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Ex girlfriend of 4 years now married.still not over her

Asked Aug 31, 2007, 10:03 PM — 154 Answers
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I recently discovered my ex girlfriend of 4 years in college/grad school is now married. I had always wanted to call her and reconnect but never did as I was the one that ended the relationship. I always thought she'd be available and I'd be able to win her back. It's been 5 years since we broke up. I have dated other girls and still she's always on my mind. She was everything I wanted and I blew it. She was smart, cute, and funny and had a great family. In short, I am convinced she was "The One" for me and I let her get away. Now, I have found her number and feel I have to call her in hopes of salvaging a "friendship" out of a relationship I ruined. Too many things have not been said that should've. Maybe I can't change the fact that she's married but I feel I have to let her know how I'm feeling and have felt.

Thoughts?

How long until song/pictures, etc. Don't bring up vivid memories of us together. So painful, so sad, so full of regret.

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154 Answers
none12345's Avatar
none12345 Posts: 1,390, Reputation: 1124
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#111

Aug 9, 2009, 01:47 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicago95 View Post
Great Q. Finally! She doesn't want to be the one to initiate the divorce. And her husband doesn't believe in divorce. So, might he change his beliefs if he really knew what was going on?
Dude.... Do you see something wrong here? They will never get a divorce if this is the situation. You could be waiting forever. All those fairytales in the movies like the notebook or whatever that preaches that one who loves another so much and would wait forever and in the end if they become your's its all worth it, is BS. That's what I believed at first but what if they never come around. You throw away your life. There's only one shot at life so don't waste it man.
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none12345's Avatar
none12345 Posts: 1,390, Reputation: 1124
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#112

Aug 9, 2009, 01:50 PM
So the question is, are you going to continue pursuing a woman that is married and not your's and hope for the best?

Or are you going to move on and find a new girl and don't hope for the best because you have the best and she is all yours?

Those are pretty much the 2 choices you can make. I say the 2nd one.
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chicago95's Avatar
chicago95 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
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#113

Aug 9, 2009, 02:01 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma View Post
Just because there are signs (to you) of her moving away from him doesn't mean that she is moving towards you. She's married, this isn't your business in the first place.

How do you know this is the only time this has happened? Cause she says so? She also says she wants to leave her husband, has she? She always says she wants to be with just you, is she? NO. Get the hint. She is throwing it at you and we are spelling it out for you. You just don't get it.


Maybe marriage counseling has failed twice because there are more than two people in this marriage.
Yes she says so. And I trust her word...just got to "trust me on that." And both marriage counseling sessions were init. By her and she had to drag him. So what does that say? Secondly, when that counselor told her in order for her marr. To have a chance I'd have to leave. She asked if I'd give her that. I did and after 1 week she collapsed and realized having me out of her life was not an option she was willing to accept. So here I am. I will wait for her because I don't want to put myself in a similar situation. I'd always be comparing and make another girls life miserable.
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ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,412, Reputation: 3154
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#114

Aug 9, 2009, 02:06 PM
You trust her word? She's a married woman dating you, obviously she isn't the most honest person.

The fact that she had to drag him to marriage counseling says, "Guys don't want to admit what they have isn't perfect, nor do they want someone else making that jusgement. Especially if that person went to school on the matter and is right."

Again, I say she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's a selfish person.

She wants to keep her husband around because he offers her things that you don't and vice versa.
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none12345's Avatar
none12345 Posts: 1,390, Reputation: 1124
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#115

Aug 9, 2009, 02:09 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by chicago95 View Post
Yes she says so. And I trust her word...just got to "trust me on that." And both marriage counseling sessions were init. By her and she had to drag him. So what does that say? Secondly, when that counselor told her in order for her marr. To have a chance I'd have to leave. She asked if I'd give her that. I did and after 1 week she collapsed and realized having me out of her life was not an option she was willing to accept. So here I am. I will wait for her because I don't want to put myself in a similar situation. I'd always be comparing and make another girls life miserable.
If that is your decision, it is your life and we won't tell you what to do but we've gave our advice, whether or not you take it, its your decision.

Theres nothing more we can do here. And quite frankly to answer your question about my love triangle, it lasted for about a year. I was the guy originally with the girl. She fell for someone else and left me but I was holding on tightly but then I decided to let her go and be happy and in my heart I know I was the one that loved her the most and she threw that away for some other guy.

So I do not sympathize with you trying to take another guy's girl away. I've been there and I know how it feels. There will be tons of drama awaiting you in the future. Be prepared.
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ChihuahuaMomma's Avatar
ChihuahuaMomma Posts: 7,412, Reputation: 3154
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#116

Aug 9, 2009, 02:10 PM
I give up. Obviously no one here is going to convince you what you are doing is SO wrong. But when you come back heart broken cause she decided to work it out with her husband and let go of your leash, expect a whole bunch of "I told you so's".

Good day.
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,310, Reputation: 50341
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#117

Aug 9, 2009, 02:12 PM


When are you going to think for yourself, and realize your the dude on the side, and she feeds you the same lines every cheating husband feeds their mistresses?

You have presented no facts whatsoever to the contrary. More over all this for a liar, and a cheater. Even if you leave she can find another toy to play with, so what kind of future would you have with her?
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sully123's Avatar
sully123 Posts: 567, Reputation: 743
Senior Member
  
#118

Aug 9, 2009, 03:05 PM
I guarantee if you would do the right thing and step away and let her marriage work, without NC she will go on with her life. Can you be a man and do this ? Your like fixed or obessed with this girl, its actually scary. Downright controlling...........
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chicago95's Avatar
chicago95 Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
Junior Member
  
#119

Aug 9, 2009, 03:10 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma View Post
You trust her word? She's a married woman dating you, obviously she isn't the most honest person.

The fact that she had to drag him to marriage counseling says, "Guys don't want to admit what they have isn't perfect, nor do they want someone else making that jusgement. Especially if that person went to school on the matter and is right."

Again, I say she wants to have her cake and eat it too. She's a selfish person.

She wants to keep her husband around because he offers her things that you don't and vice versa.
I fully trust her word. And true her husband offers her things I don't. But it seems I offer far more than him as her main crutch to staying with him is that "he's not all bad". But she says she loves me so maybe I need to take that last leap of faith and trust in God that he will show her the way toward me as I wait in the wilderness.
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sully123's Avatar
sully123 Posts: 567, Reputation: 743
Senior Member
  
#120

Aug 9, 2009, 03:19 PM
Sorry but God isn't going to bring you together with all the faith and trust you have in him. She is committing adultery, and your destroying her marriage. Bottom line, your the reason her marriage isn't working. It won't sit with God.
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