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Ex girlfriend dumped me, going crazy inside still, tips to cope
Id like to say hello to everyone on this here site, 1st timer on here, read some stuff on it and decided to turn to it since i feel my buddies will just make fun of me and dont really want to talk to the parents about this kind of stuff.
My ex girlfriend who recently dumped me over a month ago, who i lived with for almost a year has got me going crazy inside. I have lost almost 20 pounds and cannot focus on anything. Nothing is the same to me. For some reason i let her stay the night with me when she comes home from the bars with her friends by the way who are mostly all guys and maybe a few girls. I keep thinking we will get back together, she says she doesnt want anything now, but down the road we can try again. But do i wait for her? What do i do? She has flaws that i dont really want to deal with anymore but she claims she will work on them but shows no signs of improving, and i am bending over backwards for her meeting her every needs right now and we arent even dating. Even at the end of our relationship the texting was getting so bad we fought constantly over it on why all these guys would be texting so late and when we were trying to have alone time if she could just put the phone down for once or on silent. But Now Everyone i know says cut the ties but its so hard to imagine doing that since i was with her for so long and invested so much with her. She has a ton of guy friends which is fine with me, but too sit and text them for hrs on end in front of me and have them text in the middle of the night is crazy. I know she hasnt done anything with anyone since shes stayed with me since we have split and moved out, which is weird that she is staying at my place at night i am just sittin at home waiting til 2am til she comes home from goin out, having fun with her friends, while i do nothing. thats not what i wanna be doing but i have no ambition to do anything. i get jealous when i see her textin/postin all these guys walls because everything they send back to her is sexual. i told her to put herself in my situation, i dont know what i can do? I try and give her space but its so hard to not to call her or text her and to take my mind off her. Im always wondering what shes doing, I hope that doesnt make me sound crazy!!!! Im lost. And gas is too expensive to drive around and clear your head like the good old days
Just any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
I am so sorry you are hurting so badly over this girl. From what you say, it sounds as if she is using you. Listen to your friends. They may know more than they are sharing with you, hoping to spare your feelings since you still put some trust in this girl.
Give her space............as much space as you can put between yourself and her.....no more texting, no talking on the phone, do not let her stay at your place. Tell her goodbye. Let that be the end of it.
Until you become proactive for your self, you will be miserable and waiting. There are too many decent, caring people out there just waiting for a trusting, caring person, such as yourself.
I don't say any of this to be short with you or unfeeling. We have all been there in one way or another in our lives. You will receive a lot of good advice on this thread. Read it all, take in as much as you can, you will know the right thing for you to do. Choose well, you have much happiness waiting out there but as I read your situation, the happiness is not going to happen with this girl.
She has moved on and you need to make your decision to move on. It doesn't matter who made the first decision to move on, it only matters what decision for your life you make now. She will want to hang on for awhile because she feels secure with you still caring so deeply for her. I don't mean to imply when you make the choice to move on, that the pain will go away quickly. But when you aren't listening to her phone all the time, knowing she is getting texts or waiting on her to grace you with her presence after she has been out all night, the pain will dissipate sooner than you realize.
Keep us posted on your situation and ask more questions if you feel the need. There are some amazing people with tremendous insight on this site. Just read it all as I suggested then choose well. Best to you!
Hi Theratt,
Sorry to hear what you've been going through. It's never an easy situation to be in.
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but for your own sanity I'd advise you to cut contact with her, at least for a while. Having her around all the time is just going to upset you, especially if she's flaunting her friends at you. You need to do exactly what she's doing, and go out with friends to just relax AWAY from her.
It's very unfair of her to say "down the road we can try again". This is her attempt to leave you hanging, and whether or not she intends for you to get back together this will give you hope, and potentially stop you from moving on.
I'd suggest that you stop letting her stay at your place. Tell her that if she's no longer with you, she's lost the privileges of being looked after.
You need time and space, relaxation, and distraction.
FINISH IT! Don't talk to her or see her, ever. There are MANY MANY more caring people out there, and she obviously isnt one of them. Sorry to say it, but no contact is theway forward on this one.
If you've read the four stickies at the beginning of the Relationships section, you might still want to read them again.
Get up and work on your self-respect. You are being used. Dose that feel good??? NOPE!
We know how much this hurts. We know what you are going through and I suggest that you do the full No Contact.
Change the locks on the door, don't wait up for her and change your phone number. Then, rearrange the furniture and trash all evidence of her. Get new decor for the bathroom, bedroom and anywhere else you spent a lot of time in.
She can go and camp out with her new friends and leave you alone to collect yourself and reflect how good life can be. Remember the goals you set yourself before you met and start over.
Never ever put anyone else in the center of your universe! You are the one that should count in your life, then others can share it with you but only if they have the same values and morals as yourself.
It's a bumpy road back to self-awareness but we will be here to help you. So, now, get to work!
Things will never be the same, we grow and learn from the good and the bad. That's just the way life is so please accept it and move on.
Why are you letting yourself be used in this way, when all you have to do is make her dissapear from your life, and rebuild your own. You really need to stand up for yourself, and love yourself a lot more, because she has proven she doesn't, and stop falling for any line she feeds you, knowing its all BS! Stop all contact, and take your life back.
ive been workin on gettin outdoors as of the last few days and clearin my head. i recently decided to turn my phone off when i do things so i dont stare at it all day and try and call or text her, i think its a start? - the RATT
I'm proud of you for making a start toward a better place in your life.
Sometimes, it is just a step at a time and you have made the first one.
Consider this: If she is still coming to your house, this step you are taking will diminish but and you will step backward.
Each of us have to make our own choices and our journeys. The advice you have received here has been good solid advice for your good but sometimes it takes us getting hurt over and over to finally make that decision that has to be made.....which is....make the break and don't look back.
But for now, I commend you on taking the first step and we will be here to encourage you along the way even if you just need to vent. Hindsight is 20/20 as they say and some of us have that to share with you. Hang in there and just keep working toward what will give you peace and give you joy in your life. What you are experiencing right now is torture.
today i heard a quote from a good friend. Don't make someone a prioriety when you're just an option.
it made me think of my situation and made me sit back and think about things. this quote is so true, i dont know if its been brought up on this site before, maybe its been said tons of times but its so simple but so so powerful and straight to the point. i wrote it on a sticky note and hung it up in my room.
- out the ratt
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