This is my first time using this site, but I am impressed with the thoughtfulness of the answers, so I hope someone can help me out.

I am a 27 year old female and until recently I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship with a 36 year-old man. We met at work and right off the bat, it was pretty intense. He was convinced I was "the one" I think almost right away. Obviously, the 9 year age difference was a bigger problem for me than for him, because I had very little relationship experience. I really wanted a chance to date other guys, but we clicked and so I repressed it for a long time. Then about a year and a half into the relationship, my boyfriend announced he wanted to move to California. He did the whole "I want you to go, but if you don't I understand." That threw me off and I guess I never let go of it. Of course, from that point on I had another issue with the relationship on top of the age and dating thing. We moved to California and then moved again to Colorado a year later because he is an outdoors guy but California was too expensive. So anyway, I am struggling with the whole moving/starting over part more than him. I get real homesick and depressed, so I tell him I want to take a break. The first time I took a break was 6 months ago, but it was only for a couple weeks. Then I moved back despite feeling unresolved about the relationship. From there of course it got worse and I started to nag him a lot and complain when he tried to do anything to make me happy. Nothing was good enough. He wasn't good enough. I was just in a bad place.

Anyway, 3 months ago my boyfriend started acting distant. I knew something was terribly wrong and I got even nastier because I was insecure. Then 2 months ago he said he wanted to break up -- I pushed him to say it because I couldn't leave it alone. I wasn't trying to get along, so what else could I expect, I guess. So I moved out of Denver and back home and now I am living with my parents. Every day I think about how much I love him and miss him. Of course there were issues, but I wasn't ready to commit b/c of doubts I guess. Now I miss Denver, I miss California even. I don't know why I thought home was so great. Everything reminds me of him. I would be so much more appreciative now than before, but he wants a year apart and to see other people. He said I need a year to figure out who I really am and he hopes I fall in love with another guy so that I learn because the learning stopped with us. Is he just playing me? Or is he trying to test me and see how much I grow? Does he just need time to think? Or is this over and he just doesn't want to fess up? HELP! I wanted to talk to him face to face but he said to move on and he doesn't want to see me. But after he said that he still replied to one of my emails that he was proud I was making changes out here and he would write "when he can". Almost 4 years of my life tied into this man and this is breaking my heart. Please, help unravel the mystery here. He says he is too hurt to talk to me right now. What should I do?

madaman

From the sounds of it, the only thing you CAN do right now is to focus on yourself. From his perspective I understand the situation. He knows that you dont have alot of experience in the relationship world, and is worried that this would come out later in life. Its unfortunate but it is happening. If you think about getting back together with him constantly though nothing will happen on either end of your life. He of course will be nice to you and probably reply to your emails, but that doesnt neccesarily mean he wants to resume the relationship.

There really isnt much mystery here, you have told him how you have felt. He may have been hurt by the break and not want it to happen again.

Jiser

Next time somebody asks me for a break, Its over for good. Unless its a real, real good mutual reason.

If you can't work through problems together then that sux big time.

Time to work on you and go NC.