need to stand up for yourself, and love yourself a lot more, because she has proven she doesn't, and stop falling for any line she feeds you, knowing its all BS! Stop all contact, and take your life back.

theratt · May 26, 2008, 05:16 PM

I've been workin on getting outdoors as of the last few days and clearin my head. I recently decided to turn my phone off when I do things so I don't stare at it all day and try and call or text her, I think its a start? - the RATT

jrebel7 · May 26, 2008, 05:35 PM

I'm proud of you for making a start toward a better place in your life.

Sometimes, it is just a step at a time and you have made the first one.

Consider this: If she is still coming to your house, this step you are taking will diminish but and you will step backward.

Each of us have to make our own choices and our journeys. The advice you have received here has been good solid advice for your good but sometimes it takes us getting hurt over and over to finally make that decision that has to be made.....which is....make the break and don't look back.

But for now, I commend you on taking the first step and we will be here to encourage you along the way even if you just need to vent. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and some of us have that to share with you. Hang in there and just keep working toward what will give you peace and give you joy in your life. What you are experiencing right now is torture.

Stay in touch and best to you!

theratt · May 28, 2008, 07:22 PM

Today I heard a quote from a good friend.
Don't make someone a prioriety when you're just an option.

It made me think of my situation and made me sit back and think about things. This quote is so true, I don't know if its been brought up on this site before, maybe its been said tons of times but its so simple but so so powerful and straight to the point. I wrote it on a sticky note and hung it up in my room.
- out the ratt

talaniman · May 28, 2008, 07:27 PM

That's a good thing to remember.

Ex girlfriend dumped me, going crazy inside still, tips to cope

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