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I hate to say it-but I am obssessed. and I need help.
I dated this guy. we had an extraordinary relationship. He was a very different kind of guy that I have ever dated. You know, the usual SEX SEX SEX boyfriend. That was just: not him. I found myself wanting it more then he did! thats definetly different. We had a special connection to each other that neither of us has ever had with any other relationship.
anyway, lol we broke up 6 months ago. we still talk- all the time, everyday- like we are still dating. however, its very hard for me to move on. I have tried and hung out with other guys and even considered dating them but I just cant do it. My ex is all I ever think about. hanging out with other guys, or even jus talking to them would make me feel like I was cheating on my ex (even though we arent dating) and I would call him because i would feel guilty.
He would ask me why I felt that way. He's out there dating other girls and talking and flirting like its not a problem. But, almost like cheat on her by the way he was talking to me! not something I would be happy about knowing my boyfriend was talking to his ex like that when I was dating him!!... you know?
Its wierd because he doesn't care that I am so attached to him. He's totally fine with it. and its obvious he has a LOT of feelings for me as well but its easy for him to move on........ But I would really just like to lay off of him even though hes okay with me being attached. Were not together and were not going to be together again. I feel I am happier without him as a boyfriend. but my life almost NEEDS him at least as a friend. I don't know what I would do without him in my life.
I just need help on how to get over him and stop wanting to know where he is at every second. I want to let him go! I dont exactly get jealous of other girls he talks and tries to be with because I know he always comes back to me. I just dont know.
I think you MUST STOP TALKING to him. You're not allowing the REALITY of the situation to sink in. HE'S GONE. He can NO LONGER support you. It's no longer his job.
My ex and I broke 1.5 months ago. I miss her dearly. She lived with me. And now she's gone. I don't even know if she's alive or dead and vice versa. I have no idea how people can be like that, but people are.
I haven't called, emailed, or tried to contact her. We go to school together, so a couple of weeks ago, I ran into her two nights in a row. I wish we hadn't.
He only COMES BACK to you, BECAUSE YOU LET HIM. You are broken up, so that door must CLOSE.
Trust me, I know it's so hard. I miss my ex, I miss talking to her, I miss spending time with her, I miss her physically, I miss the emotions I had with her.
In some ways, what your ex is doing is SELFISH. He should LEAVE YOU ALONE . And YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME.
Forgetting is VERY HARD, but you have to take the first step. You'll FORGET SOONER THAN LATER if you have NO CONTACT.
Seriously, if it takes 5 months to forget with NO CONTACT, it may take a year WITH CONTACT. It always takes LONGER WITH CONTACT.
Of course he is happy you being so attached to him. He has you there as a fall back. he has you right where he wants you. The moment it doesnt work out with someone else he has you there. It is a win win situation for him.
Your post confuses me.
you say you are happier with him not being your boyfriend but finding it impossible to move on??? What???
You sound very confused in your post and im not even going to begin to try and understand what is going on between you two.
However the best advice i can offer is to STOP CONTACT with him.
of course you wont be able to move on if you talk to him every day.
What else do you expect??
i am just starting to let go of my obsession with my ex bf. we went out for 2 years and he dumped me 4 months ago. I am still not over him. the diff is i do not talk to him at all- i have no contact. being his friend was too hard- i cried everytime i looked at him! i cant look at a man that i was practically engaged to, who i spent every day with for 2 years and just forget all that. its way too difficult! i stayed in contact with him for like a few weeks. i read all his blogs, checked his away messages on aim, emailed him, begged him in phone calls, drove bye his house to see if he was home- u name it ive tried it. I have to admit that every once in a while i still check his blogs or away messages and if i drive by i will look out of habit. but let me tell u- it has taken me 4 months to get this far! you most likely will not be able to move on or let go by still talkin to him- i know its hard- trust me i know- i cried myself to sleep every night for the past months since it happend. its a long hard road but in time you will feel a little better and then it will get better than that. it will take time- let go of him. my ex called me and left me a message about a new girl after i begged him back! it hurt me soo bad i thought i would die of a broken heart. so i cant imagine how u r coping with knowing what hes doing with other girls. you need to end this now! it will be hard- thats why everyone is here to support u- me and skell and ilovcali have all been in similar circumstances as you and we are making it without our exs. and you will too. give up dating for a while- u need to heal. its hard but i was just like you- anytime i dated a guy i either compared him to my ex or i would cry because they werent him or i would feel like i was cheating on him even though he was gone id think what if he comes back and finds out? you just have to focus on you for now- spend time with friend, cry, vent, write and just be single for a while. i promise it will get better in time. and you will get a second chance to be happy with someone else. if u need to talk pm me and i will respond...goodluck and i know you can do it if you really want this pain to stop.
It sounds like an obsession to me too. It is very possible for people to become addicted to other people and mistake that for love. Trust me, it isn't. Like the addict who keeps using, you are postponing the breakup pain by taking whatever version of him you can get. Its desperate and needy and not at all healthy and the strange thing about it is, despite what he says and what he's doing with other girls, I'll bet he is as addicted to the ego boost you give him when you demonstrate how addicted you are to him. Its a really sick game that will blow up in someone's face. Most likely scenario is some girl he snags eventually gets wind of this and demands different terms from him or pressures him to drop you just by being someone healthier herself (he'll know who he can manipulate like this and who he can't and will likely want the one he can't sooner or later). The odds of her being is as sick and fitting right in are so against you that the end is only a matter of time. I can say more but I think this is enough for you to digest now and I didn't see much desire on your part to be truly free of this in your post, so.... good luck?
Why exactly did you break up? You seem to get along quite well. I can't say for sure but maybe you belong together. You made the comment that you feel you are happier without him as a boyfriend but your life needs him at least as a friend. If not for that one remark I'd say with almost certainty that you have a connection which you shouldn't overlook. Friendship is a part of relationships too. Sure, men are always warned not to be too much like a "girlfriend" to their significant other and that has merit, especially in the early stages of a relationship. Do you think that that's what sabotaged your relationship? Was he too much like a girlfriend to you? Maybe too much of a "wuss?" Either way, I can't help but wonder if the two of you wrote each other off prematurely. Think about it.
Having read the above posts, I get a slightly different vibe on the situation than everyone else seems to. I could be wrong but I get the impression that she was actually instrumental in breaking up with him, not vice-versa. It seems like her feelings were a little more ambivalent than hers. That's why I wonder if maybe he was a little too much of a "friend."
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