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Ex, and getting her back

Asked May 26, 2009, 06:33 PM — 72 Answers
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Hey everyone, this might be long, but its also very complicated, and it is one of the most important things that has happened in my life thus far.

I've been in 4 previous relationships, but the one that just ended was definitely the hardest. We are both 20 and just ended our Junior year of college. We had been good friends all through freshman year, and then started dating the summer before sophomore year. Everything was great for a year, we truly loved and cared for each other, and then I went to Prague for a 4 month study abroad program. We both waited for each other for those 4 months. When I got back we were still so in love with each other. I've heard from her friends that she was always counting down the days until I got back, and cried a lot.

She had also gotten into a term abroad for Germany for this Spring but did not go, and I know that her feeling she would miss me too much was part of the reason. I'm not sure why, but I got really stressed in the winter and had the most schoolwork I've ever had. Somedays we would only see each other when we slept over at each others rooms. I didn't really mean to but I ignored her more than I should have because I was juggling so much stuff. I did stupid things like invite her over my room, and then play videogames with my friends. I only did this like 4 times. It kept piling up however. She told me that she was getting frustrated that I wasn't making enough time for her. In the early spring I went to see her crew race and saw her race, but then left before she got back off the water. She was really offended that I didn't stay the whole time.

Finally the thing that put it over the edge was one weekend night where I drank too much alcohol and got blacked out. I acted very mean, and embarrassed her in front of all her friends. When she asked me to go back to my room and sleep alone I got offended and was banging on her window asking me to let me in. Now my intent wasn't to harm her, I just wanted her to let me in. I ended up banging so hard in my drunk state and breaking her window. After this I left, and the next day she told me we were done. This all happened a little over a month ago. More details about what's happened since then are in the next post if you care to read. Sorry for the length, but this whole thing is very complicated.

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72 Answers
master88's Avatar
master88 Posts: 36, Reputation: 1
Junior Member
  
#51

Jul 7, 2009, 11:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
She doesn't want you back, now what?
Yea its just so annoying when women play these games with Men. Like if she really didn't give a crap about me she shouldn't have called me 2 weeks ago, and wouldn't have said that she wants to hang out when we go back to school. I'm meeting up with a good friend soon, who is a great friend of hers as well. Guess I'll try to squeeze some info out of her. Many have said that most girls will just want to add drama to the fire, but this particular friend doesn't. We've known each other for a very long time. She's told me many things about other girls before because we are such great friends. If my ex has no intentions with me anymore, this friend will tell me it bluntly and to find other girls.

Also can anyone give me some advice about approaching women. I am so bad at it and I'm really not sure why. I would say I'm a fairly good looking guy but I just have this fear of rejection which cripples me from approaching women even when I see them eyeing me. Like the past week I was at a very casual bar and a really cute nice looking girl came up to me and said, "Hey, would you mind getting the bartenders attention for me." Like an idiot I didn't strike up a conversation with her, and all night I caught her looking at me. I just need some confidence boosters.
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talaniman's Avatar
talaniman Posts: 44,351, Reputation: 50366
Senior Family & People Expert
  
#52

Jul 7, 2009, 11:44 AM


What, you can't make up your own mind and make your own decision? You need another female to be told what you should be doing for yourself?

Look in the mirror, and read this to yourself.
Quote:
Guess I'll try to squeeze some info out of her. Many have said that most girls will just want to add drama to the fire, but this particular friend doesn't. We've known each other for a very long time. She's told me many things about other girls before because we are such great friends. If my ex has no intentions with me anymore, this friend will tell me it bluntly and to find other girls.
Make you feel like a child talking to mommy? It should.
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master88's Avatar
master88 Posts: 36, Reputation: 1
Junior Member
  
#53

Jul 7, 2009, 11:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
What, you can't make up your own mind and make your own decision? You need another female to be told what you should be doing for yourself?

Look in the mirror, and read this to yourself.

Make you feel like a child talking to mommy? It should.
Good point
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master88's Avatar
master88 Posts: 36, Reputation: 1
Junior Member
  
#54

Jul 8, 2009, 01:28 PM
Guys, I'm really melting right now. I was doing so good, but the fact that she hasn't called since 2.5 weeks I guess is really killing me. I had a dream last night with her in it. That's how bad my mind is messing with me right now. I'm so tempted to pick up the phone but I'm doing my best to resist. Please help me. I'm going to go for a run right now.

It doesn't help that for some reason I'm in a terrible funk with approaching women right now. Wherever I go I can't muster up the courage to talk to women. Please give me some tips.
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kctiger's Avatar
kctiger Posts: 3,631, Reputation: 6566
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#55

Jul 8, 2009, 01:34 PM
Women should be the last thing on your mind. Don't worry about that stuff just yet. Focus on yourself. Getting in shape, making money, loving yourself, you know...the cool things in life. The rest will come.
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master88's Avatar
master88 Posts: 36, Reputation: 1
Junior Member
  
#56

Jul 15, 2009, 08:47 PM
Ex has BF, but wont tell me, whats going on?
Threads merged

We dated 2 years. Its been about 3 months since she broke up with me. She drunk dialed me once and also called me on my birthday. I found out through a comment on FB that she visited her I assume new boyfriend last weekend. She's been seeing this guy for a little bit now. I even asked her at the end of school if they were dating and she said no. I called her on her b-day just because I felt I should and was like so whatd you do the past weekends. She straight up lied to me and said last weekend she was at home not doing much. She also wants to talk for very long times and gets very interested about my life and asks me tons of questions. I always end the conversation.

Whats her deal, why is she holding out. Honestly I feel like I should just ignore her for the rest of summer, even if she calls me. All of this makes me nervous cause we go to the same school and its very small. Don't want dramatic crap happening next year.

Whats going on with her, and what the hell do I do in this situation?
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jjwoodhull's Avatar
jjwoodhull Posts: 1,378, Reputation: 1210
Ultra Member
  
#57

Jul 15, 2009, 08:50 PM
It sounds like she has a new boyfriend, but will not let go of you in case that doesn't work out. Do not allow her to treat you that way. Move on. Do not contact her this summer or respond to her if she contacts you. Hopefully this will allow you to get over her before you go back to school in the fall.
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Torrid13's Avatar
Torrid13 Posts: 637, Reputation: 744
Senior Member
  
#58

Jul 15, 2009, 09:19 PM
You shouldn't worry about her having a new boyfriend. She broke up with you, and it's up to you to put the kabosh on any contact with her for a while!

That means, you SHOULD ignore her for the rest of the summer! DON'T take her calls! And please, for the love of gravy, delete/block her from FB. FB is the downfall of breakupee's everywhere. Because we like to "check up" on people that hurt us. Why, I will never know. But it's out to steal your soul and sanity! BEWARE!

So do yourself a favor and say "LATAH SUCKA!"
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friend4u178's Avatar
friend4u178 Posts: 3,452, Reputation: 7927
Ultra Member
  
#59

Jul 15, 2009, 09:31 PM
What she does and who she does it with is no longer any of your business and by checking up on her your only inflating her ego and halting your own healing process.

She's keeping you on a rope and your allowing it by answering her calls.

Go NC and start your healing process instead of being stuck with false hope thinking you can get her back.

Not easy but this is what you need to do for YOU.

Good luck!
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jenniepepsi's Avatar
jenniepepsi Posts: 4,000, Reputation: 2736
Ultra Member
  
#60

Jul 15, 2009, 09:34 PM
She is your EX leave it at that and move on. Don't talk to her at all.
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