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Hey, I'm new to this site and I know my problem is nothing compared to the other ones but this site seems so helpful and understanding. And I definetly need help.
I've been with this girl for 2 months (I know it's nothing but it's something to me) and she means a great deal to me. I've been with plenty of girls but I've never been so lifeless, empty and lonely. I was never the good b/f. I'm insecure and over protective cause its my first opening up, usually I hide away so I wont get hurt but this time I gave in all. I don't throw the word 'love' around but I love this girl. When I'm with her, I feel like I'm on top of the world. Anyways, I noticed she acted distant with me the last couple of weeks and I pointed it out to her and she said I was just thinking things again. We got into an arguement and I broke it off with her, she came to my house around 2 am crying. I took her back in my arms and next night, we broke off again cause of my actions. I accepted it, thinking I could do it without her cause I've done it heaps of times before with the other girls but I couldnt. I wanted her back and did many things to win her back. I bought her gifts, went to her work, gave it to her and stayed right in front of her work in my car for 1 and half hours, pulling faces and writing 'I love you" on the car window fog. She was fine, she giggled and smiled the whole time. But she's told me she needs space, and wants to focus on studying cause its her last year. I didn't accept that cause I thought she was seeing someone new. Anyways, she hasn't. I just want her back but I can't. She's made up her mind. She still says she loves and misses me, I know she does. Its genuine when she says it to me but I'm confused and don't know what to do. Should I wait for her or just move on? She said she'll be free around December but she doesn't know if we can give it another try. She says time will tell. Which is understanding at times but sometimes I just want to get away from her. We went to the movies today. We kissed, cuddled and held hands. When I went away from her, instead of sitting close to her in the movies, she asked if I was okay and why I was so far from her? What does this mean? I'm so lost and don't know what to do. I test her by talking about these other girls who likes me but she just says go date them. I dont know if its out of jealousy or she wants me to move on. I asked her if she was happy and she said she wasnt when we was in the relatonship but now she is. She also says she misses how we used to be, when we first started dating and she does miss how we hanged out. Sorry if I keep repeating stuff. I just can't think straight. Someone help. I'll appreciate it. Should I wait or go? Shes worth it I know but I'm afraid of the outcome, I suppose.
It's always ugly. I don't want to paint them as a villain because they don't realize how much it hurts. Then when you reject their advances, they write you off as the jerk. The only ex boyfriends girls remember fondly are the ones who literally are always there for them, but they hardly date them again (except when rebounding). "That Harry is a great guy (but I don't really respect him)".
Each relationship that ends is an individual thing. Every person and couple are different. NC may work just fine for some and not for others. I think its your choice and what works for you. If you hear NC on here over and over, its just our opinions. Only you know in your heart what will work and what you need.
Sounds as if you want confirmation that remaining friends is a good idea.
Firstly, your not just interested in being friends, your interested in being "friends" so that you can get her back.
Secondly, even if you could get her back using this strategy it probably has a 10% chance of sucess, not great odds. Also consider that if you do not get her back how much worse you'll be off.
I say this because I wrote a similar thread years ago on this site questioning why members just throw out NC all the time regardless of the circumstances. I did not listen, I was not sucessful, it still bothers me years later. The advice here is some of the finest you'll ever get and I like many others are appreciative of that fact.
Think it through and govern yourself the way you think best.
Each relationship that ends is an individual thing. Every person and couple are different. NC may work just fine for some and not for others. I think its your choice and what works for you. If you hear NC on here over and over, its just our opinions. Only you know in your heart what will work and what you need.
Actually I disagree with this kind of speech. Yes we are all different (mostly in small ways), but human needs are universal. When we end a relationship we always tend to think no one could understand because it was so different. While it may be true that your relationship was unique in certain ways, your basic universal human needs are what brought you into the relationship, therefore heartbreak is a universal feeling. How we cope can be more varied, but the healthiest way to move on from a relationship is to let it go. Hard to let go when you are begging for your ex's leftovers.
I wish people would stop doing NC and running away...
Your not running away. Your accepting reality and dealing with the most important issue there is, YOURSELF, AND HOW YOU COPE WITH YOUR FEELINGS OF LOSS.
The break up is no longer and issue once it happens, the feelings that the break up causes are. They hurt, and affect our thinking, attitude, behavior, in some very profound ways.
Thats what No Contact is about, healing, and coping so you can make good decisions for yourself based on facts, and not just emotions.
But I understand what your saying very well, mainly because everyone who has posted here, has said the same thing.
Read their personal stories if you don't believe me.
I predict, you will eventually heal, and be stronger, and wiser, and healthier, just as they have. If you take a few suggestions...............................!!!!
Actually I disagree with this kind of speech. Yes we are all different (mostly in small ways), but human needs are universal. When we end a relationship we always tend to think no one could understand because it was so different. While it may be true that your relationship was unique in certain ways, your basic universal human needs are what brought you into the relationship, therefore heartbreak is a universal feeling. How we cope can be more varied, but the healthiest way to move on from a relationship is to let it go. Hard to let go when you are begging for your ex's leftovers.
I see where your coming from and have no arguement. I guess for me sometimes I sit back and see both sides and think only the individuals know whats best. I always try to have an open mind and have wondered why the NC is always pushed in these threads. Oh I do understand it. Trust me. Been there myself. I know I sound wishy washy on it. Maybe I am.
Of course you are wish washy, no contact starts out as a short term fix and usually becomes permanent. When someone dumps you and you want the relationship to work out, NC is the last thing you want to do. That's why it's a beautiful thing. It's empowering yourself. The ex is no longer in control of your future. Now the ex feels abandoned and out of control. All of your actions appear independent of your ex's wants and needs. You are moving on physically to move on emotionally. When you can do it without rebounding as well, you are proving you have the strength to persevere through heartbreak's despair and emptiness without your ex. They can't do that even though they dumped you (hence friendship). The biggest fear dumpees have about NC is truly losing the person you love, but you lost them when they dumped you. You have to let them lose you too for your own pride and sanity. It's not a punishment to the ex, it's giving them what they asked for on your terms. Maybe, just maybe next time they will think long and hard before they break up with someone.
Most importantly, you are freeing yourself from someone you loved and when you are ready, you will be available to love someone just as deeply again. Vs. those who stay friends with all their exes (options) and never give their heart to someone completely. Remember, YOU felt those emotions, they are yours, not your ex's. You can feel them again with someone else, but next time you will be a little wiser.
Sorry, last thing (I'm on a roll). Getting dumped sucks because you were not preparing yourself and keeping your options open. I know people who keep options in their pocket until they get married, although I disagree with this because those options are so tempting when your relationship hits the skids (as all do at times). Just remember how many people you "could have" connected with while you were taken. You didn't reject them because they weren't a better option. You rejected them because you have dignity and integrity. You are a trustworthy person and until your relationship is officially over, you are not looking.
Ride out the feelings of desperation alone and when you are yourself again, more options will present themselves naturally (as they did when you were in a relationship). Let the bed hopping exes continue their pathetic unfulfilling lifestyle without your help. Chances are if they left you for someone else, they will continue doing so. Or at least they are under suspicion.
BTW, if you are dumped by a person because they just don't see it working and then stay single for a time, then at least you have the comfort of knowing they gave it all they could and didn't betray you.
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