I don't know if I'm weird, but how can anyone really get involved seriously with someone new, a few weeks, maybe even a few months after a serious relationship? How can you really do that?

I'm 1.5 months out of the most serious relationship I've ever had. I have been on a few dates, but there's no way I'm ready TO BE with someone new. I don't even know how I could be. DATING is very different from a RELATIONSHIP.

I can't even get myself to like someone new, and some of the girls I had dates with, have been very nice. I still miss the ex so much. I haven't even conscientiously compared the new girls to the ex, I just still miss her very much. So much.

If anything, trying to be with someone new too soon, will make things much worse. Though I know of some people who can do it. I just don't know how they do it.

I really don't even want to be truly CLOSE or INTIMATE with someone new. I just don't care that much. INTIMACY does not mean sex. EMOTIONAL INTIMACY is what I mean.

What I miss about her is coming home, eating dinner and watching TV with the woman I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with. Being able to COMPLETELY be myself, say what I want, and be OPEN. I miss that more than anything. No one but her, can give me that for A LONG TIME. You don't GET THERE in any SHORT TIME.

And I'm a guy, and she was the only one in my life, who ever got that close to me. And I miss that, so much.

How can anyone replace such a thing so quickly?

Skell

Ditto here mate.
I have the same feelings and thoughts.
I suppose im somewhat satisfied to know that my ex SO FAR hasnt been able to move to a new relationship. i guess this might show that she also is healing and getting over what was a very serious love.
I think it is needy and clingy people that rush into new relationships so soon. It isnt healthy and they rarely last. It shows more of their own personality flaws that they can rush into something new so quick than any flaws in the ex partner.
These people will find out the hard way that it isnt healthy jump straight back in simply because they need someone.
As you said though it is only time.
I miss the same things. Im struggling too. Struggling badly at times but im sure it will get better.

luv2dance12298

i know EXACTLY how you feel.

it takes time.

and WHO KNOWS how people do it!!!

Skell

And ill tell you this much. your doing fine. Only 1.5 months. Going good mate.
im 5 months and i still get all those feelings. It gets better but yes it still does hurt.
But for only 1.5months down the track you are going pretty good my friend!

tirednhurt86

skell is def. right. you are doing amazing for 1.5 months in. im 4 months in and i still have these feelings as well. its funny cuz i was going to post a question similar to yours today on here! I was wondering if i was abnormal because i cant move on yet. i want that connection with someone again and the closeness but i know im not ready. my ex hasnt moved on just yet but he did once leave me a nasty message saying he liked a new girl and wanted to date her, to kind of rub it in my face. anyhow, some people just take all their insecurities and problems from one relationship to the next- this is not fair to the new person. there must always be a healing time after a relationship- esp. a serious long term one like i had. its ok to be single but some people want to be with someone so badly that they settle- i know u do not want to settle and that is why you are single- good for you! just grieve your loss and forget about others. what they have so soon after a relationship ends, most likely will not last and if it did- are they seriously happy? i highly doubt that they would be. anyhow we dont know what other feel deep down we only see what they allow us to see and most people allow only good things to be seen. just take time for yourself and forget dating for now. if the woman of your dreams walks in to ur life go for it, but for now just be alone and work on you- thats what im doing and its hard but it will be worth it- just think how amazing your next relationship will be because you loved and learned so you know more going in the next time. anyhow, these people are most likely insecure people who define themselves by being with someone- be different- do not conform to what the world expects. its hard not to compare but anytime you feel yourself comparing stop yourself and tell yourself you are not ready and that one day you will be. goodluck and message me if you need to talk!

valinors_sorrow

That you can't just jump is a good thing...

People who jump from relationship to relationship without seeming to bother to heal in between or without using the time in between to heal even though they make it look like they did are often not in the same kind of relationship as the rest of us are. Its an amazing thing to see someone attempt to use being in a relationship to "fix" things-- things that will not be fixed that way. Things like low self esteem, lack of any life, poor social status, or finances. Or they use the distraction of being in a relationship to cover other things. Things like not being grown up or not feeling like they are whole from a crappy childhood. They use their partners to imitate the skills the don't have themselves while never fixing the cause of it at the source. Some of them aren't even in love with their partners but instead are "in love with love" and the partner is a handy "excuse" for it, sad as that is. They can fool others for some period of time, but it never lasts-- that is the dead giveaway. How do I know this? I did this and had enough failed relationships to eventually see that it was me.

It takes two fairly whole and grown up people to have a really healthy, deep and satisfying relationship. Incomplete, damaged or immature people need work that a partner is never going to provide and in fact SHOULD NOT provide. Not ever.

That all your respective relationships didn't work out may be that you were essentially "too well" for them and they had to abandon the ship before you saw that or they sought someone more to their level and traded - a very common phenomena. They treat relationships like busses-- there will be another one along any minute, only they're cunning enough not to reveal that openly.

Please let yourselves grieve - that you can't just up and go is a good sign. It means you are real. Grieving is a process that takes time. If you feel stuck in it, let's talk about that, but only after you've let some time pass because you might see, "yes, it is getting a little easier, it really slowly is". The hurt fades, the desire for your ex fades, the anger with your ex fades, it all becomes more ordinary as you convince yourself you can survive it by well LOL surviving it. And next time, pay attention to the one you're inclined to be interested in. Listen to how she/he talks about who she/he was with, how they broke up and how long did it take her/him to recover. You'll start seeing what I mean here. You are all just fine, pain and all. It is a part of living and loving.

s_cianci

Many people get caught up in "rebound" relationships and that's what you're describing. I'm really not sure how or why these happen. I suppose it's a way that the "injured" party in a recently ended relationship sees to get back what they had. However, this kind of thinking is flawed for two reasons: 1.) It's a different person, not the same one they just lost and 2.) one can't recapture a relationship that was built up over many months or years in an instant upon meeting someone new. This is why rebound relationships are doomed to failure ; it's the wrong cure for the wrong disease. It's really unfair to the person being used as the rebound cushion, as (s)he is totally blameless and is just being led on even though they may be in fact ready for a meaningful, healthy relationship with someone. Of course, the usual rules of taking it slow at first, etc., apply.

s_cianci

This is right on! Exactly it.