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So, My ex and I broke up about 2 years ago from about a 2 and a half year relationship. Well of course stupid me decided to try to stay friends with her. she is my best friend in the whole world, and also i am deeply in love with her still. she also tells me that I am her best friend and that she never wants to lose me, anyway from the time we broke up to about a few months ago we were still having sex, bad thing i know. anyway i guess i have been just hoping that things would change over time, and that she would want me back over time. I am so hurt today, anyway this guy she meet the other day at a bar. i guess hes friends with one of my ex's friends. so yeah the other day this guy called my ex's friend to ask for her #, i guess he called her the day before Christmas eve. so on Christmas eve we were hanging out the ex and I and she told me that he called her and asked her to hang out today and go to the show. I am so hurt right now it was truly a reality check. so yeah we talked about it last night and I guess she has no feelings for this guy yet and is going into it with a open head. she told me that he might be a guy and might not be a guy that she can date, she just really doesnt know him and wants to see. i just dont know what to do, i am so sad right now and heart broken. I just feel like im going to lose my best friend and the person I love so much. i think when i hear from her tonight, that if she thinks that she might have feelings for her im just going to end our whole relationship, i know it has to be done. I was hoping so much that i would fiend someone before her to get over her, so that we could stay friends. i just feel like she is my everything and that im losing it all.
I agree with Zeenie, your emotions are all over. She wants to be friends, but right now that is hard for you. I honestly, don't think its a good idea, to go for drinks this weekend. You love her and she just wants to remain friends. Your not comfortable with her dating other people, and the more you stay involved you will never heal, and won't be able to move on. You will stay stuck. I had a relationshp with someone for a couple of years, we ended like a 1 1/2 ago. We are friends now, and enjoy each other's company, but that is it. We are both at a point now, we have no problem dating other people, either one of us our jealous. I think right now you need to cut all contact out, and heal.
I think being friends in such a situation- will probably kill you!
I could not be friends with my ex- after what he did, even thou i miss the person he was like anything. BUt the truth is - he has changed and i dont see why i have to lower my standards from someone who i loved to friendship- thats like me dropping my standards by many levels.
Friendship works two ways- i am sure you would have all the good intentions of being a good friend- the question is will she? And even if she does - IT will be NOT be the level of friendship you had when you were together.
Bottom line is- friendship at this point will not give you what you want and you will get hurt and basically never heal. That would be a waste of life.
Best to find a way to walk away and work on your life and you step by step.
I think being friends in such a situation- will probably kill you!
I could not be friends with my ex- after what he did, even thou i miss the person he was like anything. BUt the truth is - he has changed and i dont see why i have to lower my standards from someone who i loved to friendship- thats like me dropping my standards by many levels.
Friendship works two ways- i am sure you would have all the good intentions of being a good friend- the question is will she? And even if she does - IT will be NOT be the level of friendship you had when you were together.
Bottom line is- friendship at this point will not give you what you want and you will get hurt and basically never heal. That would be a waste of life.
Best to find a way to walk away and work on your life and you step by step.
I agree she does seem a lot different now, when i talked to her the other day she didnt seem the way i used to know her. I really have been question sense i got off the phone with her if our friendship is even the same anymore. she really doest seem like she cares about me to much anymore. I dont seem in the loop witht hings anymore at all, i mean its only been like i week sense i stoped talking to her when i called her, and it seems like she already moved on and was cool about it.
Read my post and see what happens if you continue down this route.
Only way to move on is to cut contact completely. Let her live her life - without you in it and you live yours.
Until you are comfortable with the situation you will not be able to move on and let go. You still love her deeply and she doesnt, you both arent on the same page and nothing you do will be able to change that
Sorry to put it so bluntly but this is the advice I wish I got when I was in your situation contemplating cutting off but not doing it just to hold on to her and be in her life.
Point is, right now, you will only be in her life as much as she wants you to be. If she gets a boyfriend it will be that person who she talks to about everything - you will be even more hurt.
I found the same thing with my ex- just like a click of a second he changed into another person- the way he talked, the lack of respect and oh lets not forget the 'ego'. As he was so in love etc- everything seemed so cool and fine-- he did not even realised what he did was wrong- in fact i dont think he realised he did do anything wrong. He said he was fine with everything and wanted to be friends- he could not see what state he place me in, how he left all his responsiblities here etc and so on.
I was really shocked- and just like that i fell out of love- as he is a different person in the same body ( and even that did not look so hot anymore).
Not worth wasting time on someone who is so narrow-minded like that.
exact same thing with my ex; she completely changed and acted like nothing she did was wrong when in actual fact she left me for another guy - not sure she even realises now.
But to be honest only 7 days in NC - hurts like hell but I know I am better off and I know I dont want someone who changes as soon as something better pops up or due to loss of interest.
A relationship is what it is because it takes compromise, hard work and true love - saying you love someone non stop and turning around and being completely different a week later doesnt really lend to the true love, hard work and compromise aspects which are needed to make a STRONG relationship work
Well i am no expert and i can only speak from my recent experience- give it 6 months or so. Many of my friends told me- just watch Zeeniee- and i just laughed and said no- i think he is totally in love etc...
Question: did you find out or did she tell you/
I still dont think my ex as realised he has done wrong- the only thing he has acknowledged is that i am the one-- its a f*** joke if you ask me and i get really upset as he has no idea how to treasure good things that came his way in his life.
DJ, it's time to be a man about it - No more becoming weak and falling into the mud - you have to resist calling her!
I know it's hard man, I know - I've been there, so has everyone who's posting here, but we've all gotten through it, and now it's your turn. You said you're going for NC, now stay true to your word and to yourself. You know deep down, that in the end it will pay off.
Your ex-girl friend is being a b*tch about the whole situation right now and doesn't give a damn about you - you should do the same thing to her just out of pride ; keep your self respect buddy!
Stop crawling back to her and kissing her a$$ like a dog - she doesn't want you, so get up on your feet and be a man about it, and forget that soppy cow. You deserve more!
Hope you understand what I'm telling you ; I'm sure a lot of people here will agree on what I just said.
The thing about NC- is when you feel you want to call it is because you miss them, the good times etc-- instead think of all the crappy things they did to you-- soon you will think twice about ringing. Change your mindset is the key- i think.
thank you all for spending the time writing back on here. yeah i spent 7 days of NC and i just missed her so much i guess, i dont know it makes me feel really weak. after i talked to her though i did feel like i had a good conversation with her, but then questions started to rise as to why she said things and was acting like everything was cool. like really she didnt seem herself almost like she really didnt know me anymore and i was just some person she just met. kinda hurts now that i have been thinking about it. she did ask if i wanted to go out for drinks once this weekend, i might but just to say bye to her i know i need to end it and im going to. I dont knwo i more jsut want to spend that time if we go out remembering the old times and going out with a clear head. i dont want to leave her being mad at her or wondering what her deal was i guess, i dotn know thats just me. this going out could be a total disaster but i guess im willing to take the chance.
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