How do i begin?i am so broken hearted.me and my boy freind been best friends for over 4 years and he was my only best best freind that i share my secrets with.But we start dating about 14 month .things were very good in the begining but later he start abusing me and hit me several times.now i am hurting because i lost my best freind at the same time my boy freind that i really love.I dont want forgot to mention he has a child with other woman.But he really hate a woman and abuse her and kick her out of my huise when she came to look for him in my place.i love him now i cant sleep or eat i lost my appitate i dont know what to do?i am very skinny i lost alot of wait.i cant sleep good at night i take vacation from work for one week i because emotionally sick i cry alot i through up a lot.so tell me what can i do to get over him?i am 29 no childern i live alone i feel so lonly because he was my best freind that i use to tell every thing.now i dont have no body help me.thank you for taking to read my story

amicon

OK- I ll not mince my words-you could end up killed.In the UK where I live 2 women are killed by their scumbag partners EVERY WEEK.VIOLENCE and ABUSE escalates.you need to seek help and PRONTO. This man or poor excuse for one should be locked up!Please stop doing this to yourself-leave -run-dont ever see him again.

Spyral1234

the problem is you have your mind set on getting him back... you need to keep him as far away from you as possible, part of the healing process though hard is depression sadness and being miserable this might seem odd but do not run from those feelings embrace them and get and cry all your sadness and anger out only then can you truly recover, no one never gets over someone it will happen i suggest reading up on forums books and everything possible to speed up this process,

-also for sleep i suggest herbal sleeping pills which are non-additive i have them called seditol and melotonin i take 2 of each and im set , i get no craving or neccesity for them afterwards.
- exercise though hard when depressed will help considerable and when i execute myself when i have alot to think about youd be suprised how much you can do, i prefer runs for thinking im having a hard time with my girlfriend at the moment and yesterday i amazed myself by runnin 14 k through a forest all stepply hilled , inculding chest high grass and shallow river jumps though when i got home i felt like i was fainting but i didnt notice the tiredness because i had my mind preocuppied the whole time, trust me try it
- Eat healthy (youd be suprised how much it helps)
- Use momentary escapes such as immersive books or movies

friend4u178

A lot of times on here we say sorry for your loss etc. but thats not the case here.

He is an abuser and they are the worst type of partner to have and it won't stop , you haven't lost anything but it seems to me your just afraid of being alone.

Let this guy go and find some real friends , then you can get on and eventually have a happy life like we all deserve. It's not easy Lisa but in the end you'll see that it's the best in the long run for you.

Good Luck !!

winding200

Lisa27,
You are still confused, and not getting at all. How can you possibly love someone who hit you multiple times already and will hit you continuously? Are you brain damaged??? (I am really serious)
You have strength in you, you have used it for others as social worker, and now it is the time you have to use it for yourself. You need to manage yourself to RUN from this man completely. Move far away from him, start over, and stop all the communications. Disappear from him for the rest of your life. Don't look back. Period. You do not need him to survive.
Right now, please go out, get some fresh air, have a nice meal at any restaurant. Hit the church, talk to nice people with your situation. Reconnect to your old friends. It is doable. Please stop acting like a baby. You are a social worker who helps other people. Right now, you need to help your self just you did for others. What is your problem now?
Lisa, Murderers do not kill people 24 hours. They kill sometimes, but we call them murderer, and we put them in jail, because they are dangerous when they are in rage. Same thing goes to abusers. Abusers do not abuse people all the time, but they abuse people when they have urge to abuse other! Nobody knows when, where and how his rage will be triggered and how severely he will abuse you. One thing sure is once he hits you, he will hit you again and gain more severely and more often for any reasons. It is not getting any better, but getting worse.
It is a totally wrong reason you want to keep the abuser in your life. He can go back to anyone he choose to victimize. If his ex keeps the abuser, it will be her problem. You better thank god you are free from him now, and have a good chance to run away. Are you saying you will be jealous if he abuses her not you? Are you out of mind?
If you are a social worker, you should seen very similar cases, but you still do not understand your abusive situation. Let's be honest. Do you drink? Do you have any kind of mental illness? Are you taking any medication? I start to wonder our social workers qualification... They should guide people...right?
OMG. You are not getting at all. You should NOT have him back! You SHOULD BE AFRAID him come back to your life agin. RUN for your safety!!!! PLEASE WAKE UP!

amicon

abusers brainwash people into thinking the abuse is their fault.they also manage to work on your selfesteem.this is probably why you cant see this situation for what it is.he s not your friend he s not your lover he s an abuser.he doesnt love you nor anyone else.seek help.Now.

