my ex boy friend was my best friend

lisa27 · Aug 24, 2009, 01:14 PM

How do i begin?i am so broken hearted.me and my boy freind been best friends for over 4 years and he was my only best best freind that i share my secrets with.But we start dating about 14 month .things were very good in the begining but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.now i am hurting because i lost my best freind at the same time my boy freind that i really love.I dont want forgot to mention he has a child with other woman.But he really hate a woman and abuse her and kick her out of my huise when she came to look for him in my place.i love him now i cant sleep or eat i lost my appitate i dont know what to do?i am very skinny i lost alot of wait.i cant sleep good at night i take vacation from work for one week i because emotionally sick i cry alot i through up a lot.so tell me what can i do to get over him?i am 29 no childern i live alone i feel so lonly because he was my best freind that i use to tell every thing.now i dont have no body help me.thank you for taking to read my story

amicon · Sep 13, 2009, 09:22 AM

abusers work at taking away your selfesteem and sense of normality.you re not at fault HE did this to you.I suggest you try to find a good therapist who can work with you to help you rebuild yourself.you re a good person who unfortunately met the boyfriend from hell.its time to move on and take care of you now.

sully123 · Sep 13, 2009, 09:26 AM

Lisa, don't you think more of yourself than that. First of all to put yourself in danger, with an abuser. He is doing the same thing he did to you as he is probably doing to this new girl. You just don't see it. Why are you talking to him, don't you think more of yourself to put yourself out there with a man like this. Life isn't just having a man, you have to put yourself first...think more of you. You deserve better. You keep on going back, and down the road the consequences you will face with this man, aren't going to be good. Run, away from him, why are you allowing this.

Cat1864 · Sep 13, 2009, 10:09 AM

Lisa, I am going to be more blunt than any one on here has seen me. So, get ready to get on your high-horse because I know that's what you are about to do. However, please think before you respond.

You are responsible.
You are responsible for standing up for yourself and your well-being.
You are responsible for making sure that he never hits you again.
You are responsible for moving away from an abusive situation.
You are responsible for not making a police complaint when he abused you.
You are responsible for stalking him and his whatever she is besides "baby momma".
You are responsible for your own actions.
You are responsible for getting a life that doesn't include this individual.
You are responsible for getting a new support system that doesn't include him.
You are responsible for finding a support group for abused women and getting more help than I think we can give.
You are responsible for listening and and actually putting the great advice that you have been given here into practice.

You are doing everything in your power to keep this person who doesn't want you. He wants a target. If she wants to be that target, I feel sorry for their kid. Be glad you don't have one that would see daddy beating up mommy.

He isn't your life as you seem to want him to be even now. Sometimes, you have to move on even from "best friends". Though, if you knew about the abuse before you got into a relationship with him. You need to rethink what you believe a "good" relationship is.

What does this guy have that you can't find anywhere else? Other men can be good lovers and listeners and they don't use their fists. Other men can be good fathers. This one isn't.

PLEASE FIND A SUPPORT GROUP FOR BATTERED WOMEN IN YOUR AREA!!! They have seen it all. Even what you are going through. Let them help you rebuild the self-esteem that this person took away from you.

Catsmine · Sep 13, 2009, 10:15 AM

If you let him back in your house, Lisa, which CSI show do you want to be the inspiration for?

Either you will be dead or he will.

It's that simple. It may take longer to happen than to write, but it's that simple.

lisa27 · Sep 13, 2009, 02:17 PM

i dont what to say guys any more,i dont know if i am emotionlly sick or just low self steem as you guys said.I hope you will not be angry of i am going to tell you.this weekend i was so sad and i close my mobile phone and i didnot fill like talking to any body.youwhat happen he was calling my mobile phone and when he couldnt talk to me,he come home and he ring the bel several times but i didnot open him.and i am very proud of me i didnot open him.But I am very happy that he keep calling me and finally in door step.i know i sound stupid but i am happy that he realize he lose some one in his life.Thank u guys can u comment about i am feeling happy when i know he is abuser

Catsmine · Sep 13, 2009, 02:35 PM

It will be easier to refuse him next time. You did well.

sully123 · Sep 13, 2009, 03:02 PM

Please be strong Lisa, like your doing. WE all wouldn't be telling you the same thing, if we thought he was a good person for you. If you want to live a normal life stay away from this man. As we all told you he will hurt you or you will be dead. Do you have family nearby, you can go too, or move away so he doesnt know where you will go to?

Cat1864 · Sep 13, 2009, 03:18 PM

Lisa, It isn't going to be easy. It will take time. Each time that you don't answer his phone call or the door, you get stronger. Each time you look in the mirror and there are no bruises, you get stronger.

I don't think you are mentally ill. I do think you need the support of other women who have been in the same place you are now.

It always seems harder for women who know they should have been smarter in the first place, but there is no shame in admitting that you need help. You did that here. Time to take the next step.

lisa27 · Sep 17, 2009, 01:10 PM

I am v.confused and angry at my self.for the whole week he keep calling me and sms 4 to 5 times a day and he wants to come over.i was making excuses to let him not to come over.but to day he was waitting near my appartment and he says Hello,and he just inter with me I couldnt tell him no.then he was pretending like been so freindly and talking with me normal.what i belive is like he has a problem with his baby mama.and he keep asking me who I am dating and exc.But he didnot tell me he wants to get back with me.he just spent the whole evening with me.and when he left i was very angry.idont know what happen to me.i called him how bad he hurt me and i still feel hur from him.and he was just saying ok ok and that even make me more heart broken.I feel sorry that i let him in.now I am more angry because now he know i am not over him.I am sorry I should be lesen for your advice.but my heart goes wild for this abusive guy.what is my problem. do u have any more advice?



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