My ex girlfriend Michelle broke up with me mid june and have been broken up for about 4 months now. During our breakup i have been seeing someone else but all i think about is Michelle. Michelle and i agreed and continued to be best friends. We talked almost everyday and hangout when we could. About 2 weeks ago Michelle met her new boyfriend and a few days after the girl i was seeing broke up with me. I love Michelle and miss her so much and she know this i believe but im trying not to show it. I tell her im happy for her and her new boyfriend. But as of lately Michelle has barely noticed me and she doesnt seem to interact wit me. I do see her everyday and shell say the occasional hello. Other than that she does glance at me to see me smiling and having a good time but i dont know if that means something or not. Anyways our friendship seems like she doesnt want to be in my life or whatever... im not sure. She did ask me to go to the Celtics game with her but she asked before she met her new boyfriend. i dont know what to do. She means so much to me.
P.s don't tell someone to just simply "move on" as if it's like drinking water...(not as easy as you make it seem)
or "get over it"
itsamor, I think you and Charger both need to hear this. I never tell someone to 'move on' as though it is easy to do. There is always a part of me that wishes I could I find a way to tell the person, 'it will all work out.' However, I have to be realistic when I give advice to someone whether it is on-line or in my living room. It would be unethical of me to give false hope when the person asking for advice says that his ex is ignoring him.
In my second post on this thread, I mentioned No Contact. If Charger had been open to discussing ways of going forward, I would be more than willing to sit here and give him as much support as I can. I still am. However, he has to want to hear the truth before he can even think about the methods for letting her go.
Bottom line is that he can't find the person who really cares about him and shows it until he walks away from Michelle and her games. No magic wands. No easy answers. LOTS of pain and hurt. A lot of baggage to destroy before trying to find a new girlfriend.
okay I understand I was being rude and I just want to say I'm sorry. it was wrong of me and thank you for the advice. dispite the fact that I love this girl, all I really wanted was to get my best friend back. sorry if I seem rude here but I wasn't going to go for the "no contact" advice. but now I have her falling for me again and she's been ignoring her bf. why she hasn't broken up with him yet is strange to me. I belive she's still confused about it all and a sudden change in feelings idk. anyways if she won't leave him for me or keeps playing me for a fool then yes, the no contact will come into play.
Maybe you're confused about why we suggest no contact. Here's the breakdown:
1) She ALREADY KNOWS that you still love her.
2) She has a NEW BOYFRIEND.
3) Continuously talking to her gives you FALSE HOPE and makes you OVER-ANALYZE all her actions.
This is very unhealthy for you. If you want to continue to suffer, no one is going to stop. You can talk to her as much as you want. You can continue over-analyzing all the details and fall for the demon of false hope.
But if you decide one day that you want to stop torturing yourself. Then we suggest that you go with no contact.
No contact is a tool to help you recover from the break up. No one is forcing you to use this tool. Some people don't even use it to get over their ex. But you should know that no contact is always available and very effective in helping you heal.
Once you've healed properly, you will be more objective about the situation and will be in a better position to approach the situation.
If you were meant to be friends, a period of no contact isn't going to stop you from being friends. But at least after no contact, you will be in a better position to build a friendship because all the emotional dust will have settled down.
Apologies if we were sarcastic or off putting in return. Bottom line is we'd all like to save you from torturing yourself. At this point, I think you know what kind of answers you're going to receive on this site. It's because we've all been there, done that or seen similar scenarios play out with other people. Of course there are no hard and fast rules to how relationships can go (much as it often sounds like it here). The only things I can say for certain is that it's very difficult to act level heading when you're in the thick of it, and that most happy relationships don't seem to have these kind of back and forth elements. That's not to say there aren't plenty of long lasting relationships that do have them, because there are, but I don't know that I'd describe them as healthy. It becomes a question of whether you want that in your life.
What you may not be getting is that regardless of whether either of you consciously knows it, by being with her in whatever form at this point you are tacitly telling each other that this arrangement is okay and can continue.
I wish summed it up. No Contact lets all that stuff clouding your judgment settle, and then you're able to see and act more clearly. It will not be easy. Doing the right thing rarely is.
just for the record shhe doesnt know that i love her. if anything she can only assume that i do.
and just one more question. Michelle says that things have been going good with her bf yet she has been ignoring him for the most part. what does this mean since i know her and i having been together most of the time?
Did you ever consider this is your part of the cycle? What I mean is a few weeks back he got all of her attention and you were left out... now your getting the attention and he's left out. There just never seems to be a definate move one way or the other. Some like to say, "Having their cake and eating it too."
just for the record shhe doesnt know that i love her. if anything she can only assume that i do.
and just one more question. Michelle says that things have been going good with her bf yet she has been ignoring him for the most part. what does this mean since i know her and i having been together most of the time?
It means that she was bored with him and wanted to mess with someone else's emotions. If you want to get hurt then play into her games, if you don't want to get hurt then start No Contact and move on.
Everyone here is giving you great advice, PROVEN SUCCESSFUL advice. You choose to ignore it, so what happens you asked for.
If you keep wanting to suffer, then we're not going to stop you.
If you want to continue to over-analyze everything, we're not going to stop you.
If you want to fall for the demon of false hope, then we're not going to stop you.
If you want to continue to grieve, we're not going to stop you.
If you still think that you have a chance, then keep putting your life on hold and wait for her to come around.
But if you want to open up your eyes and realize that:
1) If she still cared about you, then she wouldn't be with a new guy.
2) If she stil cared about you, she wouldn't mess around with your mind. Especially after a 3 year relationship, you must have had a good communication system, you wouldn't have to guess so much.
3) If she cared about you, she wouldn't risk loosing you by making you to put your life on hold.
4) You've become her backup plan, because while she's experimenting with this other guy, she knows that you're her safety net in case it fails.
5) If you want to begin healing, start with no contact.
Remember, you're not forced to do anything. It's your CHOICE.
Charger, do you know the difference between loving some one and being in love with someone?
I never said she knew. I wrote I belive that she know. and please what is the difference between loving and in love with someone since its a matter of opinion.
Linear Mode