lisa27

I really want thank u guys from the bottom of my heart for your support.You will not understand how much improvement I made since i read your advice.finally i can say oooofffffffff and start relaxing.i was so blind to see how my situation was to bad.I was just in love with him.I think also not only that i love him but i was addicted to his abuse,he was blaming me for every thing that goes wrong.I was so stressed and confused i was trying to be the best for him,by giving my time and my self after long day work.and he was coming over and just sit with us as a king.i shop and cook and clean and do every thing and look good for him.But after all i was not good enough for him.he make feel i am less than others and not lovable.I felt like no body love me.because I trusted him.I thought he was my best friend for a such a long time.But now thanks God and thanks you guys,i can come home cook for my self and eat good like i use to do before i start dating him.and see the positive things that are in my life and try to take care of my self.But one thing i should tell u guys,when it gets dark or early in the morning i think of him and feel unwanted .and i take my dairy i write all my thoughts that comes on my head.every now and then I get jealous maybe he is with some one else even though I know he is going to abuse them.I guess i couldn't get over a man I thought he was.i forget to tell you guys couple days ago he call me every day for 3 days and i didn't showed him that i missed him i was talking with happily over some thing else like nothing happens between us.he said to me wow you are happy what is going on.and i did not reply and we just say bye and hung up the phone.after that he didn't call and i am not planing to call ever again.If u please guys be there for me when I am down.your advice gave me a lot strength.
One thing that make may situation worse is that i am in a foreign country which are very few ppl from my country and he is one of them.
Thank you guys what more can i do to forget him more and not thinking about him at all.
Thank you very much for taking to time to read my misery and reply

amicon

I'm glad we've helped.just stay away from this man.see the friends you have-make new friends and heal.you need to see that you re not in the wrong here-you were in a relationship with an abuser-never speak to him again is my advice. All the best to you and take care.

lisa27

This is me again lisa the broken hearted.i thought i was over him.but it is not true.it a weekend and i try to make my self busy and stop thinkng about him.But he is constantly on my mind.he been calling from tuesday till frida 2 3 times a day we where talinking noramal (out of the reltionship)like nothing happen between us.and then On Friday i sew him passing through and he peep peep his car and i sew hem and he waved his hands and i did the same.what it hurt me is i sew his chiar behind back sit.then jus remind me that he is still seen his baby mama.even though in several times he confess to the he regreat he has a child with her.and he hate her he can not even comunicate with her more than 2hours.But he said he love his child.and the baby mama also has a child with onther man who is not with her and he dont want be part of his child.now my problem is i am very jelouse and angry that he left me.i dont know if he is sleeping with her but i know for sure he every day going to see his child.I am sorry guys maybe i sound stupid.the reson i bokeup with him is.one day we have a little argument and he did talk one sunday.because we are all ways together.and then the day after i called him and he answer me and he said call me later.But he did not call.and i call him over and over and this baby mama answer his moblie and called names and i was very agry and upset.and i left alot of angry messages on the mobile for her to hear.but later on he called he said i dontknow that she answers my mobile phone.he came over to me and took me for a drink and i was devestated that she answers his mobli.but any way we home and we spend night together. I couldnt sleep at night.but what i did is i call so eary with my boy freinds moblie and she answer the phone and i called names and i proved her that he sleeps with me.after he went to his place i tald what i did and he was very angry.if u care about me u wouldnt do that.few day later he broke up with me.and he tald me he wants to raice his child good.but he is not leaving for her.and she is not a good mother thats why i want see him all the time.if u r with me thing gets harder.my qustion am i selfesh when she answers me his phone and call name it is ok?when i took his phone and call her name is not not ok and i am dumped for that.so can u guys help me.I love this man i know he abuse and abuse her too.but more than i lose him,i am angry that i lose him to her and her child. answer me what is my problem i am very confused.some time i think i am over him the next time when i think abut the baby mama i get emotionall.I dont what is worng with me help

amicon

lisa-let me remind you-this guy s an abuser.stay away from him.dont fall into yet another trap of taking him back.read all our previous posts.he s a bomb waiting to go off.see sense and leave this alone.

lisa27

amicon,I am really thank you for all advice and support you guys are giving me.But tell me why is that i am feelling in some way i am responsple for the breakup.and feeling i am not good enough.if that abuser who i take good of and give my time shower him with love left me for his baby mama i belive then who will be with me?I dont know what is worng with maybe i am getting mentally ill. tell why it going on with me.thank you